


FRidAY?

by zalacious



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Emotions, Homophobia, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Transformation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-12
Updated: 2017-07-28
Packaged: 2018-12-01 05:43:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 55
Words: 58,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11479842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zalacious/pseuds/zalacious
Summary: "What does that mean, I'm a 'Friday'?""I look forward to seeing you. I never used to before, but now I can't wait until you come around... like a Friday."Zayn immediately takes a liking to Harry upon meeting him and wants to be with him - however many people are opposed to the idea, himself included.





	1. Chapter 1

"Hazza, let's go out tonight, mate."

"I don't feel like it, Louis. You go." Harry frowns as his eyes scan over the book in his lap. Honestly he doesn't know what he's reading anymore and knows that he'll just have to revise this chapter again tomorrow when his brain is actually awake.

Louis could be heard talking to him, but all it was was a background sound to Harry whose mind was slowly going into overdrive. "You're going to end up burning yourself out and fucking yourself over in your final exam." Louis says leaning on the marble kitchen counter.

Harry finally gazes up at his roommate and stretches his neck before rubbing it, trying to rid himself of the tension building. He had been curled up on the black single seater sofa for a couple of hours now. Pens, papers and, highlighters scattered on the worn out wooden coffee table that he had pulled closer to him to keep all of his books around himself.

"One drink." Louis pushes and walks to his room to pull on a grey hoodie.

"It's never just 'one' drink with you, Louis." Harry shouts so that his voice travels to him. "More like one bottle." He mumbles that part to himself. Sometimes he felt more like Louis' mother than his friend. Always checking up on him and making sure he's okay - but that's just how Harry always was, he was really caring.

"Exactly! Which is why you should come with me to make sure that I don't mess up and, stick to a single pint. Hmm?" He tries to convince him as he comes back out of his room and fixes his hoodie. He smiles and raises his eyebrows and Harry just can't fight the smirk off if his face.

Louis and Harry had been roommates now for four years. Louis had found this really nice apartment but couldn't find anyone to room with who could afford the rent and not get on his nerves. He was a law student and Harry was a psychology student.

***

_"You can live in the dorms if you don't find someone to help out with rent, Louis." His father told him and gave him a deadline of one week to find someone._

_Monday came and went and now it was a cold and gloomy Saturday._

_So after trying everything he went downstairs and stood in front of the building and watched person after person walk by him. He adjusted his blue beanie and pulled out his pack of cigarettes, pulling out a stick with his lips._

_"Oi!" Louis roughly grabbed a boy with fluffy chocolate coloured hair that walked past him._

_"Wh- what? Let go!" He quickly snatched his arm out out Louis' grasp._

_"Relax," Louis took in a drag and blew out the smoke all the whilst taking in the boys' image. "I'm not gonna hurt ya."_

_"Well then what do you want?" He asked and deepened his frown. The midday traffic making the boy feel a smudge at ease if Louis decided to do anything stupid._

_"I'm Louis." He smiled and stuck out his hand._

_The other boy stuck out his hand tentatively and took Louis' in his own and sighed. "What do you want?" He asked again._

_"Straight to business, I like you already! Okay, well, I just bought this apartment and I need a roommate. I'm studying at the University of London and you look like you go to uni too, soooo, what do you say?"_

_"...you don't even know me, mate."_

_"Well I already introduced myself so you are being a hit rude here - besides I'm an excellent judge of character and you just look -"_

Boring  
Plain  
Quiet  
Dorky  
Innocent  
Someone who won't get in my way

_"- like a real cool guy so?"_

_"...I'm Harry." The brown haired boy said, finally introducing himself and letting his frown soften. "...I, uh, also go to the University of London. It's my first year -"_

_"Mine too! That's fuckin' great, mate! So you need a place to stay? Wanna look at the place?"_

_"... I donno..."_

_"Look, I know this is really fucking weird and you probably think I'm dodgy but I'm dead serious. I just need someone to help me out with rent or I lose this place."_

_Harry exhaled a breath and looked up at the building. It was in a really nice area, and it already looked really good outside._

I guess it would save me money on petrol so,  
_"Yeah, okay. Why not?"_

_Initially when Harry moved in with Louis, they both sort of avoided each other and did their own things. Louis would go out and Harry would stay in._

_That was until one Sunday, during their first year, when Louis had had a particularly rough Saturday night had stumbled into the living room area to see Harry watching reruns of the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air._

_"Morning." Harry greeted him quietly. He was nervous around Louis. Not just because they didn't know each other, but because Louis was confident, outgoing, everything Harry felt that he wasn't._

_Louis grumbled a 'morning' back in response and flopped onto the double seater, bringing his knees up to his chest. Only seconds later was he tumbling off the couch, forcing his tired muscles to work so that he made it to the bathroom on time as to not vomit on the slick hardwood floor._

_Harry leaned forward and wondered if he should knock on the door. They had been roommates for a good couple of weeks now, but still Harry wasn't sure if someone like Louis considered someone like himself a friend._

_Louis kicked himself for drinking those extra tequila shots when he was already drunk out of his mind for now he was paying the price and just felt like curling up into a little ball and perishing. After cleaning himself up, he had walked to where Harry was by the kitchen sink, but before he could grab a glass from the cabinet, Harry turned off the tap and handed Louis the glass he had just filled and dropped two capsules in the palm of his hand._

_"...thanks." Louis said with a slightly hoarse voice._

_Harry offered him an easy smile and not wanting an awkward moment to arise, went to grab the kettle and fill it up. "Do you want some tea?" He asked, feeling for a cup himself._

_"Uhm, yea..if you're making." Louis replied, looking at the green and white tablets in his hand and gently sipping on some water._

_"It's Ibuprofen. Should help with your headache." Harry answered his silent question while reaching for a couple of mugs._

_Louis nodded to himself and let the pills pass his dry lips. "Thank you." Louis suddenly felt guilty of not making more of an effort to get to know Harry. He seemed like a nice kid. Watching Harry make their tea he decided that the next time he went out, he would invite Harry along and get to know him more, and that he did and since then they fast became best friends._

***

"Okay," Harry said closing the book on his lap and placing it on the coffee table before straightening out his long legs. "Let's go."


	2. Chapter 2

Harry straightened his maroon woollen sweater and went to his room to pick out a pair of shoes while Louis whined for him to hurry up. "I swear. You think you wanna hurry up before everyone leaves the pub?" Louis shouted as Harry came into sight and went back into the living room to close the curtains and turn on the lights.

"Says the person who takes just over half an hour to do their damn hair." Harry quipped and Louis pulled an unimpressed face.

"Not anymore!" He said running a hand through his newly cut hair. It was now much shorter than previous years. It was also now black. Something an ex-girlfriend suggested he should do.

_"Dye it darker, Lou, it'll make your eyes pop more." She had said._

And he actually liked the result and ended up keeping the style even though he had let go of the girl. Now he didn't care much about what his hair looked like, having cut it, along with Harry who had chopped his long, curly locks at the beginning of the year and damn nearly gave Louis a heart attack when he came back to the apartment. 

"Ooh, we get to see the gold pair tonight! How lucky are we, you hoping to pull tonight, Styles?" Louis poked fun at his friend as Harry opened the door and rolled his eyes.

"Just because I have style and you look like a typical frat boy." Harry fired back, trying to fight the smile making its' way onto his face.

"And we have Sassy Styles tonight, too!" Louis laughed and locked the door behind them before handing the keys to Harry - a much safer option then keeping it himself.

The pub, as expected, is packed that night and Harry wonders if he's made the right decision by giving in to Louis' plea.

It's not that he didn't like going out - well, not as much as Louis loved to.. It's just that he wasn't in the mood that night. His finals were playing on his mind and he had a feeling that he would end up sitting by himself since most of his friends politely declined to join him tonight.

He listens to another unfamiliar song blare through the speakers that adds to the atmosphere. It's always an unfamiliar song, band, beat, whatever because this pub loves playing all the latest small indie artists with the occasional local sound of well known UK bands that almost everyone loved.

Louis and Harry, luckily, find an empty table which Harry sits at while Louis takes care of ordering them some drinks. Leaning back into the chair - remembering from past events not to lean on the sticky, wet table - Harry looks around to see if can spot anyone familiar. He sees a few other kids that he's seen around uni, maybe once or twice, but nobody that he really knows.

A boisterous laugh from the side bar that grabs his attention and when his eyes land on the person it belongs to, he curses the lack of light around them for the person is the epitome of beauty even in the dull atmosphere.

"Here we go!" Louis says, sliding the beer across the square table to Harry who's still looking at the man who's now got a flirty smile on. It's only when the rest of the chairs around the table start moving and he hears additional voices that he's pulled out of his trance and thanking Louis for his drink. He sees that Louis' found a few of his friends and pulled them along with him. Luckily Harry's met and partied with them a couple of times so he doesn't feel awkward or shy.

As good of a time that Harry is actually having, he can't help but let his gaze drift. _Who is that? He's never seen him around uni or town. Is he new? Is he visiting?_

_Is he single?_

He's got long black hair with the sides shaved, which he pulls off really well.

Harry knows he shouldn't stare but he just can't help it because - _fuck._

He's looked right at Harry, who very quickly looked back at Louis and almost gave himself whiplash.

_Shit. Okay, just drink your drink. Look normal._

"He totally saw you." Louis says with a big fat smirk on his face and Harry feels his cheeks heating up.

"Who is he?" He leans forward slightly so that he doesn't have to shout that much and draw even more unwanted attention to himself.

Louis flicked his tongue over the piercing in the middle of his lip before pulling it between his teeth, something that he'd always do when he was concentrating.

The corners of his lips turn downwards and he shrugs. "Donno? But he's not looking your way anymore if you wanna go back to stalking." He adds with a wink and Harry let's one arm drop over the back of the chair and purses his lips at Louis.

***

"Can't believe you stuck to one drink."

"Can't believe you didn't go talk to that guy." Louis retorts as they walk back home.

"Ugh, he looked busy." Harry shrugs and sticks his hands in his pockets as Louis lifts up his hood over his head when the wind around them picks up.

Harry noticed a pretty blonde next to his mystery guy that kept making him laugh and that was enough to have Harry keep his eyes fixed around his little group. He can't blame the girl. The guy looked like everyone's type.

"I donno, looked like he was checking you out." Louis said and nudged him with his arm.

"Probably not." Harry chuckled. "Maybe I scared him. I was staring pretty hard."

"Well, maybe we'll pop in during the week to see if we can spot him again. Hopefully use our words this time." Louis sings the last part and Harry contemplates shoving Louis in a trashcan he sees as they near their flat.

He can't, however, shake the tingling feeling he gets when he thinks about seeing Mystery Man again - especially that beautiful smile that drew him in....


	3. Chapter 3

"Haz. Harry? **HARRY?"**

"What do you want, Louis?" Harry asked once he was at Louis bedroom door.

"Hold on," Louis answered him and typed a quick reply while Harry rolled his eyes and was on his way back to studying. "Wait, wait. You know that guy you like -?"

"I don't like him. I don't even know him." He said and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Yea, okay sure. Well, you're about to know a bit more. His name is, 'Zayn'. You remember Liam, right?"

"Uh, kinda? Met him like, once I think?"

"Well, Zayn is Liam's friend. And Zayn is on break at the moment."

"On break how?" He whined. Jealous that he was slaving over his books while other people were 'on break.'

"They're from that soccer academy, remember? They don't have to write the exams we have to -"

"Speaking of, why aren't you studying?" Harry asked, arching his eyebrow.

"I studied this morning." Louis said with a shrug. "Anyway, Li told me that him and the boys are going out to the pub tonight, so?" He wagged his eyebrows at Harry.

"No." Harry replied simply and turned on his heel to leave a scrambling Louis.

"But why?!" Louis called, power walking behind him.

"I know the only reason that you want to go is because the girls are just going to get a whiff of the soccer boys and flock to the pub."

".. you say that like it's a bad thing?" Louis said, looking genuinely confused.

"My psychopathology exam is on Wednesday, Louis. I don't. Have. Time. I don't even know how you actually make it through every year with the studying you do."

"It's just luck." He replied, flopping down on the couch and picking up one of Harry's books.

"Last time you said it was your 'photographic memory.'"

"Well, maybe if you'd just accept that I'm fuckin' brilliant." Louis laughed. "Personality disorders and mental retardation... Harry, this stuff is heavy." Louis said whilst making himself at home with Harry's books.

"It's interesting." He said whilst highlighting a paragraph.

"Doctor Styles. That's so cool." Louis mumbled to himself and flipped through more pages of the book.

Harry sighed and felt like throwing all of his notes, books and, himself out of the window. There was so much to remember and he felt like nothing was sticking at the moment. His phone vibrating twice on the armrest of the chair pulled him out of his thoughts and he capped the lid back on the highlighter.

"Is that Gemma?" Louis asked and looked at Harry.

Harry, on the other hand, looked straight ahead and gently shifted in his seat to hide the screen of his phone. "... No..."

"You're an awful liar." Louis slammed the book shut to focus his attention elsewhere. "How is she?"

"Grand, Louis. Just grand." He sighed.

Louis had met Gemma in the first year when she came to pick Harry up one weekend and at first thought nothing of her. She was friendly and cute, and that was it.. But recently, he didn't know what got him, but he was simply smitten with her. Maybe it was that new haircut or new lipstick colour that she wore so well... or, -

"Louis. Stop daydreaming. I don't know what it is with you and my sister anyway. You didn't care about for two years and then suddenly,"

"She's so.."

Harry dared him, with his eyes, to carry on with that sentence. As adorable as he looked most times, he could be damn intimidating.

"...pretty, Harry. I just want to take her out. Just once." Louis pleaded.

"No. You're not even her type." He scoffed.

"How so?!"

"For one, that thing on your lip would be a huge turnoff."

"That's not what I've heard." He mumbled.

"Excuse me??"

"Look, I promise -"

"I said no, and as your best friend, you have to respect my wishes when it comes to my sister."

Groaning and rolling his eyes, Louis gave up on Gemma.... _for now._  
"Maybe you should go out tonight." Harry suggested, peaking over his phone.

"Come with and meet Zayn."

"...I need to finish this chapter."

"Well then, get off the phone and finish it - actually, just hand your phone over and I'll take care of it for you."

"Ha," Harry grinned and locked it. "Nice try, perv."

*

_21:35_

"We can still go out if you want." Harry shouted from his spot in the lounge and wondered if Louis had fallen asleep when he got no reply, but seconds later, Louis was pulling a black sweater over his head and skillfully messing his hair up to that it sat just right.

"I knew you'd cave." Louis smiled smugly and Harry just rolled his eyes.

"Shut up before I change my mind, yea?" Harry said raising his brow and Louis held his hands up in surrender.

*

While walking to the pub Louis looked up at Harry and smiled around the cigarette that sat between his lips.

"What?" Harry asked him when he felt eyes on himself

"Nothing. Just looking spiffy." Louis answered and held out his cigarette box towards Harry.

"No, thanks." He pulled a face and held his hand up. Everytime Louis would have a smoke around him, he'd offer Harry one and everytime Harry would politely decline and pull a face at the smell and sight. He hated cigarettes. He hated that Louis smoked and had been doing so for years now. He'd always give him speeches about the dangers of smoking and tips on how to stop and everytime Louis would say: "Yea, yea" just to keep Harry quiet.

Harry didn't give him a speech this time, though and smoothed his hand over his pink silk shirt. He thought he had looked nice as well.

"So what are you going to say to him?"

"Who?"

"Zayn, Harry." Louis said, a bit annoyed that Harry was playing dumb.

"Nothing. Louis. I'm just going to unwind and have a good time with friends."

Louis took in a nice long drag and gave Harry the side eye - which Harry ignored.

*

"LIAM, MATE!" Louis shouted and smacked Liam on the shoulder once he spotted him.

"Louis! Long time no see! How've ya been?" He slurred slightly, already having had a few drinks. "Hey," He interrupted Louis before he could even give him an answer, "This is my mate, Zayn."


	4. Chapter 4

_Wait. What? Meet Zayn right now?_  
Harry tries to make a bee-line for the bar but Louis' quick to grab the corner of his shirt and put an arm around his shoulders.

"Zaaaaayn, Zayn!" Liam laughs and Zayn comes over - almost tripping over his own feet.

"Oh, fuck, mate. I'm too fucking pissed." Zayn slurs and grabs onto Liam's shoulder for support - a small smile playing on his lips and his eyes hooded.

"This is Louis." Liam shouts and introduces his friends to each other.

"Hiya! This is my roommate, Harry." Louis smiles at Zayn and squeezes Harry's shoulder, prompting him to say something - anything.

But he doesn't. He can't, he's just lost for words and simply smiles at Zayn.

Zayn doesn't smile back though - but he's not giving him an ugly look... more like... taking in his appearance, and once he's done, he brings his glass back to his lips and nods a greeting towards both Harry and Louis.

"Okay, well I think we should try and catch up to them, yes?" Louis asks Harry, who just frowns at him.

"I will get alcohol poisoning if I try to get on their level."

Zayn didn't even bother saying a simple, 'hi' to us. Harry thought and pouted slightly. What's his problem? Is it us, me?

God, Harry, stop over thinking everything.

*

_45 minutes later_

Harry's silk shirt was damp in places where he had spilled alcohol on it but right now, he didn't care at all as he let another sour shot of tequila pass his lips.

After slamming down the shot glass, Harry hears the familiar song, 'Pumped Up Kicks' and upon actually recognising a song tonight and having his confidence be at an all time high, grabs the closest hand to him and leads them to the small dance area.

He doesn't really take in her appearance and only notices her long brown hair and the fact that she's practically his height.

They're dancing like they're old friends and she's egging him on to move his hips more - which he does, perfectly in sync with the beat and has his confidence only grow when he hears a few cheers around him.

Louis, well, he was just as drunk. He was busy singing with the live band that the bar had hired for the night.

"He doesn't even know the words?!" Liam laughed and attempted to call Louis off stage for what must have been the seventh time.

"Not stopping him! Besides he's actually making it work?? Doesn't sound half bad." Harry replied, cheering his best friend on. "I'm going to the bathroom." He said to Liam who didn't seem to hear him.

_Ugh. Too drunk._

If Harry's head had to hit a pillow right now, he'd know that he'd be out like a light. He leaned on the basin and was just about to open the tap to wet his face with some ice cold water in an attempt to sober himself up when someone wrapped their hand around Harry's throat from behind him.

Before he was able to protest, a pair of lips attached to the side of his neck and it was then that he saw Zayn's reflection next to his own in the mirror. He let his hands roam Harry lean torso until he finally forced a hand into his black skinny jeans.

After the initial shock of what was happening wore off, Harry let the pleasure of Zayn's lips and his hand working him, takeover, however it was not meant to last very long as Zayn pulled away, his eyes darting to the door of the bathroom. Both men were alone - for now, but anyone could walk in on them at anytime, so Zayn grabbed Harry's hand and pulled him towards the nearest empty stall, locking the door behind him and pushing Harry against it.

Both of them had yet to say a single word to each other but right now, neither cared as Zayn sloppily kissed Harry, biting at his lower lip so that he could stick his tongue in Harry's mouth. Harry moaned into the kiss and grabbed the back of Zayn's neck to keep him in place as he unsuccessfully tried to take control of the kiss. Luckily, for him, Zayn slowed his pace and kissed Harry gently, making sure to grind his body to the beat of the dulled music filtering in through the walls of the bathroom.

Zayn finally broke away to let his fingers slide down to the button and zip of Harry's jeans and Harry's eyes travelled down to watch Zayn thin, long fingers slowly undo them - or at least everything felt like it was going in slow motion to Harry and he's not sure if he should blame the alcohol in his system or the little crush he had on Zayn. Both of Zayn's arms were heavily tattooed - of what? Harry couldn't really tell right now as his vision was slightly blurred. But he still gently held onto Zayn's arm and thumbed at a curved line of ... something.

Harry didn't have time to think about what he was seeing because as soon as Zayn had pull his jeans and boxers down his thighs, he was taking all of Harry into his mouth. His jaw drops and he can't stop watching Zayn and as if he knew, Zayn ever so gently grazes his teeth against Harry's cock, startling him and having him let out a warning groan, making Zayn let go of him and laugh as he comes back up to kiss and then, spin him around to have him bent over the toilet.

It feels like Zayn makes Harry wait for hours on end while he undoes his own jeans, but finally he puts him out of his misery and slowly sinks into him. Harry moans out loudly and Zayn grabs a fistful of his long hair to force him to lay flush again Zayn's chest. He's gently nibbling at his jaw, sucking on his neck and kissing his cheek. He's trying to put Harry at ease as quick as he can so he can finally just fuck him.

Harry, with his head titled up and resting on Zayn's shoulder, stares up the the round fluorescent light on the ceiling that seems to be getting brighter and brighter.

Zayn brings his arm forward to wrap his hand around Harry's cock and slowly pump him, which in turn causes Harry to thrust back, making both of them moan loudly and Harry nods - having no grasp on words at the moment - and Zayn finally moves.

It's like one of those cliché movie scenes where if there was a person in the stall next to them they'd know exactly what was happening because of how loud they were.

When his legs being to start trembling, Zayn's back to jerking Harry off, wanting him to cum at the same time that he does - which is any minute now. Harry slammed his hand into the wall, desperately needing to grab at something as his orgasm approaches and his breathing becomes more shallow, and then as quick as everything started, a white light - that white fluorescent light - is behind Harry's eyes as he cums hard, with Zayn following.

_Fuck._

Zayn cleans Harry up, while he's still busy trying to catch his breath after one of the best orgasms he's had to date. He's just about to say something to Zayn but before he can, Zayn's pressing a quick kiss to his cheek and unlocking the stall door before waltzing out and, leaving Harry satisfied - yet confused.


	5. Chapter 5

Harry was panting, unaware if what just happened was real or not. Zayn had so kindly pulled up Harry's jeans for him before he left, so all he had to do was re-button and zip it up (plus try and clean up the mess he had made on the toilet seat). So once he was done with that, he stumbled out of the bathroom and right into Louis.

"HARRYYYYYY I thought you went home, mate, I was just going to ... You look different." Louis then gasped. "Did you just have sex?!"

Harry hated Louis right now. He hated that they knew absolutely everything about each other because of how close they were and, even in his drunken state, Louis did not miss Harry's flushed cheeks, messy hair and exceptionally bright, sated and wide eyes.

He always looked like that after a good romp.

***

_"Oh, God, fuck! Yes, right there, Ezra, shit!"_

_Louis' jaw fell and he put his book down. Did Harry really have someone over .. Who the hell was this 'Ezra' person? Harry does not do one night stands - he's always lecturing Louis on them. Louis tiptoed out of his room and as soon as he left it, the moans got louder until suddenly, everything was still for a while. He decided to make himself look busy in the kitchen when he heard a soft click of the door opening and people mumbling._

_"I'll see you later?" Harry whispered and walked out with a man with equally curly and messy hair. As soon as his eyes landed on Louis, he felt like immediately running back into his room._

_"Hey, didn't think you would be home this weekend." Harry greeted Louis, who had just opened up the cabinet to pull out a packet of raisins and peanuts._

_"Oh, hey, yea, I just got in... wanted a snack." Louis replied with a teasing smirk and popped a peanut in his mouth._

_"Uhm, this is Ezra." Harry smiled shyly and introduced his 'friend' to Louis._

_"I heard," Louis joked and shook his hand._

_"And this is my roommate." Harry continued, and gave Louis a warning glare._

_"Nice to meet you." Ezra smiled at Louis and then turned to take Harry's face in his hand. "Speak to you later, baby." He whispered against his lips and didn't hold back when he kissed him just because Louis was in the room._

_"I don't wanna hear it." Harry was quick to say as soon as Ezra had left and Louis was just about to open his mouth, a wide grin on his face._

_"Oh, Ezra, yes, right there!" Louis threw his head back and moaned, mockingly loud. He squeezed the packet in his hand a bit too tightly and sent a few raisins and peanuts flying. "Oh shit." He laughed and kicked them under the table._

_"Kicking them out of sight isn't going to make them go away!" Harry complained and pulled down his sweater sleeves, walking towards the table to pick them up._

_"So, Ezra your boyfriend?" Louis asked, choosing to ignore Harry's complaint._

_Harry quickly glanced at Louis and then back to the floor, not answering him._

_"Hellooo? Look, I'm sorry I teased you." Louis laughed._

_"Would you mind?" Harry asked sheepishly, his back to Louis, afraid to look him in the eye._

_Louis' smile fell and his face was a picture of confusion. "Woooould I mind what?"_

_"...like..him, me...you know."_

What is he going on -  
_"Harry, do you think I'm some kind of homophobe?" Louis asked and quickly walked over to him to hop up on the table and sit facing him so that Harry couldn't look away. "I'm not." He added quickly when he saw Harry nervously picking at a piece of skin on the corner of his thumb._

_Harry finally looked up at Louis and saw that his best friend was being honest with him._

_"Whatever and whoever you like is cool, Harry." He shrugged._

_"Really?" He let out a relieved laugh and ran a hand through his messy hair._

_"Did you really think I was?" Louis laughed with him and Harry nodded._

_"You looked like it a bit."_

Ironic, isn't it?

_"Harry, I'm hurt!" Louis placed a hand on his heart and leaned back onto the table. He was always so dramatic._

_"Sorry." Harry smiled and scratched the back of his neck. "...Been sneaking Ezra in on weekends so yea, we're together."_

_"He seems nice. Doesn't seem to care what I think at all, since he snogged you well right in front of me! You should be more like that." Louis said, nudging him with his knee. "Stop being so shy, Haz, just stop giving a damn what other people think. Be you."_

_Harry let out a heavy sigh and tapped his finger against the table before he looked at Louis again. He outstretched his arms and Louis smiled, taking the hint and shuffled forward to hug him._

_"Thanks Lou. You're like, the best best friend I've ever had."_

_Harry doesn't really want to let go of the hug but a part of him - that annoying, nervous, overthinking part of him - says that maybe he should let go before Louis starts feeling uncomfortable and things gets weird between them._

_"Good?" Louis checks once they've pulled apart and Harry nods. "Good." He says, satisfied and walks back to his room. "Oh, and no 'sorry' or 'thank you' in this friendship." He shouts over his shoulder just before he goes back into his room._

_Harry and Ezra didn't last, unfortunately. Something about Ezra being in a band and having it finally taking off, but it was okay because they remained friends._

***

"So who was it? Are they still here?" Louis tried to whisper over the loud music. Tried being the keyword because Louis did not know what whispering was when he was this drunk.

"I'm just really drunk, Lou." Harry replied in a slightly flat tone.

He wasn't completely lying. Harry's mind was now almost completely sober, but his body still felt drunk.

"Yeeeaaa!" Louis wasn't buying into Harry's lie but he dropped the subject and walked back to their circle of friends - where Zayn was.

Harry, who was trailing behind Louis, was just about to go to stand next to Zayn so that he could actually speak to him now, but stood frozen in place when a familiar blonde girl came into sight. The girl he saw the other night with Zayn.

Again, Zayn had a wide grin on - as if solely for her and kept his eyes glued to her face as they spoke, laughed, kissed -

_What?_

His hand drops to her lower back to pull her closer to his body as she wraps her arms around his neck and Harry feels sick and, it's not because of the copious amount of alcohol he's consumed.

Zayn's kissing this girl like she's his everything and Harry feels his heart sink.

_Maybe this is just the type of person Zayn is. He really likes to have fun when he goes out and doesn't want to be tied down._


	6. Chapter 6

Harry's busy entertaining Louis' gibberish as they walk home together, offering him the odd hum and agreement but his thoughts are elsewhere. He can't help but think about Zayn - think about the sex they had only a few hours ago that he so easily brushed off.

His thoughts soon stop when Louis' voice does too. "Louis, we live this way." Harry jogs up to him to redirect him in the right direction, and out of the street. "Come here," He forces Louis' arm around his shoulders and wraps his own around his friends' waist, helping him walk.

"Harry, 'm soooo hungry, I want Nandos." Louis whines.

"Okay, we'll get some tomorrow, let's get home and get some rest for now." Harry knows Louis. He'll say that he's hungry now but will fall asleep in his food once it's placed in front of him.

"Tonight was so fun. I had fun. Did you have fun?"

"... I had fun, Louis."

***

"Yea, we've got a few matches lined up here and then we're gonna go touring around Europe. Pretty sick." Liam mentioned as the waiter was walking over with their food.

Him and Louis had decided to invite him out for lunch the next day. They had told him Zayn could come too - well Louis had - but he couldn't make it and Liam showed up with another close friend and soccer teammate, Niall. Anyone who wasn't Zayn was to Harry's relief.

_I'm not angry at him... I mean I have no reason to be, we're not in a relationship or anything. I just didn't see him as, ugh, the 'fuckboy' type._

Turned off was the better word for what Harry was feeling.

"So what was Zayn's excuse? Can't handle his alcohol?" Louis laughed and asked Liam.

Niall laughed and agreed with that.

"Nah, his girlfriend's here so he wanted to spend time with her." Liam answered him nonchalantly and Harry accidentally let's more sauce than he wanted spill onto his plate and some of his chips. "She's doing some fashion week thing in Italy and detoured here for a bit." Liam continues to speak, not picking up on anything from either Harry or Louis - who's blue eyes are the size of the plates in front of them right now.

He glances from Liam to Harry, but Harry gives nothing away. All he does is raise his eyebrows in slight surprise but then let's everything go, and so does Louis.

"The tall blonde?" Harry asks, surprising Louis, and Liam nods.

"They started dating in the final year of high school and been together ever since. She's trying modelling out." Liam fills them in and Harry nods.

He's suddenly lost his appetite but can't just shove his food away and cause a scene, so he acts like nothing's wrong, like anger isn't coursing through his veins.

He's pretty sure that last night happened. There's no way that he could have hallucinated the entire thing - hell, he still remembers hearing the condom wrapper being torn open in the midst of his drunken, hazy thoughts and music of the pub.

"Let's go out on Wednesday." Harry proposed once the table went silent.

"I say yes." Niall answered immediately.

"After your exam? -" Louis asked a bit shocked to hear this coming from Harry.

"Mhmm."

"It's not like that's the only one you have. Don't you have stats on Friday?"

"I want to unwind after wracking my brain for three hours. Liam, you guys should come again." Harry smiles and Liam nods. Honestly Harry didn't need to invite him because they probably would be there anyway.

***

It was the day of his exam and Harry felt like he had flunked the damn thing.

"Wasn't that bad was it?" Louis asked as soon as Harry walked in.

"I didn't get to finish my last essay, Lou." Harry sighed, letting his sling bag fall from his shoulder.

"...But you finished the other three so, that's a seventy-five right there if the last one goes to shit."

"Always the optimist." Harry smiles and says to himself.

"... So, about Zayn -"

"Yea, I don't think he's my type to be honest." Harry shrugs and Louis drops it. Right now, he can't tell if Harry's hurt or annoyed but knows that he'll come talk to him about it when he wants.

***

Since it was the middle of the week, everyone went easy on the alcohol tonight and vowed to only have a few drinks.

Again, Zayn was absolutely normal, not giving Harry so much as a second look.

A few minutes after they were all settled a group of girls walked in and lo and behold, Zayn's girlfriend was one of them, and it must have been Harry's lucky day since she decided to sit right opposite him.

"Hi, I don't think we've met yet." She smiled widely at Harry and introduced herself.

Harry forced a smile to his face and nodded, not really taking anything of what she was saying in.

She sure does talk a lot. Harry thought to himself and rolled his eyes, hearing the sound of her voice dominate a conversation once again.

"Okay, well, this round's on me." Zayn tells the group and eases out of the booth.

"You know what, I'll go help him." Harry quickly says and follows.

"You're a real piece of work, you know that?" Harry said from beside Zayn and Zayn simply raised his brows.

"And what's your problem?" Zayn sighed.

"Are you serious?? Are you honestly going to act like the other night didn't happen, because I don't care how drunk you were, there's no way you cannot remember fuck-"

"Can you lower your voice?!" Zayn angrily whispered and Harry clenched his jaw. "Look, that night was an accident, okay?" Zayn said and looked away from Harry again, waiting for the barman to serve him.

"An accident? You're a fucking cheat who knew exactly what he was doing. Accident, my arse."

"Oh please, just drop it already, Harry. I don't know why you've got your panties in a bunch anyway, I just gave you what you were asking for."

"Excuse me??"

"I saw the way you were looking at me since you and your buddy walked in on the very first night."

Harry couldn't believe what he was hearing. He couldn't believe that he actually liked a person like Zayn.

"You're such a prick." Harry said shaking his head.

"Go cry somewhere else, Princess." Zayn sighed, uninterested in carrying on with this conversation.

"Oh?" Harry laughed.

He wanted to slap Zayn right now.

"Maybe I'll go cry to your girlfriend, Jenni, and ask her if she enjoyed the taste of my dick as much as you did." Harry spat, ready to do just as he said but Zayn quickly caught his elbow.

"Look. Just, stop. I was drunk, Harry. I made a mistake, just don't tell **GiGi.** " Zayn paused and sucked in a breath. "Please?"

Harry hollowed his cheeks and looked down his nose at Zayn. "Fine. Not for you but for her." He finished by roughly tugging his arm out of Zayn's grasp.

Harry snuck a glance at her. She was having a good time and knew how hurt she'd be to hear something like this so he, begrudgingly, decided to drop it, no matter how annoying he thought that she was.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Homophobic slurs

It was Friday morning and all Harry wanted to do was curl up into a ball and go back to sleep. The first thing that he did before he could get out of bed was check his Instagram feed. A few of his friends who had the same exams as he did posted a few memes about how this might be their final day on earth and it earned a very light chuckle from Harry. Closing the app, he got out of bed and headed to the bathroom. Before he could open the cabinet to get his toothbrush, he took in his tired features in the mirror. He hated the way he looked around this time - exam time specifically. He stared at his messy bedhair, tired eyes and puffy face. He thought that stress made him appear to be ugly. Fed up with looking at his 'flaws' he brushed his teeth and got into the shower, had some breakfast, grabbed everything he needed for today's exam and silently left, as to not wake Louis.

***

_Awful. Awful, awful, awful._

Harry massaged the left side of his head as he exited the exam hall. He was starting to get a headache right behind his eyes and all he wanted to do was head home, have a large mug of tea and take a nap.

Walking down the stairs and to his beat up little Toyota, Harry heard a group of people talking and laughing, and any other time, he wouldn't have given them a second look but he heard a familiar laugh that belonged to Zayn.

_That's just great._

"Hey, Harry!" Liam greeted him, as cheery as ever. He liked Liam. He was really sweet and genuine.

"Hi Liam." Harry greeted and hoped that that's all it would be. A quick 'hello' but Liam decided otherwise.

"What's up? You had that exam today, right? How'd it go?" Liam rushed out, as he almost always did when he was happy.

"Uh, yea. It was alright I guess." Harry wished that Liam could pick up on his down mood, but sadly he didn't.

"Ah, well I'm sure you aced it! The boys and I just here for a little practice, got a match coming up next week." Harry zoned out and stared daggers at Zayn who was speaking to another teammate but would occasionally glance at him too. He had a hairband pulling back his long hair, showing off his gorgeous face -

_No. He is not gorgeous. He's an ass of the first order, dammit, focus._

"Yea? We'll that's great, good luck for that." Harry nodded and gave Liam a pat on the arm. "So I'll see you around then." He said and took a step back, signalling that he really had to go, and Liam finally said goodbye.

Zayn, however, wasn't as eager to catch up to the rest of his teammates and slowly stalked towards Harry. He tossed the soccer ball in his hand, up and down a few times until he was right in front of Harry.

"Do you have something to say?"

"No." Harry said and adjusted his bag on his shoulder.

"Well then how about you stop giving me dirty fucking looks, hey?"

"Oh, what? Your conscious finally eating at you, cheater?" Harry asked sarcastically.

"Look, I told you I was drunk -"

"Yea, I know what you told me. One time it's 'I was giving you what you wanted,' the next it's, 'Oh, I didn't know what I was doing because I was too pissed.' You don't know what the fuck you're on about or who you want." Harry spat. He really felt like Zayn was bringing out the worst in him and wish he could have just let things go and walked to his car.

"Who I want? Are you insinuating that you're actually something that I want?" Zayn frowned.

"You literally sucked my dick." Harry whispered harshly. "And judging from your piss poor attitude, I can see that you don't want to admit what you did to yourself. What is your problem, are you afraid to admit you're bi or something? -"

"You listen here. I am nothing like you. I'm the one that fucked you, you little fag."

Tears immediately welled up in Harry's eyes and there was nothing he could do to stop it. He had never been called that word before to his face, and Zayn spitting it at him with such venom only stung more.

"What? Are you going to cry now, hmm? You're actually really going to cry?" Zayn sneered. "How pathetic."

Harry had a lump in his throat and his spit grew thick. He couldn't speak if he wanted to because he no longer had a voice.

He hated Zayn.

"Zaaayn? Sometime this year, mate?" A friend shouted and the group laughed and Harry felt even smaller, feeling like they were laughing at him even though they had no idea what just happened.

With one final look at Harry, Zayn brushed past him without another word and left.

***

"Harry! You're back! - You're late, did you go over time? Wh-" Louis sat on the couch with his eyes glued to the screen, busy playing Call Of Duty and started speaking once he heard the door open. "I was thinking you could make your spaghetti b-"

Harry had strode right past Louis and to his room, slamming the door behind him.

Louis was a bit frozen in place.  
That was Harry, right? He thought as he paused the game and slowly rose to his feet.

"Haz?" Louis knocked and tried turning the handle, only to find that it was locked. He walked over to his room and into the bathroom, to get to Harry's room, grateful that there was this loophole to Harry. He would always forget to lock the door leading to the bathroom that was between their rooms and Louis would always take advantage of that. "Hey?" Louis spoke gently as he walked into his room.

Harry sat on the edge of his bed, his back to Louis, rubbing his hands up and down his thighs.

"Hey, uh. I've got to study, so," He desperately tried to keep his voice steady and tears at bay but Louis still walked over to sit next to him.

"Exam that bad?" Louis asked, resting his elbows on his knees and looking at Harry, but Harry didn't laugh, he didn't smile, he did nothing but stare at the ground. "Harry, what's wrong?" Louis inched a bit closer to him and that's all it took to have Harry break down.

"That night, at the pub. You were right about the sex." Harry started and wiped at his nose before he told Louis the entire story - including what just happened, not so long ago with Zayn hurling abuse at him. "I know it's stupid to cry about because it's just a word bu- Louis? Louis!"

Louis couldn't hear Harry anymore, he couldn't hear anything anymore after what Harry had told him.

He grabbed Harry's car keys from his desk and rushed out to the garage.

Harry's legs were shaking as he ran down the stairs but he was too late and Louis had already sped off.

"Fuck!" He muttered and headed back up to their flat, to try and call him before he did anything stupid.

Louis was a nice guy, one of the best you could come across, but like ninety-nine percent of the population, he had one hell of a temper when he was pushed.

"Shit." Harry sighed when he heard Louis' phone ring on the coffee table. He had no other choice but to sit and wait until he got back.

Staring at the still animated image on the TV screen, Harry's leg bounced up and down, nervously, until Louis got back.

"Louis, Jesus." Harry sprung up once he saw the door open and Louis walked to their refrigerator to pull out a bag of frozen peas for his bruised red/turning purple cheek. "Are you okay? Louis, why -"

"I'm fine." Louis answered back normally and walked back to the couch with Harry following.

"Let me see." Harry moved his hand and the peas away to look at his face.

"... You shouldn't have gone there, Louis."

"Oh, Harry, come off it. The prick deserved it." He deserved worse if Louis didn't get pulled off of him - and get punched - by one of Zayn's teammates.

Harry didn't want this. He hated any type of conflict.

"I'm sorry he said that, Haz." Louis turned to look at him and Harry nodded, eyes wide and mixed with an array of emotions.

"Never been called ...that before."

"Yea, because it's a fucking word for a fucking cigarette and you're not a fucking cigarette."

Harry laughed. He had forgotten about the slang.

"Hug it out?" Louis offered, happy to see that he could smile again and held out his arms, knowing Harry loved a good squeeze and Harry accepted, resting his chin on Louis' shoulder.

He was just about to thank Louis but remembered what he had told him about 'sorry' and 'thank you' and bit his tongue.

Right, no more Zayn. He didn't want to think about what happened or him right now. No doubt Liam would be ringing Louis and/or Harry about what the hell happened, but they'd deal with all of that sometime that wasn't now.


	8. Chapter 8

"What the fuck was that?!" Liam shouted as soon as he barged into the bathroom, just in time to see Zayn spit out blood that had pooled in his mouth.

*

_"Louis, what are you doing here?" Liam had asked Louis, who ignored him and made his way straight to Zayn._

_"You got a big fucking mouth, you know that?!" Louis shouted and Zayn was just about to ask him what in earth he was going on about when Louis' fist connected with his jaw, sending him to the ground. Louis landed another two blows to his face, hitting him square in the eye on on his nose before he was pulled off by one of Zayn's friends._

_"Leave him," Zayn said after he saw Louis stumble after being hit._

_"You're a right prick." Louis said before leaving._

*

"Zayn -"

"What Liam?" Zayn shouted. "Just some shit okay, it's fine."

"Oh? It's so fine? Look at your damn face, man!" Liam pointed to the mirror and Zayn looked at his bruised and bloody reflection.

Zayn didn't need to look though. He could feel the effects perfectly well. "I just said some dumb shit to a friend of his." Zayn muttered and washed the blood off of his hands.

"Oh, Christ." Liam sighed and rolled his eyes. "Louis was right, you've got a big fucking mouth and now see where it's gotten you this time."

"Alright mate, I get it." Zayn lifted his hand to stop Liam. "I'll sort it out, alright?"

"Fuck sake, Zayn. You better.." Liam took in a deep breath before softening his tone. "Do you need to go to the hospital?"

"No." Zayn shook his head. Thankfully nothing was broken.

After taking Zayn's word that he was indeed alright, Liam left him alone so that Zayn could finish cleaning up.

He knows he shouldn't have said what he said to Harry, it was disgusting. Now all he needed to work out was how to apologise. He had no way of contacting Harry - unless he asked Liam...

_Fuck._

"Do you have Harry's number?"

"That's who you pissed off? What did you even say to him?" Liam asked after lacing up his soccer shoes and standing up to really get a good look at Zayn's bruised face.

"Look it doesn't matter, alright? I'm trying to make things better now, so do you have his number or not?" Zayn snapped.

If it was anyone else, they would have told Zayn to go and jump off a cliff because of his attitude, but Liam had known him for ten years now and knew that Zayn didn't mean to be like this. "Yea. You're lucky I just got it the other night." Liam said whilst digging in his sports bag for his phone.

Zayn mumbled a thanks and quickly took down Harry's number. "Look, I'm gonna miss the rest of practice today -"

"Yea no worries. Go get some rest and we'll see you next week?" Liam nodded in understanding.

"Thanks. See ya, mate."

_Now. To call Harry - no. Message him. Who even calls anyone anymore?_

Zayn: Hey

_\- no, backspace_

Zayn: Harry. It's Zayn. Before you block this number I just wanted to say that I shouldn't have said what I did.

Harry was busy spreading a mixture of Nutella and crunchy peanut butter onto an oreo (he really can't help his sweet tooth) when his phone vibrated against the counter top. He licked the remains of the sticky sweet spreads from his fingers and pressed his phone button with his elbow, frowning at the unknown number on the screen. His thumb stilled between his lips once he had read the message and now, instead of shock and sadness, anger coursed through his veins.

Harry: Is that your apology?  
Harry: Because it's a joke

Zayn was sat with his phone in his hands, waiting for Harry's reply and when he saw it, he thought about just not reply if this was how Harry was going to be.

Zayn: Well I don't know what you want from me? I'm sorry

Harry: Yea. Whatever. It's not the least bit meaningful so you can shove it

"Oh my God..." Zayn groaned and leaned back into his couch.

Zayn: Fine then. I'll meet you somewhere tomorrow afternoon to apologise.

 _I'll even bring a bouquet of flowers._ Zayn thought surly.

Harry: Fine. Coffee shop on Adams Rd, 14:00


	9. Chapter 9

Harry sat in the small coffee shop waiting for Zayn. He wondered if he should order something or if that would be a rude thing to do since Zayn wasn't here yet.

"Sir, can I get you something?"

"Oh, uhm," Harry bit his lip and nodded. "Can I get a cup of hot chocolate, please." He gives in.

"Sure." The young red haired waitress smiled at him before scribbling down his order and leaving.

Harry leaned his elbows on the table and let one of his hands rest and caress his neck. He was looking at nothing really when his eyes fell on a girl who had just walked in. She shrugged off her black coat and messily folded it to place on the seat next to her instead of draping it over the back of her chair.

Harry thought she was very pretty. Her petite face was surrounded by small golden ringlets that sat on her shoulders. Her skin was the colour of the coffee beans scent that filled his nose and made him feel so at ease.

Suddenly, just as she sat down, a loud voice grabbed both his and her attention, except Harry had only moved his eyes to see what the commotion was, whereas the young woman had snapped her head up and was now standing to greet another young woman. Someone with olive skin and shoulder length straight brown hair. The pair embraced tightly, excitement falling from their lips and eyes and the corner of Harry's lips perked up ever so slightly.

 _How sweet._ He thought. They're having their own moment, their own story like he is. _Are they long lost friends, reuniting after years? Are they best friends who have something big planned? -_  
Harry was unaware that he was staring, and the first girl he saw unintentionally locked eyes with him and blushed at the fact that she's acting like a child on Christmas morning. He offers her a smile and she returns it before they both avert their gaze.

He heard their excited chatter and checks his watch.

_14:15_

He would give Zayn five more minutes before getting up and leaving - well, hopefully if his hot chocolate arrived and he finished it withing that time.

Before he could let his thoughts wander any further, in walked Zayn. He wore a baggy blue hoodie with the hood up, covering half of his face. He dropped himself in the seat opposite Harry and pushed the hood down and Harry tried to keep his face expressionless.

Louis really didn't hold back.

The right side of Zayn's face was a deep purple with some harsh yellow and his lip bottom was slightly swollen. He hadn't tied up his hair today and let the black strands fall around that side of his face.

"Sir, your hot ch- oh! Uhm, ca-"

"I'm not having anything." Zayn said to the startled waitress before she could even finish her sentence and waited for her to leave before his eyes were on Harry again.

Harry held Zayn's stare, not breaking it even as he took a sip of his warm beverage.

Zayn pulled his chair in more and laced his fingers together on the table. "I'm sorry." He said in a low tone and Harry finally broke eye contact, looking at his melted mini marshmallows dissolving in the sea of chocolate. Zayn bounced his leg nervously and looked around the little coffee shop, watching everyone else be concerned with their own conversations. He licked over the cut on his lip and tapped his thumbs together. "I was an arse. I didn't mean what I said. It was just in the heat of the moment - not that that's an excuse... and I understand if you don't accept my apology, but just know that I am sorry." He said looking down at his interlaced fingers, and Harry found himself looking at his fidgety digits, moving to look at the tattoos on his hands. A pair of lips exhaling smoke with a bird on one and some type of design that Harry really liked on the other.

Zayn was going to silently leave if Harry continued to ignore him, not wanting to cause more damage than he already had.

"Are you okay?" Harry finally asked, running his finger gently along the curve of the handle of the mug.

"I'm fine. I deserved it honestly." Zayn laughed, half-heartedly, understanding where Louis was coming from.

"Well, I am sorry about ... that." Harry said, waving a hand in front of Zayn's face. "And, yea.. I accept your apology."

Zayn sighed a small breath of relief and pushed his chair out a bit.

"Do you want to order any-"

"Nah, I can't stay. I've got to be somewhere." Zayn answered, already standing up. "Uhm," He faltered before leaving the table. "We're okay, yeah?"

Harry looked up at Zayn with slightly parted lips and nodded. "... Yeah, we're okay."

"Cool... so then, see you around." He nodded and pulled his hood over his head again.

"... See you around." Harry nodded and rolled his eyes at himself once Zayn had left.

Things just had to get all weird and awkward in the end there.  
He just can't figure Zayn out for the life of him - I mean, he's never had a one night stand before. Are they all like this?

_Whatever._

He got an apology, and it was sincere, so he was satisfied and didn't really care if he and Zayn would ever see each other again.


	10. Chapter 10

Not seeing Zayn was not a likely feat. Liam loved going out just as much as Louis did and, loved having a big crowd tag along with them. So of course, on this Saturday night, Harry found himself sitting next to Liam and opposite Zayn, once again.

It was a colder night compared to others seeing as it had raining for the past week. Surprise, surprise. Harry played with the thread of his sweater sleeve and found himself getting lost in the loud crowd of the pub.

"Hey?? What's with you?"

Harry looked up at the voice. Of course Zayn's girlfriend had to be the one to care about why he was being so antisocial tonight.

"You're so boring, get a drink or something." She laughed and tapped her hand on the table as if to try and revive Harry's mind.

"What's up?" Zayn, who seemed to cone to his rescue, asked him before Harry could reply to GiGi.

Upon hanging out with their group of friends, Zayn and Harry stayed civil towards each other, but no effort was made to become friendly in anyway.

"Nothing. I'm just drained from the week." He shrugged.

"Exams?" Zayn asked, lifting his bottle of beer to his lips and keeping his eyes on Harry to see him nod. "What are you studying anyway?" He asked after finishing off his drink.

"Psychology."

"Oh, so can you like, read minds? Can you tell what I'm thinking right now?" Zayn asked with a playful smile.

"That's a _psychic."_  
_You idiot._ Harry thought but still let a soft smile grace his lips as he shook his head.

"So do you like, analyse people? Is that why you're so quiet? Just like figuring them out?" Zayn asked, leaning forward.

"No. I don't just walk around trying to figure people out." Harry said, slightly annoyed at the questions.

"Wow. Well, I'd love to just sit around and get paid for doing nothing." Zayn said with a light chuckle.

"Excuse me?" Harry's eyes widened.

"Come on, don't shrinks always say 'tell me about yourself,' or 'What was your childhood like?' People literally pay you to listen to them. Easy job." He shrugged and Harry must have looked like how he usually does in his stats lectures - a bit lost.

"You're unbelievable." He said shaking his head and standing up, heading over to the bar.

"Uhm, is there a problem?"

_That's not the bartenders' voice._

"Can you just .... piss off?!" Harry said turning to face Zayn.

"What's your deal? I was just trying to be friendly and make conversation with you." Zayn frowned.

"You call that being friendly? Do you just stereotype everything about everyone you meet??" Harry asked in slight bewilderment. "You're so fucking crass, ignorant, arrogant - God! The list goes on and on. How do you even have someone as nice as Liam as your best friend?! How does he tolerate you, fucking hell?!"

Zayn sucked in his already hallowed cheeks and broke eye contact with Harry, opting to look at his black combat boots. Harry had definitely hit a nerve with him and he was trying hard not to show it.

Harry didn't know why he snapped the way he did at Zayn, but seeing his face right now made him regret doing so. "Zayn, I'm -"

"It's cool, man. Two beers. It's on me." He said lacing his fingers together after throwing a pound note on the counter and waiting for the bartender to get them. After Zayn slid his drink towards him, he turned and headed back to the table, leaving Harry watching him with a frown on his face.

What is it about this guy? Harry couldn't wrap his head around it - couldn't for the life of him understand why, but he really did want to get to know Zayn. It just seemed like it wasn't going to be happening. They were like chalk and cheese.

After Harry's outburst Zayn was withdrawn and reserved, and even though he really just wanted to get black out drunk, he refrained from doing so, knowing it would just make things so much worse.

"Baby," GiGi cooed and ran a hand down his cheek, letting it settle on his neck. "This is so boring. Tonight is just... blah." She complained and pouted.

Zayn was just about to ask her if she wanted to get out of here with him when Harry was back at the table, leaning over a few people to say something to Louis before... waving? He's leaving?

Louis snuck a glance at Zayn - still not his biggest fan but thought he'd give him another chance when he heard that he had made a good effort to apologise to Harry.

Harry placed the untouched beer that Zayn had bought for him on the table, and awkwardly said goodbye to him and GiGi before leaving them.

"Let's do shots. Come on?" GiGi suggested, shaking Zayn's shoulder gently and, doing a complete 180, Zayn agreed and proceeded to do what he wanted to do earlier.

***

Harry sat comfortably watching the movie, 'The Way, Way Back', snuggled into the plush couch with a warm fuzzy purply blanket thrown over him when the door swung open, laughter and shouting immediately filling the little apartment and nearly giving Harry a heart attack.

"HAZZA." Louis shouted, arm in arm...with Zayn??? The pair looking like long lost best friends.

Harry raised his eyebrows questioning them but said nothing about their friendliness towards each other. "Uhm, okay, come on, Lou." He said rising to his feet. "Let's get you to sleep."

"Mm, the velvet." Louis mumbled and slowly walked with Harry to his bedroom.

Once he was done taking care of his best friend, he went to check on Zayn who was leaning on their kitchen counter, looking like he was about to pass out.

"Zayn?" Harry called and stood a few feet away from him. "Do you need me to call Liam? Or you wanna sleep on the couch?"

_Where the hell is Liam anyway? What the hell is going on?_

Zayn groaned and lifted his torso, staring at Harry a bit before full on grinning at him and, Harry knew that look. It was that same look Zayn had on his face that night they had had sex in the bathroom stall.

"No, Harry. But I can tell you what I do want." He slurred and sauntered over to Harry to hold the back of his neck and whisper into his ear. "I want **you** to fuck **me** , nice and hard." Zayn whispered and laughed before pulling his face back and bringing a finger to his lips. "But it has to be a secret. No one can know." He laughed again and tried to kiss Harry, only to slump against him, falling into his arms.

Harry stumbled backwards with the sudden body weight falling on him but, thankfully caught his footing in time before he could go tumbling down and take Zayn with him. He wanted to be shocked by Zayn's little... 'request' but he couldn't be. It explained so much about him. He didn't want to go and assume things bit with what he's seen and been through - and what he's just heard, he came to the conclusion that Zayn was closeted.

_I mean, he must be... right?_

He pulled Zayn up by his underarms and dragged his body to the long couch to let him fall down. He huffed after finally letting go of Zayn and grabbed the throw he sat with not so long ago. For someone so lean and kind of skinny looking, Zayn really had some muscles going on, and was super heavy.

I wonder if Zayn will remember what he said? - Just leave it, Harry. Leave everything and call it a night and get some rest.

***

Sunday. His last resting day (well, he wished) before he moved into the final week of university. He'd write his last paper on Thursday before kicking up his feet and just relaxing.

_I wonder if Louis' awake.._

He reached and felt around blindly for his phone and once found it, saw that it was only 08:30. There's no way in hell Louis was anywhere close to waking up. Not being able to fall back asleep again, he stayed up, switching between just lying there comfortably in bed and, looking through social media on his phone.

After half an hour had passed, he decided to wake up and get something in his rumbling stomach. Deciding to make French toast, he shrugged on a jacket and carefully opened the door, not sure if Zayn was still there or not. Harry's room was right outside the lounge so he peeked at the couch before he could fully open the door.

_No feet dangling off the edge...but he could be curled up._

Harry tiptoed out and when he got close enough, saw that there was no Zayn. He then went over to the bathroom and pressed his ear to the door.

Silence.

Finally, he checked the door and it was, indeed unlocked. Zayn must have snuck out whenever he woke up and realised where he was. Harry licked his bottom lip and kept replaying what Zayn had said, how he sounded when he said it.

_Nice and hard - Snap out of it, Harry, dammit!_

Shaking the thought from his head, he got out the needed ingredients and, a bowl and pan for breakfast before setting out to make it. After the first coated slice of bread hit the hot pan, Louis' door opened.

"Morning." Harry turned to Louis' to greet his messy haired friend.

"Mmm. I smelt food." Louis stretched and, greeted in a raspy voice.

"The first one's almost done. Sit." Harry nodded his head to the island and got a couple of plates out. "...So, remember anything about last night?" Harry asked casually once Louis sat down.

"Uhm," he shrugged and pulled at his sweatshirt sleeves, covering his hands. "Just all got a bit pissed after you left. Zayn bought shots for everyone."

Harry turned his back to flip the French toast and hummed in reply.

"We actually spoke a lot last night..." Louis continued. "About you..."

Harry peered at him over his shoulder and then slid the slice of toast on the plate.

"Oh?"

"Yea. Thanks. He uhm, I don't know he was pretty drunk but he just kept apologising for whatever happened with you guys. Also said that you're a nice guy and he's a dick." Louis laughed, remembering how funny drunk Zayn is. "And then he walked me home and crashed here I guess." Louis paused and tentatively looked up. "You didn't mind...did you? I mean, I know he apologised and stuff but -"

"It's okay, Lou. I don't have a crush on him anymore. It was harmless, and yea...it was fine that he stayed over."

Louis nodded and the topic was quickly changed to talks about their last exams and the holiday season fast approaching.


	11. Chapter 11

It was Monday morning when Harry went to his favourite coffee shop to get a cup and snack to go before he jammed in some final extra lessons before his exam. What he didn't expect to find there was Zayn, standing in line, waiting to be served.

"Zayn?"

 _Shit._ He wasn't meant to say that out loud - it just sort of left his lips on impulse.

Zayn turned to show Harry half of his face and gave him a nod.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to say that out loud." Harry, again, blurts out.

"Oh... uh, okay." Zayn frowns and turns to show the back of his head again.

"I'm sorry -" Harry steps closer to Zayn and apologises for his weird behaviour. Zayn really had some type of weird effect on him. "Uh," He played with the strap of his sling bag and was just about to speak again when Zayn moved forward and ordered some coffee and a chocolate muffin. 

Let's just start fresh. "How are you?" Harry smiles right in Zayn's face once he turns around to try and make his way to one of the stools to sit and wait for his order.

"I'm fine." Zayn nods and smiles at the floor, walking past Harry and thus, ending the conversation.

Harry quickly places his own order before he finds himself standing at Zayn's side again. "Can I sit?" He asks and looks at the vacant seat next to Zayn.

"If you must." Zayn extends his hand and shrugs.

Harry sighs and pulls his bag over his head to sit it down on the table. "Zayn... what's up with you?" He asks, tired of this weird cat and mouse game that's going on between the two of them.

Zayn remains silent and picks at his fingernail.

"Do you remember what happ-"

"Yea I do. It was nothing."

"You can't keep saying that it's nothing. I mean -"

"I have borderline personality disorder, okay?!" Zayn almost shouts and slams his hand down on the table.

"BLACK COFFEE NO SUGAR AND ONE CHOCOLATE MUFFIN." The waitress shouts out Zayn's order and places it on the counter for him to come and pick it up.

Harry stares at Zayn, his lips slightly parted.

_Okay. This explains so much._

"Not that it's any of your fucking business, but now that you know, can you leave me the fuck alone with your twenty questions?" Zayn sneers before getting up harshly and collecting his food.

Harry forgets about his order and runs after Zayn.

He remembers learning the basics of borderline personality disorder and can't believe he didn't pick it up with Zayn. "Zayn! Zayn," Harry jogs up to him, but now finds that he doesn't know what exactly to say.

Zayn turns his head sharply to look at Harry and cuts him off. "I don't need your sympathy. I don't need anything from some psych student like you. I'm not some experiment or whatever for you to analyse.

"I told you that I don't do that. Jesus, you can put your guard down when you're around me." Harry said, slightly annoyed at the fact that Zayn didn't trust him.

He quickly calmed himself and tried to understand Zayn's position. Of course he wouldn't trust him immediately. They barely knew each other - aside from the basics.

"I'm sorry." Harry said for the third time now. "Sorry for all the questions and stuff."

"So what, are you coming with me to practice?" Zayn asks him, ignoring his apology.

"Is it at the university again?"

"Yea."

"Well then, yea. I was heading there anyway."

Both boys are silent again as they walk until Zayn sneaks a glance at Harry's empty hands.

"Your coffee?"

"Oh," Harry pulls a face and waves his hand. "It's fine." He wasn't that tired anymore.

"Why do you keep hanging around me when I've been treating you like shit?" Zayn asks Harry quietly, making sure to keep his eyes fixed on the street.

Harry turned to look at Zayn and frowned. He couldn't answer that question. Zayn didn't mean to lash out at him, he just couldn't help it. He had a lot of things going on that he didn't know how to handle. He could feel Harry's eyes on him and turned to match his stare when he didn't receive an answer from him.

Both boys stared at each other as they walked. "Do you want to hang out later?"

Zayn didn't try to hide the surprise from his face once the question hit his ears.

"As friends?" Harry added.

"We're not friends." Zayn chuckled and Harry shrugged.

"Well then, as a one night stand? I don't know what else to call us?" Harry laughed and Zayn smiled and closed his eyes, letting out a deep sigh.

"Yea fine. Whatever." He agreed, lightheartedly.


	12. Chapter 12

"Fuck the pub." Is the greeting that Harry gets as soon as he spots Zayn standing outside the doors of the pub they always go to.

Harry stutters a bit as Zayn pushes himself off the wall and takes a drag of his cigarette.

"Let's go somewhere else." Zayn proposes and turns to look at Harry when he says nothing to him in reply. "You either speak a lot or say nothing at all." Zayn smirks and Harry feels himself blush. "Come on." Zayn extends a hand to Harry.

It's late. Around 23:00 and the streets are pretty dead - it is a Monday night after all.

Harry takes Zayn's hand and takes him in. He's got on a black beanie and grey hoodie pulled over his head, keeping him nice and warm. Black jeans and white sneakers adorn the lower half of his body and Harry's nostrils are filled with the strong scent of his cologne. Zayn laces their fingers together and leads the way to - well, wherever he has planned.

Harry keeps up with Zayn's pace and finds himself stroking Zayn's knuckles with his thumb. Zayn doesn't mind. He likes it, actually. Harry's skin is soft and warm against his own. "So, you probably want to know shit about me." Zayn starts off.

"If you're comfortable with sharing." Harry replies honestly.

Zayn chuckles at that and loosens his grip on Harry's hand until they fall apart and he puts his hand in his pocket.

Harry notices a group of people walking towards them and pulls his own hand into his pocket, all the while, still following Zayn.

"I had issues as a kid - with my weight and stuff." Zayn says and sniffs a bit as the night gets colder and colder. "Basically, I was fat." Zayn turns around to say and laughs a bit.

Harry finds himself smiling nervously.  
_Fuck, I don't know what to say to that._ Harry wants to be Zayn's friend. Not his psychologist. He doesn't want to say things like, 'Go on,' or the incredibly cliché, 'How did that make you feel?'

"Got made fun of everyday for my entire fifth year until I just got fucking sick of it and decided to do something about it." They were now at a park and walking towards a set of swings. "So, I started running, eating better - then I found soccer, which I loved.. People started treating me differently as soon as I started looking different. They were nicer." Zayn sits down first and leans against the chains of the swing to face Harry, who follows his lead. "I liked the attention." Zayn admits.

_And who wouldn't? Everyone wants to feel wanted, appreciated._

"I don't know. I just became arrogant and vain after that I guess... BPD happened a little later on. The mood swings, impulsive behaviours.." Zayn snorts. He's really putting all of his trust in Harry right now. He'd only opened up to Liam about these things.

He looks up and sees intent green eyes stating back at him. Harry nods and swings gently, encouraging Zayn to continue to speak. Zayn may not be going into detail about the things that he's been through, but Harry understands that it may be hard for him to do so, but is happy that he's speaking to him at all.

"And uhm... I do..." Zayn shakes his head and grunts. He's struggling more this time. "I like you." He confesses and sucks in his cheeks. "When I saw you at the pub for the first time... I just ..." Zayn laughs again and looks to the side at the deserted playground. It's hard to hear him admit this to himself, let alone to Harry. "I just thought you were good looking so..yea... I don't handle that well, I'm sorry."

Harry licks his cherry coloured lips and does somewhat of a shimmy/shrug. "It's okay. We were drunk and ...I wanted it too."

 _Does that mean he is in fact gay?_ Harry thinks but bites his tongue.

"I've uh, known GiGi since high school."

Harry feels the wind get knocked out of him upon hearing her name.

"We were the 'perfect high school couple.'" Zayn laughs. "I settled and we just stuck."

"Do you love her?"

"She's okay." Zayn shrugs and Harry bites back a laugh at his brutal honesty.

"I mean, I've known her for a while and -" Zayn frowns and looks up at the night sky. "It's kind of a dead relationship."

"... Does she feel that way too?" Harry asks and Zayn locks eyes with him.

"Does she know I like guys?"

Well, there's one way of getting that out.

"No one knows. Not even Liam." He sighs. "I can't tell anyone."

"... You just told me."

"Because it's different with you."


	13. Chapter 13

Harry's mouth goes dry and he licks his lips again.

_God, you've got to stop fucking doing that. Zayn thinks with a grin and leans his head back against the chain._

"How's it different with me?" He whispers and Zayn's smile falls.

"I just like you. You're a genuinely nice person. Apart from Liam, no one's really cared to make an effort with me and...I've lost friends or just never made enough." Zayn whispers back. He can see that Harry's a genuinely nice guy.. and he wants him to like him back... Plus the fact that Harry is indeed gay or bi - just receptive towards Zayn, helped a whole lot. 

Again, Zayn breaks eye contact. "Tell me about yourself?" He asks and let's his eyes dart from his shoes, to Harry, to back to his shoes.

Harry smiles softly and complies, telling Zayn the basics of himself, his degree, his family life.

"You know...I thought you and Louis..."

"Everyone does." Harry laughs. "I guess they're not really your best friend unless someone thinks you're gay." He laughs and Zayn gets lost in his dimples.

He finds everything about Harry so pure and honest - and so beautiful, my God. He can't contain his admiration for his beauty.

"But yea, we're friends. Like you and Liam." He nods and Zayn mirrors the movement.

"Stop staring, yeah?" Harry teases when he sees Zayn's eyes scanning the curves and contours of his face. He means it as a joke, but Zayn feels deeply embarrassed.

"Sorry." Zayn says and now it's his turn to blush. "Should get you home. It's pretty late." Zayn suggest, already standing on his feet but Harry doesn't want the night to end. He's happy that he's gotten to know Zayn a bit more, slowly becoming a friend, but reluctantly follows him back to his apartment.

**

"I won't come up so, goodnight." Zayn nods once they've reached the elevator and he hits the arrow button for Harry.

Harry nods back slowly too and takes one step closer to Zayn. "Can I kiss you?" He bravely asks and Zayn's eyes dart around them. They're completely alone, surrounded by nothing but each other and darkness.

Zayn laughs nervously and lowers his head but Harry moves closer until his nose is just inches away from Zayn's. "Fine." Zayn gives in because he wants to kiss Harry just as badly. He removes a hand from his pocket and let's it settle against the back if Harry's neck, letting their lips touch and slowly and softly move against each other. The kiss slowly grows deeper when Harry sticks out his tongue and Zayn instinctively opens his mouth so Harry can run it along the roof of his mouth. "Okay, enough." Zayn whispers once he's broken the kiss and Harry breathes heavily against Zayn's mouth, his eyes still closed.

"Zayn?"

Zayn snaps out of his short daydream and stares at Harry who's now in the elevator, his hand in the door, preventing it to close. He bites the inside of his cheek. The kiss wasn't real - even though it felt so.

"I'll see you around then?" He smiles gently and Zayn nods.

"Thanks for tonight...listening and ...stuff." He says somewhat awkwardly, trying to shake the thought of kissing Harry from his head.

"No need to thank me... we're friends." Harry replies with his famous grin.

"Friends." Zayn echos.

A bit if a rocky start to the relationship, but he's happy nonetheless.

"Good luck for your exam!" Zayn rushes out and shouts as he walks away, after suddenly remembering about it.

Harry just manages to shout a 'thanks' back at Zayn before the elevator doors can close and he makes his way up to his apartment.

The apartment is silent and Harry tries to keep it like that as he walks in, not wanting to wake Louis up.

His nose and lips are ice cold. Come to think of it, everything - including his feet are frozen and Harry, for the love of him, can't fall asleep if he has cold feet. A hot shower sounds like heaven to him right now and it a few seconds, finds himself quickly stripping out of his layers of clothes while the water runs and heats up. He doesn't know where things will go with Zayn, if they'll remain friends or drift apart from each other but he's willing to find out. He's always been that sort of person - to give people a chance... Even if it won't be so easy with Zayn and their conflicting personalities.


	14. Chapter 14

The next morning Harry was up bright and early.. But not to study, not just yet, at least. Yes, his psychopathology exam was over for him but he still found himself paging through his book. The loud sound of the pages turning echoed throughout his spotless room. It's a sound he loved hearing. Him turning the pages made him feel like he was doing something constructive and getting closer to his goal. It was just oddly satisfying to him.

However he wasn't focusing on the sound of the pages turning right now. He knows that he has the basics of the terminology of disorders that may affect people but he still wanted to read over borderline personality disorder.

He stopped once he landed on the page he was looking for and bit his left hand thumb while his right hand slid down the page.

_Intense mood fluctuations, self image and interpersonal relationships...... poor self image....?_

_Zayn really does take pride in how he looks - no Harry. Don't analyse._

_Lacks strong sense of self identity .... fragile self concept ... chronic feelings of emptiness._

Harry felt a lump in his throat form, after he read that sentence.

_Does Zayn feel empty?_

 

Harry shut his textbook and closed his eyes, letting out a long breath.

_Just be his friend. Be there for him, don't treat him any differently, that's not what he wants._

***

With weeks passing by, Zayn and Harry's relationship grew over time and things became easier - hanging out and talking, that is. Yes, Zayn would have his off days and lash out or be unnecessarily sarcastic and rude towards Harry, but Harry took it in his stride and Zayn would later apologise for his behaviour after Harry would help him understand where he would go wrong.

"Have you ever met with a psychologist?" Harry asks, and misses Zayn tensing because he's too focused on not having the tomato sauce completely smother his plate.

"Mm," Zayn hums and the soft murmur of the people around them fills Harry's ears instead of Zayn's voice.

Harry caps the bottle once he's done and leans forward slightly, and Zayn sure as hell feels the forest green eyes on him. 

After popping a chip in his mouth, he dusts the salt residue from his fingers and leans back in his chair. "He was a right arse."

Harry doesn't hide the grimace from his face. He knows that there are bad psychologists out there and some of them end up causing more harm to clients.

"Just sort of made me feel like shit after the diagnosis and then," Zayn takes a sip of his milkshake. "I never went back."

"Sorry about that."

Zayn sighs and shrugs. "It's okay... Uhm, so there's this match coming up. You and Lou wanna come watch?"

How Harry wished that Zayn wouldn't be so quick to change topics - but alas, this was Zayn and it was Harry.

"Yea, yea that sounds good. We're done with studying and stuff so," Harry nodded. "Yup."

This was the first time that Zayn had invited someone besides his family to watch him in his element. His girlfriend didn't really count, seeing as she would invite herself to all of his matches, not that he would mind. He loves to have a big crowd watching him do what he does best.

***

"Wanna go to a soccer match this Saturday? Zayn and Liam's." Harry clarified as Louis sat and ate some leftover Chinese fried rice.

"Mm, yea. Not doing much." Louis said and continued on his food while Harry leaned on the basin, sipping on his tea. Just as he was about to take another sip, Louis chuckled to himself.

"What?" Harry asked with a small smile on his face.

"Just you and Zayn." Louis said and looked up at Harry, his deep blue eyes putting Harry on edge.

"Me and Zayn what?" Harry forced out a laugh.

"I don't know, you tell me?"

 _Shit._ Louis had an inkling of what was up.

"You like him, don't you?"

"What? Well, yea, we're friends so -"

"No, you like him, Harry. I can see it almost everytime you come back or we all go out and hang out with each other. That 'dumb crush' didn't completely fall away."

Harry was an easy person to read and Louis was his best friend. So even if he did try to hide things, Louis would pick up on them. Zayn on the other hand was a closed book. So to Louis, Harry looked like a love sick puppy who stood no chance with Zayn.

"He has a girlfriend, Haz." Louis said sympathetically and Harry stared at the mug in his hand.

You don't know the whole story, Lou.  
"I know." Harry whispered.

"And even though she's not here anymore -"

"I know, Louis." Harry repeated, this time in a much stronger voice.

Just when Harry thought he could finally relax, what with the stress of university put behind him, he found a new obstacle to tackle and that was his personal life. A part of him wants to try and be with Zayn. Another part - a bigger part is scared. What kind of a relationship would they have?

Louis hadn't said another word to Harry but he could still feel his friends' worried eyes on him.

Harry threw the remains of his now lukewarm tea in the sink and hurriedly washes his mug before leaving the kitchen and heading to the lounge, filling the air around him and Louis with boisterous sound.


	15. Chapter 15

Saturday.

The big match day.

Zayn and Liam were warming up and psyching each other up. As much as they loved every single match that they played in, today was very special because soccer scouts would be at the match, looking for the best of the best to recruit, and both Liam and Zayn wanted those spots.

"Hey, hey," Liam cupped Zayn's face and gently shook him. "You're okay. We're gonna do fucking great, mate." He said, bringing their foreheads together and Zayn managed a nod.

Scouts look for a lot more in players than just their football skills and, all of the players new that; they need to assess the mental makeup of players. They need to see if a player is capable of playing under pressure and keep their emotions in check for the sake of their team and Zayn's mental makeup frightened him. It got in the way of too many things as it is, he didn't want it to tarnish something else in his life.

"Eye on the ball and the rest of us okay? Just pretend that it's a normal match, yea?"

"Yea." Zayn nodded intently. "Eye on the ball and the team. I got this - we've got this."

Liam grinned at his best friend and pulled him in for a rough and tight hug, both of them reaching peak excitement.

"Let's fucking do this."

*

"Really packed today." Louis mentioned before sipping on his beer.

"Yea, thank God we came early." The wind whipped around the friends, making Harry shrink into his jacket and scarf.

He wasn't much for sports, but he did enjoy watching the really big tournaments that they would have. Even though this wasn't nearly as big as some FIFA tournament, he was excited to see Zayn and Liam play.

Speaking of Zayn, there he was, walking behind his team, head down, slight frown on his face and jaw clenched tight. Liam was next to him, head up, looking straight ahead and letting his eyes scan the field and soon after the crowd. He locked eyes with Harry and nodded his head in greeting while Harry waved back and Louis cheered.

Harry puffed out a breath of air and laughed. "I feel nervous for them." He said with his cheeks becoming rosy.

He was nervous for Zayn and Liam because he knew how much they both wanted this and how hard they worked. They were both disciplined and consistent with everything they did.

Zayn was like a child when he spoke about soccer. He could speak about it all day. His favourite players, favourite teams, favourite moves. It was impossible to get him to slow down once he got started.

***

_"Zayn! Slow down." Harry laughed as Zayn went off about Brazil's latest match. He spoke so much and fast that Harry swears he took no breaths in between any of his rushed sentences._

_They walked together from Zayn's practice, with him dribbling the ball and just messing around while Harry watched._

_"Sorry, sorry. Fuck it was so cool - Oh, and there was this other match I watched, it was like, super old - I think? Anyway, yeah, there's this goalie, Rene Higuita, and I shit you not, he fucking has this scorpion kick thing he does and it's just fucking mad." Zayn said with wide eyes and Harry just smiled, not knowing who on earth this Rene person is or what a scorpion kick looked like, but he loved how involved Zayn was in it._

_"Like, I could show you, I mean, I'm pretty shit at defending, that's why I'm a striker, y'know?"_

_Harry chuckled and nodded and watched Zayn run off to an open area of grass._

_"Okay, kick the ball at me, give it all you got."_

_"Oh God." Harry said to himself and looked at a few people giving him and Zayn funny looks as they walked past. "Uhm, okay. Here we go." He shouted at Zayn before kicking the ball and nearly lost his breath when he saw Zayn's entire body in the air, his long legs curving over his head and knocking the ball away from him._

_"ZAYN, WHAT THE FUCK?!" Harry yelled and ran over to him as his body hit the floor._

_"I'm okay." Zayn laughed and jumped up, dusting the dirt and twigs from his clothes. "But that's what a scorpion kick looks like."_

_"Fucking hell. Leave it to the goalkeepers." Harry said, making Zayn chuckle again._

_"It's cool though, right?"_

_"Yes Zayn, very cool."_

_Honestly, it was but it just freaked Harry out a bit because of Zayn being airborne and kicking his legs above his head...looking like a damn scorpion._

_Resuming their stroll, Zayn would occasionally kick the ball to Harry who would protest any sort of contact with the ball and immediately kick it back to Zayn, making him smirk._

_"I wanna play for Manchester one day." Zayn confesses and turns to meet Harry's eyes._

_Harry nods and Zayn thinks that he's going to say that it's a pretty hard thing to accomplish. "Yea. You should totally just go for it." Harry says and Zayn let's an easy smile grace his face._

***

"If I fuck this up, I don't know when I'll -"

"You're not going to fuck this up." Liam cut Zayn off, shoving away his negative thoughts. "You won't, Zayn, now come on, let's go."


	16. Chapter 16

Time and time again Zayn had tried to score a goal in the match but it was to no avail. He looked as the minutes ticked away of the the now, second half of the match and could feel himself getting frustrated.

"Keep going, Zayn! Keep going!" His coach shouted from the side.

"Keep going, Zayn." A member from the opposing team mimicked, just to try and get under Zayn's skin. "Keep going right off the fucking field."

_Ignore them. It's not worth fucking everything up just because of this tosser. You can do this Zayn._

"Come on Zayn, you can do this." Harry says, unaware that he's started voicing his thoughts.

"Their defence is too fucking strong I can't do this." Zayn said to James, his teammate.

"We'll try to blindside them. Give me control of the ball and I'll try score because you're too much of a likely choice."

Zayn's calves were on fire - in fact everything felt like it was on fire. His skin, muscle, hell even his eyes.

Zayn and James worked together and did well up until the point where it came time to score. James got a good kick in - or at least he thought tag he did but it was far too high, bouncing off the top of the goal post and flying into the air, with everyone's eyes on it.

"Fuck!" He shouted, thinking he had missed their last chance at winning this thing when Zayn sprinted to where he anticipated the ball will land and jumped up, getting in a perfect overhead kick. It all happened at lightening speed for Zayn. One minute he was in the air, the next, he heard gasps followed by raucous cheering.

The ball had been kicked with such brute force that it smacked the goalkeeper square on the cheek, and into the goal post.

Zayn collapsed onto his left side, crushing his arm under his weight but never failed to take his eyes off the scene before him and in mere seconds, had his entire team on him, elated that they had just won their final - and most important match of the year.

"Okay, get off, get off." Liam said to the other guys after a good few seconds had passed and offered his hand to help Zayn up.

He winched slightly as the pressure was relieved off his left arm but the smile on his face never fell away.

"You fucking did it!" Liam hugged him and gave him a few rough pats on the back.

***

As expected, a huge celebration would take place that night. As soon as Zayn walked into the pub, he was met with a wide grin from Harry - mainly because it was those forest green eyes that he sought out to find over everyone else that wanted to congratulate him tonight.

"You were great today." Harry said, letting his lips brush against Zayn's cheek, sending shivers all over his body.

Zayn bit on his bottom lip hard enough to leave it throbbing so that he could focus in his own mouth instead of Harry's and nodded. "It was such a fucking rush."

"When are the scouts going to get back to you?"

"When they're ready I guess - early next year?" Zayn shrugged and laughed nervously. It was the first time that Harry actually saw him being slightly anxious about something.

"W-" Harry was cut off by other members of their friend circle coming over to Zayn and congratulating him before pulling them both to their table.

This is nice - it always is, but Harry notices how fidgety Zayn is. Continuously shifting in his seat, playing with his watch, stroking the stubble on his chin -

"I'm gonna go for a smoke." Zayn mentions and let's his eyes linger on Harry's before gracefully leaving the booth.

"Uh," Harry steals a glance at Louis who's busy chatting away with Liam. "I'm gonna go pee." He lies and sneaks out to where he saw Zayn go.

Once outside, in the alley, Zayn doesn't attack Harry like expected. Instead he offers him a warm smile which makes Harry blush. He kicks at the gravely ground with his already scuffed up tan boots and shoves his hands in his pockets, taking an easy stroll towards Zayn.

"How's that arm of yours?"

"A bit bruised up, but I think I'll live." Zayn smirks.

"You sure?" Harry teases. His voice full of amusement as he gets closer to Zayn.

"Mm," Zayn hums and walks fills the gap between himself and Harry.

Zayn's eyes dart to the door they both exited from before looking up at the slightly taller Harry, brushing his nose against his. They tease each other with small kisses and nips at each other lips but no one makes the first move until Zayn grins.

"You're so..."

"What?" Harry whispers.

"I don't know." Zayn answers honestly with a light laugh.

Harry is just so, so ___ to him - in a good way - the best way. He's never met anyone with his character, his charm.

Harry slowly removes his hand from his pocket to rest on Zayn's chest. From there, he moves it up to his neck and Zayn hums as soon as the metal of Harry's rings comes into contact with his skin.

The small sound encourages Harry to kiss Zayn once again and hold him in place as he tentatively sticks his tongue out to kick along Zayn's full bottom lip.

Harry sighs once Zayn opens his mouth and let's their tongues slowly touch.

What both do fail to realise is that someone also decided to get some air and open the alley door, only to quietly close it once their eyes met the sight of Zayn and Harry sharing a sweet but short lived kiss.

"Not here." Zayn whispers once he's pulled away and creates some space between himself and Harry. Harry nods, even though he's slightly disappointed. He understands that Zayn hasn't come out yet, so he would never force the situation.

Zayn licks his lips and looks up at the night sky, the stars few amongst the endless black canvas. "Go in, I'll follow in a while." He tells Harry who abides and heads back in.


	17. Chapter 17

"Uhm... Haz, I'm gonna go out for a bit."

Harry let his eyes flicker up to Louis to see him all dressed up and ready to head out. Normally it wouldn't faze Harry or anyone really, but it was Sunday and it was 10:00. Louis almost never gets out of bed until at least after 14:00 on Sundays unless he really has to get somewhere important. 

"Fiz is down and staying with Lottie so we thought we'd all go out and hang. You wanna come with?"

Harry pretended to play with the idea for a while before declining. "I think I'm just gonna have a lazy day in." He shrugged, still in his pyjamas and in front of the TV.

"Alright. See you later then." Louis called as he walked out. In all honesty, he expected Harry to decline the offer but that worked in Louis' favour all to well.

*

Harry: what are you up to?

Zayn: just got up. What about you?

Harry: lazy bones. Wanna come over? 

Harry: Louis' out for the day 

Zayn: missing my company already? 

Harry: psh. See you in a few 

* 

An hour later a knock sounded at the door and Harry almost got to it in one leap. 

"H-" Zayn cut Harry off by pressing his cool lips to Harry's warm ones. 

"Hi." He mumbled once he got a chance to break for air before going back to kissing Harry. 

"Looks like you were missing me a lot more." Harry teased and pulled Zayn's parka off of his shoulders, running his hands up and over his toned chest. 

Zayn laughed and kissed Harry's cheek. "Bedroom?" 

The pair stumbled backwards until they reached Harry's bedroom and collapsed onto the bed, not caring to shut the door. Harry striped Zayn of his sweater and already started feverishly working on undoing drawstrings of his track pants before he slid down Zayn's torso. 

"Harry wait," Zayn panted. 

"Wanna taste you." Harry drawled with lust thick on his voice, not giving Zayn time to formulate a coherent sentence as he already took his cock into his mouth. 

Zayn moaned and screwed his eyes shut, one hand travelling to Harry's soft, thick hair. Harry could feel Zayn pulsing against his tongue and flattened against the base of his dick to lick slowly up to the tip. "Oh, God." Zayn could hear his pulse in his ears and it only grew louder as Harry licked and sucked at his member. "Wait, I'm gonna -" But Harry didn't wait to give Zayn a break and soon the salty taste of cum hit his tongue. "Fuck." Zayn rasped and ran his hands through his hair. As soon as he could feel himself coming down from his high, he reached lower to cup Harry's chin and pull him back up, kissing him and tasting himself in the process. "I told you to wait." Zayn whispered into the kiss and felt just how hard Harry was against his thigh. 

"Told you I wanted to taste you." Harry grinned and kissed Zayn's jaw, quickly moving onto his neck and running his tongue along his caramel coloured skin. As he was about to sink his teeth into his flesh and gift him with a nice hickey, Harry gasped out when Zayn shoved a hand into his pants, grabbing a hold of Harry and involuntarily making him buck. 

Zayn swiped his thumb over the tip, collecting the bead of precum that had collected there slowly jerked Harry off. "Feel good?" 

Harry rested his head in the crook of Zayn's neck and groaned out a 'yes'. His rapid breathing was slowly drying out his lips and everytime he stuck his tongue out to wet them, Zayn could feel it against his neck, getting more and more turned on. 

As Harry neared his orgasm he lifted his head and sloppily kissed Zayn, moaning into his mouth as he thrust into Zayn's hand. "Fuck." Harry moaned as he came and let his entire body weight fall onto Zayn. 

"You know, we should have closed your door." Zayn breaks the silence with a light yet nervous chuckle. 

"Don't stress so much. Louis wouldn't judge." Harry assured Zayn and lifted his head to look at him, completely disregarding Louis' warnings about getting involved with Zayn because he currently had a girlfriend. Zayn brushed away a few loose strands of hair away from Harry's face and with the look that he gave Harry, Harry wondered in that time what they were. _Friends with benefits?_

_Will this be an ongoing thing?_

_'Zayn does have a girlfriend.' Louis' voice finally rang in Harry's head. In any other situation he would have felt awful at the thought of engaging in such sexual acts with someone who's been in a long term relationship._

But he didn't. 

One, he didn't like GiGi. Two, Zayn didn't even like GiGi - well, at least not in the loving boyfriend type way - 

"Hello?" 

_Speak of the devil._

"Hey .... babe." Zayn shifted awkwardly and Harry scrambled on top of him to try and get off, holding his breath all the way. One thing he did not want was to be caught, for both his and Zayn's sake. "No, just having a lazy day." Zayn lied effortlessly. 

"Oh my God, Zayn. Italy is stunning. We should just move here." 

Harry couldn't quite make out what it is that she was saying, but just the tone of her voice filtering through the speaker put him off. 

"Yea," Zayn said absent-mindedly, his eyes fixed on Harry's sour expression. "So you having fun?" 

"Yea modelling is going so great and _blah, blah blah, blah blah blah blah."_

"That's so great, hey so I'll chat later, yeah? Okay bye." Zayn bit his lip and locked his phone. "Sorry about that."

"It's okay.." Harry said scratching his cheek with his thumb. "Wanna watch a movie?" He asked quickly, not wanting things to grow silent and awkward.

"Uh, sure. What do you have?" Zayn asked, relieved that he didn't have to leave abruptly.

"Uhm." Harry got up to get his laptop off his desk and handed it to Zayn. "Have a look. I'm going to get cleaned up and I'll join you."


	18. Chapter 18

"Wanna go for a drive?"

"It's ..." Harry pulled his phone away from his ear to check the time. "Almost two, Zayn."

"And? You're awake, yea?"

"Yea...well," I was about to go to sleep, but... ".... Fine."

"Good. Come outside, I'm waiting here."

Harry chuckled at Zayn's spontaneity and quickly slipped on some sneakers and grabbed the nearest jacket to him before sneaking out.

*

"So, where are we going?" Harry asked after a few minutes of driving.

"Uhm.. I don't know. Just a drive." Zayn smiled as he kept his eyes on the road.

"Can I?" Harry pointed to the radio and Zayn nodded, allowing Harry to play around with the radio stations until he found something he liked.

"Is this Coldplay?"

"Yea. I love them." Harry smiled to himself.

Finally, Zayn came to a stop near a cliff edge, over looking the city and let the car engine die.

Harry looked around silently and Zayn answered his anxious question.

"Don't worry, I used to come here a lot with friends. It's safe."

Feeling ten times better by that, Harry let his shoulder sag in relief. "So, are you going home for the holidays?"

Where is home again... Bir- no, Bradford, that's it.

Zayn hadn't really spoken that much about his family whereas it felt like he had already met and got to know Harry's sister, mother and step-father.

Zayn nodded and played with his thumbs.

He was going home for the holidays....and GiGi would be coming back from Italy around the same time to spend time with him and his family. They absolutely loved her. She was perfect in their eyes -

"What about you?" He asked looking at Harry, wanting the focus to be shifted on him.

"Yep... Was your family at your match on Saturday?"

"Uh..yea, my sisters were."

_Ah, so he has sisters._

Zayn leaned back into his seat and propped his foot up to get comfortable seeing as Harry's intent eyes wanted him to go on and share more about himself and his life.

"Doniya, Waliyha and Safaa... Doniya's the eldest out of all of us, then it's me, Waliyha and Safaa -"

"They must have had a field day dressing you up in tutus." Harry laughed.

"You have no idea. The tea parties were eventful." Zayn chuckled, reminiscing.

"... You haven't come out to any family, have you?"

Zayn pauses and looks down at the city below them.

"They're not judgemental or anything...or well, I don't know... I just don't talk to them a lot - especially more so now with moving away to London."

Harry couldn't imagine something like that because he's always had a very open relationship with all of his family members.

"There were already a lot of disagreements and fights... So I tried to avoid that by just not saying much to them anymore. Moving out was hard.."

"Why didn't you and Liam move in together?"

"Oh we did." Zayn let's out a heavy sigh. "We're just better living apart. I didn't want to lose him as a friend." I couldn't.

"... Did you ever have feelings for him?" Harry asks in a small voice. _You know, once upon a time?_

An amused smile grace Zayn's face. "No. Liam's great, but not my type."

Harry nods and is grateful for the dark of the night to hide his blush.

"... I just had this idea that with me finally moved out, they were a better family without me there."

Harry sucked in a sharp breath.

"But Doniya always visited as often as she could to make sure I was okay and living alone got easier with her doing that." Zayn suddenly feels his throat tighten up and stretched his neck from side to side.

"You okay?"

"Yea, ha." He laughs. "Just waiting for the scouts to get back to me about soccer you know... Been on edge a bit. I just wanna know before the end of the year."

"Well, it's still the beginning of November, so I'm sure they'll be getting back to you anytime now?" Harry thinks out loud and can see the wheels in Zayn's head turning furiously.

He doesn't know if he did well enough.

"You're too hard on yourself, Zayn. You've got to take it easy. You know, you're doing a good job. I don't think you hear that enough, but you really are." Harry said honestly. Zayn was doing a lot better, day by day. Harry noticed the little changes in his demeanour.

"... Yea, well, thanks to you. You've helped a lot." Zayn said softly and turned his body to face Harry.

"I'm just..a friend."

Zayn gazed gently at Harry upon hearing that.

Just a friend.

"You're patient and have helped me more than I could explain." Zayn felt more at ease since getting to know Harry and Harry had become incredibly important to him, hell, he's almost at the same level of his best friend, Liam. "That's why it's so easy for me to talk to you about things. You're understanding ... and as we may differ on a lot of things, I think we have a lot in common, so that helps me."

Harry said nothing back but let his hand cup Zayn's that was resting on the side of his seat. He leaned over to press a kiss to Zayn's cheek, catching him unaware and earning a sweet chuckle from him.

Zayn turned his hand over so that his and Harry's palms were now pressed together and decided to return the kiss to Harry's cheek before they slowly found their way to each others' lips.

Zayn's long eyelashes tickled Harry's skin and he smiled into the kiss.

"We should get home." Harry whispered.

"Yours or mine?"

Harry chewed on his lips and couldn't fight the lust growing in his body.

"Yours."


	19. Chapter 19

Niall: DID YOU MAKE IT?? I MADEE IT

Zayn: I DID FUCK

Zayn: OH MY GOD

Zayn felt like crying, no - he _did_ cry.

Niall: Liam's not replying to my messages, you speak to him yet? :/

Zayn: no. will call him now, sure he got in too 

Zayn: fucking hell, Niall. we did it. 

Niall: long deserved :') well done mate

Zayn: thanks man, same to you :)

*

"Liam! Liam, they just called me!" Zayn shouts over the phone, tears already threatening over to spill. "I'm in, they want me." He grinned widely. He hadn't felt joy like this in such a long, long time.

"Hey, Zayn. Wow, that's great, man. Congratulations." Liam's flat voice sounded and Zayn's excitement slowly started to wear away.

"W... well, did they call you?" He asks, afraid of Liam's answer.

"Yea. Didn't get in."

Zayn's jaw hangs open but he's unable to produce any sound until Liam sighs tiredly.

"That's absolute fucking shit! How could they not want you - you're brilliant! You're damn better than everyone else on the team - me included!"

"Zayn, relax. It's fine. Really. I'll get over it in a while, okay? Anyway.. Congrats again. Speak later."

The next thing Zayn heard was a dead line. Liam hadn't even bothered to wait for his goodbye and Zayn felt awful.

Sure, Liam didn't want this as bad as Zayn did, but he still wanted to be recruited by the soccer scouts nonetheless.

***

"Something's wrong." Harry sighed after he kissed Zayn's rather still, pouty lips.

Zayn wasn't even looking at him, he was too busy lost in his own thoughts. Finally, he looked Harry in the eye and leaned forward slightly, brushing his nose against Harry's - asking for another kiss, to which Harry complied but broke away with a harsh smack of their lips.

"What's the matter?" Harry asked and moved off of Zayn's lap, crossing his arms and leaning back into the couch.

"... I got in...for soccer...they called me back."

"That's great! - That's.. supposed to be great? Right?" Harry frowned.

"Liam didn't."

Harry's frown turned sympathetic and he unfolded his arms. "Oh, Zayn -"

"Yea, you're sorry. He can try again. Whatever."

"Zayn."

Zayn took in a deep breath and leaned forward. "Sorry. I'm sorry." He said with his voice muffled, his head in his hands. "Just feel bad for him, is all."

Harry said nothing but scooted over closer to Zayn to rest a comforting hand on his shoulder.

Zayn reached over to cover Harry's hand with his own and kissed his knuckles. "When's Louis gonna be back?"

"I don't know. It's ten, so it a pretty early for him."

Zayn stood up, taking Harry with him and headed for his bedroom, making sure to close the door this time.

Once safely confined in the space, Zayn cupped Harry's face and kissed him lovingly. "I want you..."

"I want you too." Harry said against Zayn's lips whilst tugging off his jacket.

".. Harry .. I- I.. _want_ you." Zayn stuttered out in a shaky voice and Harry opened his eyes to see his flushed face.

"What do you want, Zayn?" Harry whispered and cupped Zayn's face, running his thumb across his lips.

"You." Zayn rasped put yet again.

"What do you want me to do?" Harry pushed and Zayn's hands fell from Harry's face to his hips.

"...." Zayn was too nervous to ask what he wanted of Harry.

"Do you want me to fuck you, Zayn?" Harry asked in the same tone and Zayn's dick jumped. Harry had never been dominant with him in any sense since they first started this relationship. "Do you?" Harry frowned, his voice a pitch louder. His eyes drifted down to Zayn's partially opened lips and took advantage of the opening, sliding his fore and middle finger along his tongue and Zayn felt his legs grow weak.

Harry stared at the golden doe eyes before him and Zayn nodded in reply. He's been wanting this for a long time and had many fantasies of Harry having his way with him. Zayn was so hypnotised by Harry's eyes, he didn't even notice Harry pull his free hand away to shove them in his pants. Zayn gasped and his mouth immediately clamped around Harry's two fingers.

"You're so hard." Harry taunted against his cheek and moved to kiss his neck, then in a matter of seconds, all hands were off him. "On the bed. Now." Harry instructed and Zayn's didn't need to be told twice. "Strip." Harry watched for a while and felt himself growing hard too until he broke away to get the lube out of his draw. "Lie down." He said to Zayn who slid down the sheets, palms sweaty and heart racing.

Harry wasn't really a dominant person - but he could be if that's what you wanted from him.

Straddling Zayn, still fully clothed, he let a hand fall around his neck, feeling his racing pulse quicken even more. "You like this, don't you?"

"Yes." Zayn answered, making Harry grin.

He got off and rid himself of his own clothes before squirting some lube in his hand, he then grabbed Zayn's dick, much to his surprise, and slowly started jerking him off.

"Harry wh-" Zayn sucked in a sharp breath as Harry sunk down in him, his own jaw falling open as his eyes fell shut.

"Shh." Harry groaned and started riding Zayn who got over protesting and let his hands sit on Harry's hips, guiding his movements.

Harry pulled his bottom lip between his teeth and got more lube on his hand and when he saw that Zayn was about to come, reached back to tease his hole.

"Relax." He panted when Zayn tensed and stopped thrusting into Harry altogether. "Relax, baby." Harry soothed and circled his hips, causing Zayn's eyes to roll to the back of his head.

"Fuck." Zayn panted once Harry had two fingers inside of him and started pumping. "Oh. Fuck."

Zayn's body was going into overload as pleasure coursed through his body until he came hard.

His eyes still stayed shut after Harry had cum too and cleaned up his chest and stomach.

"How was that?" He asked leaning down so that he laid flat against Zayn's chest.

"Can't feel my legs." Zayn laughed tiredly and rubbed soft circles into Harry's hips.

Harry laughed too and kissed the tip of his nose. "I know you wanted me to fuck you, but I just wanted to get you off like this first. See if you liked it -"

"I liked it." Zayn said, finally opening his eyes and Harry smiled at him.

"Next time then."


	20. Chapter 20

Zayn slammed his palm against his wooden headboard as Harry changed the speed of his strokes, going impossibly slow now compared to just seconds ago when he was pounding into Zayn.

"My - God - Fuck, I -" Zayn barely breathed out.

As fit and healthy as Zayn was, his arms were starting to give out as the pleasure ran throughout his body and he let his face fall into the soft pillows below him.

Harry placed his palm on Zayn's lower back and ran it along his spine, up his neck and into his hair, giving him a soft tug.

"I'm gonna cum." Zayn warned in a weak voice.

"Stroke yourself." Harry instructed, ignoring Zayn's comment and Zayn groaned tiredly in reply. "Do it." Harry spoke through gritted teeth and gave Zayn's hair another tug.

Zayn propped himself back up on one arm as he reached between his legs to stroke his length at the speed that Harry was going.

He marvelled at the arm that he saw, the tattoos that littered his skin. Harry wondered what they all meant to Zayn - if they held any meaning at all.

Zayn's loud grunt broke Harry out of his thoughts. His thighs quivered and shook until he finally lost full control of his body, falling face down onto the bed.

"Sorry." He panted.

"For?" Harry asked, slightly amused.

"You didn't cum." Zayn sluggishly rolled onto his side and then onto his back so that he could look up at Harry's wild green eyes.

"That's alright." Harry said in a sultry tone and let his body lower onto Zayn's, his still hard dick brushing against Zayn's now softening flesh. "Today was all about you."

Zayn grinned with his his eyes closed and nipped at Harry's plump bottom lip before he reached down and tugged onto Harry's dick, making him growl.

"Are you up for round two?"

"Are you?" Harry laughed and asked, making Zayn give him a gentle squeeze and hooked his legs around Harry's hips. He guided Harry back inside of him and ran his fingertips down Harry's back.

"Does that answer your question?" He asked, quite content now that Harry had filled him again. "Go harder this time." And Harry didn't need to be told twice.

***

Gemma: hey baby brother, long time no chat 

Harry: just enjoying time off 

Gemma: I bet you are. 

_Wait, what?_

Gemma: anywayyyy, when are you coming home? 

Harry: uhm, the 15th? 

Gemma: what??? I thought you'd be here tomorrow - the 1st :( 

Harry was supposed to be home by the first of December, but Zayn was only heading back to Bradford on the 15th, and so he wanted to spend as much time with him. 

Harry: sorry Gem :( I'm just enjoying my freedom 

Gemma: yea yea. Chat later 

Harry laid down on Zayn's lap and sent another 'sorry' to Gemma before deciding to end the conversation. He hated not being able to just come out and tell his sister the reason for his extended stay, but he found himself being more loyal to Zayn and kept his word of not telling anyone about their relationship. 

"Zayn?" 

"Mm?" 

"You okay?" 

Zayn was currently looking at the TV in Harry's apartment but not paying attention to anything on screen. 

"Yea. I donno. Liam's just been a bit off with me." 

Zayn wanted to blame the outcome of the soccer scouts decision to not recruit him, but he couldn't help but wonder - and worry - if there was something more to it. 

"Off how?" Harry asked. 

"Just the way he talks - or lack there of. I don't know. I don't want our friendship to get fucked because I made it and he didn't." 

"He's not like that. Just give him some space, yea?" Harry tried to sooth. "He's your best friend, Zayn. Nothing's gonna change that." 

Zayn took a deep breath in and leaned his head against the backrest of the couch. "You're right." He said running a hand through Harry's hair. "As always." 

"Not always." Harry chuckled and let his eyes slowly shut, enjoying the feel of Zayn's long fingers combing through his hair. 

"Always." Zayn looked down at Harry, smiling softly. 

*** 

Two weeks of bliss had come and gone and now the time had come for Zayn and Harry to temporarily part ways. 

Harry pulled over his thick grey knit baggy turtle neck sweater and went to stand on their mini patio that was outside their lounge. He stared at the untouched snow on the ground, admired the way it fell and sat. A perfect white blanket with slopes and dips here and there. Come to think of it, when he really looked at it like this, at night and with the street and neighbouring building lights shining down on it, it looked like God had mixed in silver glitter before it had been sent down to earth. 

How could something so beautiful; so perfect and flawless, be so dangerous and cold to anyone or anything that stayed in it for too long. 

"What are you doing out here?" Zayn whispered and nipped at the top of Harry's ear. He wrapped his arm around Harry's waist ans Harry leaned back into his body. 

"Thinking." He sighed. 

"About me?" Zayn teased, making Harry chuckle. 

"A bit." 

Louis had gone back to Doncaster last week and Zayn had practically moved in. 

"What's happening with us, Zayn?" Harry finally asked, wanting to know what exactly this relationship was turning into. 

Zayn's body stiffened and he moved from behind Harry to stand next to him. "I don't know." 

Harry fought the urge to roll his eyes and instead broke eye contact with Zayn to look at the snow again. 

"Hey," Zayn cupped his face. "Just...let me have some time to think...speak to my family and sort my head out.. I like you, Harry, I really do." He whispered the last part more to himself than to Harry. 

"Yea, well I like you too." Harry said stubbornly, sounding like a child who had just been denied their favourite toy at the store. 

"I'll keep in touch during the break. Promise." Zayn nodded and Harry looked at him. He didn't reply - couldn't really, so instead leaned in to gently press his lips to Zayn's.


	21. Chapter 21

As soon as Zayn was back in Bradford he had mixed feelings. On the one hand, he was happy to be with his family again but in the other hand, he already missed Harry terribly.

Once he reached the doorstep, he knocked three times, thereafter, expecting his mum to open up but was nearly knocked off of his feet by another body flying into his arms.

"Surprise!" His sisters shouted from inside.

Zayn's eyes were as big as saucers and his arms spread out awkwardly, not holding the body attached to his. "Gi? Hi..what a surprise." He forced his voice to sound happier.

"Oh, my Zaynie! I missed you so much, I hoped on the first plane back as soon as I heard you were coming back today." GiGi mumbled into his neck and tightened her grip around his shoulders.

"Yea, I missed you too." Zayn chuckled, trying to shake off his shock and pulls away to give her a small peck hello.

"GiGi's gonna stay with until Christmas." His youngest sister told him after she pulled away from his hug and Zayn nodded while trying to swallow the 'Oh?' that was bubbling in his throat.

"And then I was hoping that you could come stay with my family after Christmas and for new years?" GiGi said wrapping an arm around his waist.

_Oh fucking hell. Spend a month with her?_

"Yea." Zayn avoided eye contact with her, but his simple answer was enough to get her all giddy and excited again. "Where's mum?" He asked Doniya as his sisters and GiGi retreated to the lounge.

"At the shop. She'll be back soon. So how's everything been? You been well?"

"Yea.. I've been okay." He frowned and sifted through the cupboards, settling on a box of open Oreos to snack on. He hated surprises like this, more so because of everything that was going in his life at the moment. "'M going to 'npack." He spoke through a mouthful of biscuits and trudged his bags behind him as he made his way to his old bedroom upstairs.

Harry: home safe?

Zayn: just arrived, you?

Harry: yep been here for hours :)

Zayn: that's good :) chat later yea?

Zayn cringed and locked his phone again. With his mind swimming with thoughts, he knew he'd be awkward towards Harry and knew that Harry would pick up on it.

*

"How was modelling?"

"SO great. I was just showing Waliyha my portfolio - hold on I'll go get it for you now." GiGi said, hoping off the couch.

Her energy and enthusiasm to just be with Zayn again was tiring him out.

"Don," He quietly got his older sister's attention. "Can we chat later on?"

Doniya slowly nodded her head and let her forehead crease slightly.

"Okay, so this was the first photoshoot we did..." GiGi was back on the couch with Zayn's arm draped loosely over her shoulders, listening to her go on about her trip.

Doniya watched her brother nod and hum to whatever it was that his girlfriend was saying but saw that he held no interest for being in this position at all and had an inkling about just what it was that he wanted to chat about.

***

Harry was looking at his phone, waiting for Zayn to come online so that he could chat to him again.

"That Zayn?" Gemma caught him off guard as she walked behind the couch he was sprawled on to come and sit opposite him, near the fireplace.

Harry's cheeks flushed and his throat went dry. He didn't answer Gemma who raised her eyebrows, waiting for his answer.

"Lou told me about the new friends you guys made. You and Zayn really hit it off, huh?" She continued, trying to fish the answer out of him.

"Oh. Yes. Uhm... He was just asking about this soccer match. He's cool - Liam's really cool too." Harry cleared his throat, feeling it tighten up as he lied about a soccer match. "So, I was thinking that we could go ice skating tomorrow? Hang out a bit?" He quickly changed the subject and tucked his phone under the cushion before leaning back.

"Sure. That's fine." Gemma picked at the bow on her slipper. "So Haz, have you decided what you're going to do next year?"

That earned another blank stare from Harry until it clicked that he had just completed his honours year.

"Well, if I pass -"

"You will." She chuckled lightly.

"I was thinking child psych. Maybe apply at a few schools and see what they say." He scratched at his neck. He had always loved children and being a child psychologist was always at the top of his list of professions.

Venturing into a new job made him feel a bit uneasy yet excited. His only worry was would he start a new relationship too?


	22. Chapter 22

As soon as the rest of the household had called it a night and headed to bed, Doniya had taken it upon herself to take the empty buckets of popcorn to the kitchen and tidy up a bit. As she emptied the seeds into the bin, Zayn slowly walked in and leaned against the counter.

"So, what's up?" She asked casually. Over the years she learned not to be forceful with Zayn no matter how worried he made her for if she did, he would just end up pushing her - and others - further and further away.

"... I met someone. Someone else in London." He clarified.

Doniya discarded the buckets in the sink and stood opposite Zayn. It explained a lot, considering how uncomfortable and uninterested Zayn looked around his girlfriend. It was almost painful to watch them.

"When are you going to tell her?"

"... Don... I like a guy." Zayn almost whispered for he didn't know if by 'her' Doniya was talking about GiGi or this new person he had just told her about. His eyes stayed glued to the cream coloured tiles, scared to see what his sister's reaction would be.

"Oh," Her pitch was much higher than a few minutes ago, surprise evident in her voice.

"His name is Harry." Zayn had decided to for once just get everything out there and show his true emotions. "I really like him. He's really nice and funny and, shit, he's so smart too... He's helped me so much." Zayn said the last bit, finally looking into her eyes and she knew what he meant. Harry had helped him with his disorder.

"Does Harry know about GiGi?" Doniya asked and rested her palms on the small round table behind her.

"He's met her. We all went out for drinks and stuff.. I'd just thought I'd experiment a bit because..."

"Zayn. It's okay you know? I won't judge."

"I've had these feelings so, I thought getting them out would get rid of them but...just made it more prominent really." He sighs. The more Zayn spoke, the more weight he felt come off of his shoulders.

"How long have the feelings been there?"

He laughed and shook his head. "For as long as I can remember. I just didn't want to acknowledge them 'cause I thought it was wrong you know? Remember Ryan from school? Had a huge crush on him and hid it away... Then all the bullying and shit happened.. And then when girls started paying attention to me... GiGi especially, you know how every guy wanted her? So, I don't know I just became the image I thought I was supposed to portray because...it was normal."

"Zayn," Doniya inched forward a bit. "You are normal. Just the way you are now, you're normal. There's nothing wrong with loving someone who's the same sex as you."

"I know.. I'm still just scared though.. I wasn't the nicest person to Harry."

"... Am I the first person you've told - besides Harry, obviously?"

"Yea... Liam and I haven't spoken that much...I don't know. I'll speak to him later on. I just don't want to be excluded." It was one of Zayn's biggest fears. To feel how he felt when he was growing up. To be avoided, made fun of.

"Harry's not excluded?"

"No. Of course not...but it's not the same. Harry's just... You want to be around him. He just has this thing about him that draws you in."

"You're overthinking things, Zee... One thing I do know that is wrong though..."

Zayn furrowed his brows.

"Is that you're cheating."

"I know." His face relaxed again. "I know. I just need to figure out how to end things and then I will."

"Don't let it stew. The girl already thinks you guys are going to end up being married with three kids."

"What?" Zayn laughed loudly and immediately regretted it, in case of drawing unwanted attention on this little discussion he was having.

"She's completely gone for you Zayn. Like head over heels."

"Christ."

"What did you expect with how long you guys have been... together?"

"I don't know, Don. I was basically using her so I don't fucking know what I expected." Zayn snapped slightly but was quick to collect himself.

"Listen...just talk to Harry more about this .. How serious are you guys?"

"I like him a lot. Like I want to give dating him a shot. See," He fished for his phone to show Doniya a picture of Harry. "This is him."

"Wow. He got a brother?"

"Sister." Zayn laughed.

"Damn. Well, yea, I think the best thing would be to speak to GiGi tomorrow."

"This is going to end so badly."

"It won't, Zayn. Just be positive. There's no one else but you who knows how to handle this matter and I'm there right by your side if you need anything, okay?" She reached out to rub his arm and he surprised her by pulling her into a hug.

"Thank you."


	23. Chapter 23

The next morning, after his shower, Zayn stood in front of the mirror in the bathroom. He wiped the condensation off of the mirror and took a good, hard long look at himself.

For so long, he had tried to be your 'stereotypical brute of a man'.

Getting tattoos that now covered half of his body, building on his muscles - wanting to be bigger and stronger.

_What does that even mean anyway. If you identify as a man, you're a man, Zayn. You don't have to prove anything to anyone. Not anymore._

"Zaynie," A knock sounded from outside.

"Just a minute, yea?" He called back and secured the towel around his waist before moving to open the door.

He smiled softly at GiGi and moved aside for her. "When you're done, come out to the lounge. Chat a bit."

"Okay." She nodded and pressed her lips against his.

Zayn sat in front of the fire letting his hair dry while he waited for GiGi to be done so that he could talk to her about ending things.

_How am I going to do this? How do I even go about -_

"Hey." GiGi sank down to the floor next to Zayn and cuddled into his side.

"Uh, hey." Zayn awkwardly shifted to face her. "We need to talk ... About us."

"What about us?" She gazed lovingly at him.

"I think we should end things." Zayn said lowly and watched confusion etch itself onto her face.

The fire crackled and sparked, serving as the only sours of sound in the room.

"No."

Zayn's eyebrows slowly rose. "No?"

"No. Give me a good reason why we should?"

"I ... We've just drifted -"

"No we haven't."

GiGi was insanely headstrong and assertive but Zayn really did not expect things to be going this way.

"Look, GiGi... I'm starting a new chapter in my life, and so are you. I just think we lost that spark." _That we never really had._

"That's exactly why we should stay together! Because of this journey we're going on! Zayn we were meant to be together we -"

"GiGi stop. We weren't 'meant' for anything."

"I love you!"

"Only after I changed."

That stopped her in her tracks.

"You never paid any attention to me when I got bullied - hell you laughed with them -"

"Don't you dare. I **never** laughed with them. I told them to stop."

"Half-heartedly, yea? And then you brushed me away and got on with your own life."

"Okay, fine. Jesus, I was wrong to do that but then I got to know you and I fell in love with you, Zayn please. Where is this coming from?"

"I just need to focus on myself a bit." He shook his head and brought his knees up to his chest.

"Zayn, you need me."

Zayn frowned and remained staring at the carpet.

"You need a girl like me by your side."

"Are you listening to yourself?" He mumbled and shook his head.

"Maybe we need a break. But that's all. A short, temporary break."

"GiGi. It's over. We can still be friends because honestly that's all I see you as."

"So what? That's it. I just leave and never see you again?"

Zayn couldn't say anything. He didn't know what to say, 'Oh, no, stay. Hang out a bit, we can play Super Mario.'

"Fine." She stood up but knelt down to his level again. "One day when no one is by your side, you can dig around for my number."

Zayn held his emotions together while she stomped away. That had to be one of the most cold things she had ever said to him.

*

"She said _what_? God." Doniya frowned. After GiGi left, of course Zayn had to tell his sister all that went down.

"I know." Her words were playing on Zayn's mind.

"Well forget that. You'll always have us. You'll always have Liam, and from what you've told me, Harry too... Feel better finally getting it off your chest?"

"Yea... I do.. I didn't tell her that you know, I like some other guy and have for a while -"

"Not her business to know."

"I'm scared to tell mum and dad."

"We can do it together?" Doniya offered and Zayn made a helpless sound.

He wasn't ready yet.

"Whenever you're ready, Zayn. No one's obliged to know. When you feel the time is right, then like I said, I'll be right by your side if you need me too."

"... When we go back, do you wanna come with and meet Harry?"

Zayn surprised himself with that.

"Sure!" Doniya was elated. Zayn had opened up so much to her and she couldn't be more proud of him and honestly, he felt proud of himself.

*

Now with that taken care of, next on his mind was Liam.

Zayn: I know I sound like the needy over attached girlfriend but can you please talk to me?

Liam: hi, we're talking

Zayn: are you mad at me or something?

Liam: I told you I was just upset?

Zayn: nothing more?

Liam: no. There's no other reason I'd need to be upset

But Zayn didn't believe that and he soon started overthinking everything.

_What if Liam had somehow found out about him and Harry?_  
_But **why** would he be upset?_  
_Dumbass, how would he find out anyway?_

Zayn: then can we go back to normal? I need my best friend

Liam: he never went away you know

Zayn: stop being hostile

Liam: I'm not Zayn?! Fucking hell!

Liam: look I'll just talk to you later okay? I'm on holiday with the family and I just want to unwind for a bit. We're friends okay? Stop overthinking about this soccer bullshit. I'm fine, we're fine, no hostility, okay?

_Okay. Jeez._


	24. Chapter 24

Zayn: happy new year

Harry: happy new year, Zayn ☺

Zayn: I miss you

Harry bit his lip and felt as if his heart fluttered. He had been missing Zayn a lot too but didn't know if he could tell him that.

Harry: I miss you too

Harry waited anxiously if Zayn would reply. He waited and waited and waited until he saw that half an hour had passed. He sighed tiredly and pushed himself off of his bed. He needed to talk to someone.

Walking downstairs he heard the clang if some pots and pans and saw his mother setting the dishes from the day before.

"Hey," He threw his arm over Anne's shoulders and bent his knees so he could rest his head on her shoulder.

"Hello sweetheart. Do you need something?" She asked, quickly cupping his cheek before going back to her task at hand.

"Mmh," Harry moped a bit and moved to lean against the sink. "Gemma back?"

"No. She's probably nursing a hangover at a friends place." Anne chuckled. Gemma had pushed for him to come out and celebrate the new year with her but Harry had refused. He just didn't feel in the right mood.

"...oh..."

"Harry?" Anne asked, picking up on his quiet behaviour.

"Can we talk, mum?" He frowned and looked her and she nodded.

"Of course, hun. Come, sit."

Harry bit the inside of his cheek and drew meaningless patterns on the table.

"I met someone." He started.

"That's lovely, Harry. What's his name?"

"Zayn. Uhm, it's not all lovely." He mumbled and now it was Anne's turn to frown. "He's uh, got a girlfriend.." Harry looked up with see his mother's slightly shocked face. "Had. Had, I'm sorry. He just broke up with her, but I don't know. With what he told me it didn't sound like she completely let go." He shakes his head. "He hasn't really told anyone that he's gay and actually asked me not to tell anyone either, but mum I had to. I know you won't tell anyone." He leans back and sits up straight. "I really like him. I didn't expect to fall for someone like him in my wildest dreams but I did and - it's just all, I don't know? I feel like I'm constantly under water with all of the secrecy."

Anne moved her hand to cover Harry's and gave him a gently squeeze. She knew that Harry was open about everything. He loved to show off the good in his life and now that he couldn't do that, he was struggling with this relationship. "Haz, love, just be patient with him."

"I am mum. I'm just scared..." He whispered.

He was scared of being hurt by Zayn because of how fast and hard he was falling.

"He's so different to any guy I've ever been with."

"Darling, you know I've always told you if it's meant to be, it will be - without forcing it. I just think that you should talk to Zayn about the feelings you're having."

"I don't want him to push me away." Harry explained Zayn's condition and was worried that Zayn did not want anything super serious.

"He sounds like a lovely person from what you've told me. A little broken because of his past struggles, but still beautiful."

"He is...and he doesn't even see it. I -"

Just then the front door could be heard being shut and a very tired looking Gemma walked past the kitchen.

"Good afternoon." Anne laughed at her daughters' expression. "Nice of you to join us for lunch. It should be ready in an hour."

"No rush," Gemma mumbled and came over to say happy new year to each of them.

"Gem! You smell like a bar."

"I know, I know. Stop shouting, mother."

"Nice hickey." Harry spotted and Gemma adjusted her scarf before giving him a nice cold glare.

"I'm going to shower." She said before leaving the kitchen.

"We'll talk later?" Anne asked and Harry shook his head.

"No, it's fine. I just needed to get all of that off of my chest. Thanks mum."

"Anytime, love." She pinched his cheek and gave him a comforting hug before he was off to his room again.

_Just a few more weeks now, Harry._

***

"Ow, fucking shit."

Harry heard the mumbling curses from his room, back at his and Louis' shared apartment. Opening the door he saw Louis trudging his bags behind him.

"You could have called for help, y'know?" Harry said already walking towards Louis.

"Hazza!" Louis turned around, genuinely surprised to see Harry. "Didn't know you were already here." He moved, almost tripping over a bag to get to Harry and hug him hello.

"Just got here a few hours ago - No more lip ring?" Harry focused on Louis' face.

"Oh," Louis smiled and ran his thumb over the empty hole under his lip. "Yea, just got over it and took it out. _New year, new me._ " He said in an obnoxious voice, poking fun at the saying too many people used nowadays.

Harry laughed and he too stick his hand out to feel Louis' chin. "Good, you look better without it."

"Yea, yea." Louis rolled his eyes. "Now are you going to help me or just stand here and admire my godly features all day?"

Harry snorted and grabbed the bag closest to him. "Give you one compliment. New year, same you."

*

Later that night Harry sat glued to his phone.

Harry: so like, soccer just got 10 times more hectic?

Zayn: yea, plus I'm moving house to be closer to the academy

Harry: need help?

Zayn: nah. Got it sorted. Don't worry about the schedule though. I promise to make time for us

_Us._

Zayn: I'm excited to see you tomorrow :)

Harry: me too :)

Zayn: I'll come pick you up to show you around the new area I'll be in, sound good?

Harry: sounds great. I can't wait x


	25. Chapter 25

Harry and Zayn sat inside of Zayn's car, eating a variety of jellybeans, M&Ms, smarties and more sugary sweets.

"I feel like swimming." Harry randomly mentioned.

"It's so fucking cold, Harry." Zayn laughed and pulled Harry more into his chest.

"I know." Harry laughed at himself and tilted his head up to nibble on Zayn's jaw. "I like your scruff." He mumbled and rubbed his smooth face against Zayn's stubble.

"Yea?" Zayn smirked and grabbed Harry's chin in his hand so that he could give him a quick kiss.

"Mm." Harry hummed into the kiss and shuffled to reposition himself so that he sat atop Zayn's lap.

"Harry, not here." Zayn's hands went to Harry's hips as he started to grind on him.

They were currently sitting outside a deserted petrol/gas station.

"No one's here." Harry whispered, stroking Zayn's cheek with his thumb.

"I know.. but anyone could just show up."

Harry licked his lips and gave Zayn a defeated look.

"Besides, I have an idea." Zayn mentioned and started the car once Harry hopped off.

*

"Am I allowed to be in here?"

"You're with me so you're fine. Said you wanted to swim."

"How did you even get the keys?" Harry laughed.

"I made friends with the workers." Zayn shrugged like it was nothing - well it was nothing to him. He shrugged off his parka. No one was ever in here at night, let alone three in the morning.

He had brought Harry to the soccer academy and the two were currently standing near the indoor heated pool.

"I was just half serious." Harry grinned but peeled off his clothes nonetheless.

Zayn watched Harry dive into the pool, making it look incredibly effortless. Once he had surfaced again, he locked eyes with Zayn as he floated and slowly swam to the edge.

He was beautiful to Zayn. The way the water glided off of his flawless skin, how his wet hair was styled perfectly - as if done for a high fashion photoshoot - he was just gorgeous. Flawless. Harry swam to the shallow end of the pool and once his feet touched the floor he walked towards the edge of the pool and looked up at Zayn.

"Come swim with me?"

Zayn shook his head and smiled softly. "Can't swim."

"It's shallow. I'll teach you the basics." Harry tried convincing him with smiling eyes and Zayn laughed, sticking his tongue between his teeth. Harry licked his lips and raised his hand, extending it to Zayn. "I'll look after you.. Keep you safe." Zayn's smile slowly eased until his lips pressed together in a relaxed line and Harry turned his hand so that his palm was facing up. "I promise." Zayn couldn't say no to Harry. Not with how he was looking right now. So he pulled his shirt over his head and took off his jeans and shoes and grabbed Harry's hand. "Don't worry." Harry placed his hand on Zayn's side as he got in. He still held onto his hand and could feel him trembling. "See, it's okay." He grinned when he saw Zayn calm down once his feet touched the floor and his head was still above the water.

Zayn laughed and ran his free hand through Harry's hair and let it come to rest on the nape of his neck.

Harry let his eyes close and Zayn kissed his cheekbone, under his eye, the bridge of his nose - all making Harry's smile grow wider and wider until he finally settled against his lips. "Wanna let go of my hand so I can teach you how to float?" Harry whispered against Zayn's lips once he broke the kiss.

"Not really." Zayn replied honestly with a nervous chuckle.

"Just lean back. I'll keep my hands under you all the time, okay? Trust me."

Zayn tried to let go of Harry's hand, but he can't.

"I'm scared, Harry. I don't have control like this."

"But you have me, and the worst that could possibly happen is that you get a bit of water up your nose." Harry said with his signature easy grin that seemed to put Zayn at ease, albeit a bit.

Zayn took a deep breath in and leaned back and Harry's hand follows to rest under the middle of his back.

"You'll have to let go of my hand." Harry laughs and Zayn gently let's go. "Okay, now, feet up." Harry instructed and Zayn felt both hands under him.

Zayn lifted his left leg and then his right, but quickly floundered in the water when he felt himself begin to sink and with that, quickly panicked.

"Hey, I've got you," Harry was about to assure him that it was okay but Zayn was already out of his arms and back onto his feet with his heart racing.

"Didn't feel like you had me." Zayn said and moved to lean his elbows on the edge of the pool.

Harry wiped the water that Zayn had splashed on him from his face and swam over to him. He turned Zayn around to kiss him and wrap his arms around his neck to hug his wet body. "Zayn, you've got to trust me and yourself." Harry whispered into his his ear. "Try again." He pulled away and waited for Zayn to join him again. "Now, try to relax. Close your eyes and trust in your body." Harry said in a gentle voice as Zayn dipped his head back and allowed Harry to raise his legs. "See, just like that."

Zayn clung onto Harry's voice, the tone, the words, everything made him feel better - safer.

"I'm going to slowly let go, okay?" Harry warned and Zayn opened his eyes. "First your legs..okay?"

".. Okay."

"Don't stiffen up." Harry chuckled and Zayn let his eyes fall shut again. "Now, your back." Harry said, still in that calm voice of his and gently let his hand float away. He smiled down at a tranquil looking Zayn. "You're floating."

Zayn smiled and kept his eyes closed. "It feels nice." He said, feeling a bit brave and allowing himself to outstretch his arms.

"Ready to freestyle?" Harry teased and Zayn got back on his feet, laughing on the way.

"Not just yet." He pulled his bottom lip between his teeth and inched closer to Harry. "Thank you."

"For helping you float?" Harry grinned and let his eyes close as Zayn hummed and brushed his nose against Harry's.

"For looking after me. Keeping me safe." As Harry always did.


	26. Chapter 26

"Let's go before the sun comes out." Zayn said to Harry and pulled his arm as he walked towards the pool edge. Straight from the soccer academy, they headed towards Zayn's new place.

"Wow. You settle in fast. It's a nice place." Harry said looking around the simple yet modern bachelor pad.

"Mhmm, you know I move fast." Zayn said with a teasing smirk which earned a crooked smile from Harry.

Harry sniffed and fought against a sneeze because of his wet hair being exposed to the harsh weather.

"Come here," Zayn said to Harry who hadn't even noticed that he had quickly ducked away to grab a towel for him. Harry grinned under the towel as Zayn dried his hair and pretty soon his grin turned into a giggle. "What?" Zayn asked, smiling to himself.

Harry answered him by pouncing on his lips. His eyes still blocked by the towel that now sat limp on his head. He could not stop smiling. He just had no control over the emotion that washed over him. He smiled into the kiss, smiled as he kissed down Zayn's neck, as they both nearly tripped over each others' footing as Zayn clumsily guided them to his bedroom, as he peeled away Zayn's shirt and his nose touched his brown skin which had a hint of chlorine - God, he was so happy in this moment, nothing and no one could take it away from him.

Harry gently kissed Zayn's stomach, his eyes opened to look at the gun tattoo on his hip. The detail it possessed and how something so harsh actually complemented Zayn. "You're so beautiful." He spoke against Zayn's hip bone and licked a strip of skin.

Zayn gasped and moaned lightly everytime Harry's lips touched his skin. One arm positioned behind his head and the other drifted down until they settled in Harry's soft locks. He groaned when Harry took him into his mouth, still taking such care of him and going at a slow pace. Everytime he got to the tip of Zayn's dick, he would flick his tongue over the slit causing Zayn's toes to curl against his duvet.

"Harry," Zayn barely breathed out and Harry let his arm travel up Zayn's body to tweak his nipple before settling around his throat. His skin a complete contrast to Zayn's - not just in its' pale colour but in temperature. Harry was ice cold and Zayn felt like he had just gotten off the field after a soccer match.

He let Zayn's dick slide out of his mouth and hovered above him. "Yes?" He teased and kissed Zayn's cheek.

Zayn couldn't answer but palmed Harry through his jeans until he got the point and wrestled with the zip and button before Zayn helped in almost ripping them off of his long legs.

"Fuck, wait." Harry leaned back to fish in his jeans pockets. "I forgot the condom."

Zayn turned to open the bedside draw and saw nothing but an empty foil packet. "Fuck it, I don't care."

"Sure?"

"Yes." Zayn pulled at Harry's wrist to get him back to where he was.

Finally, with both of them naked, Harry got back on top of Zayn and started to grind against him while he kissed at his neck again.

"Fuck," Zayn squeezed Harry's arse to create even more friction.

Harry reached down to hook his hand under Zayn's knee and bring it up to settle on his hip. Not knowing (or caring) about where Zayn's lube was, Harry stuck two of his fingers in Zayn's mouth. The act, as he had noticed before, seemed to turn Zayn on even more. He watched as his eyes rolled back and he greedily sucked at his fingers, coating them with his saliva.

"Go slow." Zayn slurred once Harry rover his fingers and dipped his hand lower to tease and prepare Zayn.

"I will." Harry whispered and gave him an assuring kiss before gently pushing into Zayn. "Okay?"

"Yea," Zayn moved his lower hips to take more of Harry until he was completely filled by him.

Harry cupped Zayn's face and slowly rocked in and out of him. He watched Zayn's face. His closed eyes, how he breathed through his mouth and occasionally bit on his lip. Harry's cold body had slowly but surely warmed up and now a thin sheet of sweat had formed over both of them as they neared their high.

Harry buried his face in Zayn's neck as his thrusts grew sloppy. The hand that was on his cheek moved to his jet black hair while Zayn let his arms snake around Harry's hips, gently massaging them, raking them up his back and settling on his shoulders.

After sex both Harry and Zayn laid on their sides, facing each other and had a nice long chat.

"You know I finally came out to Doniya." Zayn spoke up and Harry immediately sat up.

"You did? What she say?" Harry asked in a tired but happy tone.

Zayn followed and too sat up. "She was supportive and accepting." He smiles softly. Like I knew she'd be.

"Oh, Zayn." Harry wrapped his arms around him. "I'm so happy that she is. And I'm so proud of you." He kissed his shoulder and Zayn buried his gave in Harry's hair. Since it had gotten wet again, it brought out the smell of his shampoo and Zayn wanted to soak up as much if the scent as he could.

"Thanks to you."

"No." Harry pulled away, much to Zayn's unwillingness. "This was all you, Zayn. You've gotta take responsibility for the things that you do. It's fine to give yourself a pat on the back."

Zayn hummed and pouted slightly. "Don likes you. I told her the next time she's around we should all meet up."

"You spoke about me?" Harry gushed.

"Duh." Zayn laughed and stroked his face.

Harry's heart fluttered. Zayn wanted to introduce him to someone important in his life.

"Well, yes. Yes, I'd love that." He smiled wider than his face could handle.

"Good. I'm happy about it too." He nodded and slowly sunk back down into bed. "I was going to go see Liam tomorrow - well, today?" He said and his eyes drifted to the clock.

_06:00_

"Let me know how it goes." Harry's gentle voice broke his gaze.

"I will."


	27. Chapter 27

"Well, well, well. Morning, Harold." Louis greeted Harry as soon as he walked into their apartment.

"Hey! Good morning." Harry greeted, looking like a deer caught in headlights.

"I'm sure it _was_ good." He replied, bringing the bowl of cereal - or rather what was just milk left, to his lips and teased Harry with his ocean blue eyes. Of course Harry had told Louis about his secret little relationship.

"Uhm. I'm gonna go shower." Harry blushed.

"Mhmm." Louis hummed, walking past him and to the kitchen to leave his bowl in the sink.

***

Zayn: can we meet for lunch?

Liam: time and place?

Zayn: 12:30. Nandos?

Liam hadn't replied so Zayn took that as an, 'I don't really want to but I guess I'll show up for a few minutes.' And by the look of Liam's face as soon as he walked in the door, Zayn thought that he was right. Liam looked like he didn't want to be there and was just forcing an appearance.

"You look like hell." Liam said, sitting down.

"Uh, yeah.." Zayn pulled his chair in more. "...training." He lied. Once Harry left his place, he wasn't going to think about sleeping, knowing that he wanted to sort whatever was going on with Liam out.

"Mm," Liam pressed his lips together, looking like someone had just shoved a lemon wedge near him.

"Liam... have I done something wrong?" Zayn finally asked.

"No."

"Then what's happening? Why are you so... I don't know you're just so upset with me and I'm wracking my brain because you said it's not the soccer? So what else is i-"

"Yea, well I lied. It is the soccer thing. I was fucking jealous, Zayn - I still am." Liam, finally let out. "I was angry at you too, which isn't fair because it's not your fault. I just.. I wanted in too."

Zayn sat speechless for a few seconds. "Liam, I'm -"

"Yea...I know." He said in a softer voice. "And I'm sorry too."

Zayn felt awful. How could he have not picked up in that even though Liam said he was okay. He felt that he shouldn't have just accepted the excuse as easily as he did. "...Maybe I can speak to the coach?"

"Forget it, Zayn. I'll get over it with time." He rubbed the back of his neck and pulled at his scarf.

"Maybe if one of the players drop out -"

"Ha!" Liam laughed at that. Who would ever give up an opportunity like this?

"Or like, I accidentally kick them in the ankle." Zayn grinned and this time Liam genuinely laughed.

"Please don't. We don't need anymore fights."

After Zayn's laughter died down, he but his lip. "...try again. Don't give up just because of one small mishap. You're a great player, Li."

"Yea...thanks. I'm sorry about all of this. I was a moody prick."

"Don't be." Zayn laughed. "Thought that you were pissed at me for something else."

"Like what?" Liam chuckled and Zayn was about to speak when the waitress came over to take their orders.

"Uhm," Zayn handed the menu back to her and Liam quirked a brow. "So, I'm gay." He leaned forward and spoke loud enough just for him and Liam to hear.

"...Oh!" Liam nodded and Zayn narrowed his eyes. Liam Payne was a disgustingly bad actor. He had no poker face whatsoever.

"You knew." Zayn said with a stronger voice.

"Pff! No, wh- okay. Okay." Liam dropped the act. "That time when Louis handed your arse to you -"

"Mate, it wasn't even that bad." Zayn defended himself.

"Yea, okay. Anyway. You wouldn't say what the hell was going on so I called Louis the next day and it sort of came out like word vomit."

".. What exactly did he say?" Zayn felt himself grow panicky.

"The one night stand..." Liam replied sheepishly and from the look on Zayn's face, Liam knew that no one was supposed to know about that. "Zayn, come on. It's Louis. Harry and him are like brothers.. what you said really hurt him so he had to go tell someone. Besides, you know Lou, he's cool."

"Yea and I see you've gotten pretty buddy buddy with him too."

"Yea...well." Liam shrugged. "He's a nice guy. He wouldn't out you like that - no matter how much of a dick you were."

"Don't remind me." Zayn mumbled.

"Don't be mad at Harry."

"I'm not." Zayn said, and he wasn't. He took time to calm down and think before he reacted and he understood. Plus Louis was a nice guy so there wasn't anything to worry about. This was still all in Zayn's hands. He would tell whoever he wanted, whenever he wanted. He was in charge of this. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"I waited for you." Liam shrugged.

"And if it never came out?"

"Then it's fine. It's something for you to share, not me to demand to know."

_God Liam. I wish more people in the world were like you._

"So...we're fine?"

"No Zayn, I expect you to immediately ask me out on a date so I can head home and get ready."

"Arse." Zayn laughed and shook his head.

"Yes. We're okay." Liam laughed with him.

And just like that, their friendship was back to normal.


	28. Chapter 28

"Malik. Number 3." His coach, coach Anderson called and tossed him his brand new soccer jersey.

"Thanks coach." Zayn caught the shirt and inspected it.

A head snapped up upon the mention of Zayn's surname.

_Malik. Ma - Lik. Where have I heard that name before? Hmm - oh dear little 'Zaynie'. Is that him? Wow, it has been too long. Never did I think I'd cross paths with him here, of all places._

***

"Wanna come out tonight? Boys and I are celebrating."

"Uhm," Harry scribbled away at something he needed to add to his CV. "What time?"

"Around eight. Nine...ten?"

"Nice. Really narrowing it down for me." Harry grinned.

"What?" Zayn asked at someone could be heard shouting at him in the background. "Nine? Okay. Nine is great."

"Hi Liam." Harry laughed.

"Bring Lou as well." Zayn laughed and Harry couldn't help but roll his eyes at Zayn's fears even though he understood it very well.

"Come out with us tonight?" He asked Louis with his phone pressed to his shoulder.

"Nah."

"Pleeeaaasse?" Harry begged and Louis frowned.

"Why? I'm lazy."

"For me, best friend?"

"Oh, fuck off." Louis tried to bite back a smile but failed.

"Please!"

"Fine! Fucking hell, you're so damn whiny." Louis groaned and tapped away at his phone before shoving it into his pocket and pushing himself off of the couch to go and get dressed.

"See you then."

"Alright, later babe."

"Babe, ey?" Liam wagged his eyebrows at Zayn.

"Shut it." Zayn warned.

*

"Louis?"

"What?"

"Can I come in?" Harry stood outside Louis' room, anxiously playing with his fingers.

"Yes? Why are you asking?" Louis opened the door for him went back to picking a shirt.

"Oh. Thought it was locked." Harry mumbled and went to sit on his bed. "Can actually see the floor in here for once."

"Can actually see the floor in here." Louis mimicked Harry. "Right. What do you need for lover boy now?"

"What? No, nothing - well, not right now anyway...but you know Valentines Day is coming up?"

"It is?" Louis glanced over his shoulder at Harry and shrugged.

"Yea... well, I was just wondering if it'll be weird to get Zayn something?"

"No? Unless you want get him like nipple clamps or anal be-"

"Louis!"

"If you guys are into those things then hey go a-"

**"LOUIS."**

Louis laughed to himself and pulled out his grey sweater before turning around to give Harry a wink. "You're so whipped for him Harry, my goodness." He said pulling the sweater over his torso and taking a look at himself in the mirror.

"Yea...well..."

"Get him a picture frame." Louis suggested. "It's not like, super serious but still nice, yea?"

".. That's actually not that bad of an idea."

*

"Karaoke night. Really, Liam?"

"Come on Zayn, you know I love singing. Plus I didn't make it on the team so I'm still a bit sad -"

"Oh please! You can't dangle that over everyone's head just to get your way everytime." Zayn laughed while Liam chuckled back at him and made his way up to the stage.

Escape (The Piña Colada song) started playing and the entire pub cheered Liam on as he sang.

"Come up."He called for Zayn in the middle of the song and Zayn waved the offer away.

"No ways." He mouthed, so instead, Louis jumped up (already having a few drinks in his system) and sang along with Liam.

"If you like making love at midnight, in the dunes of the Cape," Liam and Louis sang while pointing at a couple of girls who were well into the song and performance.

Zayn was just about to turn to Harry to mention how good the duo on stage actually were when he found a brunette happily make herself right at home on his lap. His eyes almost bulged right out of his head and Harry clenched his jaw.

"Sorry, was this seat taken?" She flirted, drunk as anything.

Zayn chuckled nervously and wrapped a stiff arm around her waist. Luckily for Zayn, the song had come to an end and Louis had noticed his little situation. "'Ello lovely!" He grabbed her hand and pulled her off of Zayn's lap. "Zayn's up next." He said looking him dead in the eye and pulled the girl into his arms to start dancing with her.

"Right. Yep." Zayn nearly shot up out of his chair and felt his palms grow sweaty.

Dreamy pop music started to fill the area and Harry had to clamp his hand over his mouth to keep from laughing out loud at how fast Zayn dodged his admirer.

"I'm Louis." Louis said as he waited for Zayn to start singing.

"I didn't ask." The girl bit back and turned to pout at Zayn who paid her no attention while on stage.

"Mm, charmed." Louis smiled and spun her into another man's arms as soon as Zayn started to sing. That man just happened to be Niall who proceeded to turn on the charm only to have the drunk and frustrated girl scoff in his face. 

"Yea, yea. He's taken, love." He mumbled once he saw the longing look on her face pointed in Zayn's direction, and dropped his arms from hers, heading to the bar.

Louis made his way to where Harry was and took Zayn's place. "Well, she was just lovely. Hey, isn't this what? 85 something?"

"The 1975." Harry corrected and quietened him down so that he could listen to Zayn croon on stage.

_He's actually got a really lovely voice._

Zayn started laughing halfway through the song because of the lyrics and let someone else take over from him. "Sorry about that." He whispered to Harry once he sat down again.

Harry smiled and gently stroked the back of his hand with his thumb under the table. "Another round?"


	29. Chapter 29

The next morning Harry was straddling Zayn on his bed, aiming his point and shoot camera at Zayn, who gave him a cheesy grin. "You're adorable." Harry laughed, after he's taken the picture of Zayn.

Zayn stroked Harry's hip and smiled back at him. "Don't let anyone see those." He whispered.

"Don't worry, I won't." Harry assured him and went through the pictures he's already taken of Zayn. He was subconsciously gently scratching at Zayn's sternum and the act causes Zayn to breakout in goosebumps. Harry noticed this and got his camera ready again. The picture captured Zayn's skin and only his skin, none of his tattoos are in sight. Harry thought that it was beautiful. The colour reminded him of beach sand. 

He loves the beach, especially when it's near to being deserted as soon as dawn breaks. He loves getting his feet wet and then slowly submerging his entire body into the ocean, letting it completely envelope him.

"You're beautiful."

"I know." Zayn smiled up at Harry who was grinning at him, expecting that answer.

Harry playfully rolled his eyes.

"You tell me that all the time it's stuck in my head." Zayn said and Harry bit his lip.

"Well, because I want you to know that you are... You're so great, not in just what you look like, but how you are - who you are." And Harry didn't want Zayn to think that his mental illness defined who he was as a person because that was not the case. Harry placed his palm flat on Zayn's chest only to have Zayn pick it up so that he could kiss Harry's knuckles.

"Can I take one of us?" Harry asked.

"Yea." Zayn whispered back with a nod and Harry laid down on his chest.

"Smile. Big smile. No glum bum."

"Take the picture!" Zayn squeezed Harry's side lovingly, making him jolt upright with a giggle.

"Okay.. one... two... three."

Harry turned the camera around to see their picture and laughed. He had his hand under Zayn's chin and had an easy grin on his face. Zayn on the other hand was smiling so wide it looked like his face would split. His eyes were screwed shut and the bridge of his nose slightly wrinkled, but what a megawatt smile. Harry loved it.

"Goof ball."

"You said to smile big?" Zayn smirked.

Harry, satisfied with their picture, put his camera down and laid back on Zayn. He kissed his chest, taking his time to touch as much of the soft, warm brown skin that he could. He took Zayn's nipple into his mouth and heard Zayn's breath hitch. Harry chuckled and moved back up, settling on the patch of skin on his collarbone bone that hadn't been inked.

"You're such a Friday." Harry smiled against Zayn's chest and kissed his clavicle once again.

Zayn stayed silent and let the wheels in his head turn.

_A Friday? Is that some kind of new slang? Ugh, I feel old now._

"What's that mean?" Zayn whispered so softly, for fear of feeling stupid, that Harry barely heard him.

"Hmm?" Harry hummed and kept his head pressed against Zayn's chest, enjoying the rhythmic beating of his calm heart.

"What does that mean, I'm a 'Friday'?"

"... I look forward to seeing you. I never used to before, but now I can't wait until you come around... like a Friday."

Zayn laughed at Harry's effortless answer.

"Ouch." He chuckled.

Harry grinned and looked up at Zayn, now resting his chin on his chest. "We didn't have the best start to a relationship." Harry smiled and Zayn smiled back in agreement. "...It just sort of reminded me of when I first started uni." Harry's deep voice is slower and calmer now, setting Zayn at ease. "When I first started, it was daunting and I was nervous about getting out and meeting new people... but then as I came out of my shell and got used to seeing more, I liked it. I couldn't wait for Friday to come around, to just take a break from the books and feel alive. Meeting you, getting to know you, it made me feel like that again."

Harry sat up and straddled Zayn before he looked down at him.

"I'm a Friday." Zayn smirked and massaged Harry's hip bones.

Harry leaned to the side and Zayn thought that he was about to get off, but he reached over to his bedside table to grab a pen. "Friday." Harry whispered as he started writing on Zayn.

_'My Friday. Love Harry.'_

"What have you gone and drawn on me now, Harry?"

"Check later." Harry teased.

If Zayn could stay in this moment forever he would. He had never felt so content. With his arm draped comfortably around Harry's shoulder he felt like he had everything he needed.

"By the way," Harry whispered. "I passed all of my exams."

"What?" Zayn sat up and brought Harry along with him, peppering his face with kisses. "That's so - congratulations."

"Thanks, I just found out the other day." Harry laughed and spoke in between kisses.

"When's graduation?" Zayn asked once he finally let go of Harry's face.

"I don't know. They haven't given us a date yet... you can come if you want?" Harry looked so hopeful. He would love for Zayn to meet his family especially at such am important event.

"Let me know when it is, okay? Don't forget." Zayn whispered against his lips and kissed him sweetly.

_I won't, I promise. God, Zayn, I love you._


	30. Chapter 30

Harry surprised himself with that.

He was in love with Zayn. Completely and utterly in love with him.

"What is it?" Zayn asked with a small laugh. The corners of his eyes wrinkled because of his smile.

"N-nothing." Harry forced out and kissed him again before jumping out of bed to put on a pair of pants.

"As much as I'd love to just stay and do nothing with you all day, we've got practice in a few hours." Zayn said following his movements and gathered his clothes.

"I understand. I'll drive you." Harry said and began the search for his car keys once he had pulled a hoodie over his head.

*

On his way back from Zayn's, he stopped at a little gift shop to look for a picture frame. He finally settled on a silver, olden antique style frame. He thought that it suited both him and Zayn rather well.

"Dammit. I should have brought my camera with." He mumbled to himself as he walked towards his apartment door. He contemplated quickly grabbing it and heading back into town to print some of the pictures but his thoughts stopped altogether when he heard a female voice coming from Louis' room. An all too familiar voice.

Before he could make anything of it the door swung open to reveal a laughing Louis and Gemma. Harry, more from shock then anything, fell right back into the front door, his eyes wide with surprise. "Gemma?"

"Harry." Her smile quickly fell, as did Louis'.

"I thought you were with Zayn?" Louis blurted out.

"Who's Zayn?" Gemma asked with a quirked brow.

_Oh God._

"I? What are you guys..." Was all Harry was able to get out. He already knew what was going on. Why Louis seemed to be going out as much as him, how both of them seemed to be glued to their phones more than usual, the hickeys on Gemma's neck - _oh God, ew, sicksicksick._ He felt like he was going to throw up at the thought.

"Harry -"

"Why were you guys sneaking around behind my back?" He cut his sister off.

"Because you weren't the most supportive of the relationship. Hell you wouldn't even let me take her out on a date." Louis answered.

It was the secrecy of it all that had hurt Harry more than anything.

"For good reasons, Louis! She's been fucked over in the past - by guys like you!"

"I told you I wouldn't do that, Harry! God, I like her, okay, I really like her and I wouldn't do that."

"Harry, I love you but you've got to stop worrying so much. Louis' changed.. and I really like him too." Gemma interjected.

"Yea, well congratulations." Harry told the both of them and stomped to his room, grabbed his camera and brushed past them again to head out the door.

"Harry!" Louis shouted.

"Let me go after him." Gemma said, already opening the door. "Harry! Harry, Christ, slow down will you?"

Harry wouldn't speak - wouldn't even turn to look at her.

"... So, who's Zayn?" She quizzed him, trying to break the ice. It was only fair seeing as he had found out about her little secret relationship.

_God dammit._

Harry slowed his pace and shoved the camera in her face. Gemma grabbed hold of his hand to steady it so that she could get a good look at the picture.

"Is this your boyfriend??" She almost squealed and Harry blushed.

"Yes." He grumbled. The had both stopped power walking and now stood outside the elevator.

"He's so fit! Well done, you!" She laughed and gave his shoulder a light shove.

"I'm still mad at you!" Harry said taking back the camera from her and her laughter died down.

"Harry, I'm sorry. Honestly it all happened so fast. I came over to surprise you one weekend and Louis said you had gone out. He invited me to the movies with I'm so it wasn't a wasted trip." She shrugged. "Ever since then we've just...gotten closer."

"Yea, I don't need to know more." He held up his hand and then brought it down to squeeze the bridge of his nose.

"Don't be mad." Gemma rubbed his arms. "Pleeeaaasse. You hid your boyfriend from me!"

"Oh, Gemma, shut up. I did it for a reason." Harry said, stopping her whining. "Besides you know that you and -"

"Harry," Gemma pleaded and Harry saw the sadness in her eyes so he dropped what he was about to say.

Just then, a sheepish looking Louis made his way over to the pair while he nervously readjusted his blue beanie. "Are we okay?" He asked and Harry glared at him.

Gemma gave Harry a hard nudge with her shoulder and he nodded. "Yea. We're fine. Damn big mouth."

"I'm sorry! You're just always at Zayn's so I thought you were heading there to spend the night again. I'll fill you in later." He said the last part to Gemma who was in the dark about everything Harry and Zayn.

"He had soccer practice and I came to get my camera to print the picture." He said hitting the elevator button.

"Well I didn't know that!"

"Well that teaches you not to be so fucking sneaky. I'll see you later." Harry said and stepped in and waited for the elevator doors to close.

Harry: you'll never believe who I just caught Louis with

Zayn: your sister? ;)

Harry: YES :''''(

Zayn: wait, really? LMAO I WAS TAKING THE PISS 

Zayn: best friend to brother in law, ey? ;)

Harry: I think not, I'm probably going to have mascara stains on my shoulder in a few weeks -.-

Zayn: awww Harry babe, you're so cute, give them a chance

Harry: they're so gross Zee, why her of all people?

Zayn: she's hot? he's hot? 2+2=4

Harry: 2+2=watermelon

Zayn: ahha listen babe, as much as I love your rants, I've got to go, will chat later, okay? 

Harry: fine :( 

There it was again. Harry had the impulse to send Zayn another message saying that he loved him.

_Nope. Just go print your picture, Harry._


	31. Chapter 31

The buzzing of the tattoo gun was an all too familiar sound to Zayn's ears. The same could be said about the feeling of the needle piercing through his skin. He closed his eyes as the pain intensified as the tattoo artist neared the end of the piece.

"All done." The burly man said, and all Zayn could hear was the sound of Radiohead filtering through the speakers and filling up the blue room. "Happy?" The tattoo artist walked up to stand beside Zayn while he inspected his skin.

"Very. Thank you."

***

It was Wednesday afternoon and soccer practice was just about to start, with the boys all warming up in their preferred ways. Zayn was rolling his ankles to get his joints ready for the afternoon and hadn't notice someone walk up behind him.

"You don't remember me. Do you?"

Zayn turned to see a tall brunette man standing next to him. A smug yet curious look on his face. Zayn knew that he was a defender, but other than that he really didn't know anything else about him. "Should I?"

"Well, we went to school together - for a few years only though. Then I moved away."

A crooked smile slowly formed on his face as the realisation set in on Zayn's face.

A deep frown formed on his face and his nostrils flared slightly as memories came rushing back to him. This was one of the kids who caused him hell back in primary school - the ring leader.

"Nice to see you again?"

"Piss off, Shawn."

"Oh come now, Zayn. We were kids. It was harmless fun. It built character."

"I should shove my boot down your fucking throat. Character my arse." Zayn got in Shawn's face and although his voice was level, his thoughts were ringing loudly in his head. "You and your fucking sheep made my life a living hell."

"Really? All those therapy sessions didn't help?" Shawn enquired, mocking Zayn.

Zayn didn't want to think about how Shawn knew about that part of his life and was focusing on not knocking his lights out. "You do your fucking job and stay away from me." Zayn couldn't mess this up for himself.

He adjusted his hairband and took one last look at Shawn before heading for a jog.

"I was just being trying to be friendly." Shawn called after him and shoved his hands in his jacket pockets. Pleased with himself.

***

_Valentines Day_

Zayn: before I pick you up, I've got a surprise for you

Harry: me too! :D

Zayn smiled at his phone whole he pictured Harry's child-like grin he always showed whenever he was excited.

*

"So what's the surprise?" Zayn asked immediately as Harry slid into the passenger's seat.

"Uhm, happy Valentines Day..." Harry handed Zayn the purple paper back and Zayn felt like his ten year old self on Christmas morning again.

He pulled out the picture frame and started at it until he was no longer smiling and Harry began to worry. "I can return it if-"

"I love it." Zayn said in a low tone, admiring the picture of him and Harry together. He thumbed the frame and then the picture, specifically Harry's face. "Thank you." He turned and his smile was back on his face and relief washed over Harry.

"You do?"

"Yea. We look good." Zayn bit and pulled at his bottom lip and stroked Harry's cheek.

"So," Harry's voice was a low whisper. "What's your surprise?" He lifted his legs to fold and sit on them and leaned closer to Zayn, a curious smile on his face.

"Well," Zayn reached up to turn the roof light of the car on seeing as the car park had rather dull lighting.

"I got another tattoo -"

"Another one! What's this, like the hundredth one?" Harry joked and Zayn chuckled.

He too turned so that he was facing Harry and pulled the collar of his shirt down and watched Harry's smile drop in an instance. He was looking at at his own handwriting staring back at him, etched in Zayn's skin forever.

Harry's eyes darted from Zayn to his collarbone and back to his golden eyes again. "Can I touch it?" He asked as if it was a priceless art piece in a museum.

"Of course." Zayn replied and waited for more of a reaction from Harry.

Harry let his thumb glide over the freshly tattooed area, already feeling some areas starting to scab over. Zayn hummed deep in his throat and Harry quickly yanked his hand back, scared that he had hurt Zayn. "No, it's fine - I'm fine," Zayn explained. "It's just that they're in its' itching phase and I can't scratch it."

"O- wait, _they're?"_

"..." Zayn pulled at his collar again and Harry's eyes moved to his left collarbone.

"What's that say?" Harry whispered and furrowed his brows at the Arabic tattoo.

"It means, like, be true to yourself - be true to who you are... I wanted to get it done because of everything I faced in life. From the time I was young. All the bullying, keeping things about myself FROM myself. I've finally acknowledged things and...I understand that this is who I am...and I'm slowly learning to be that person."

"Oh, Zayn." Harry sat up to cup Zayn's face and kiss him. He was so incredibly proud of Zayn. It took a lot to reach a stage like this and Zayn was doing so well. He was making peace with his past and present and learning that it was okay to love everything about himself.

"The Friday tattoo.." Zayn started and they both laughed. "It may seem silly to you, I can see it all over your face, but I just wanted it because.. Harry I know that being in a relationship with me - this relationship is hard. It's kept a secret and it must be frustrating .... but you've stuck around and been there for me .. and I just want you to know that you've become one of the most important people in my life."

"Zayn." Harry frowned and shook his head. "You're so lovely, and -"

_I love you_  
_I love you_  
_I love you_

"You mean a lot to me too. I'm so proud of you." Harry spoke against Zayn's lips before kissing him sweetly.

"This would be rather egotistical if this was your only surprise, so uhm, since it's Valentines Day, would you.... like to go on a ..date...?" Zayn asked nervously when Harry pulled away.

Harry's eyes widened in surprise. "Yes." He answered hurriedly. "Yes, yes, I'd love to." He chuckled and stayed staring at Zayn for a while as they drove.

_What a beautiful man you are, Zayn. I'll say it a million times over and over again because it's what you've become to me._


	32. Chapter 32

Zayn and Harry's date consisted of them making their own pizzas - which led to the two being covered in more flour than what was actually in the pizza. After, they had decided to have a horror movie marathon.

"This is so lame." Zayn commented.

"It's scary. I don't like clowns." Harry said and shrunk into Zayn's chest. The pair were currently watching the old version of the infamous killer clown movie, 'IT'. How're your tattoos?" Harry looked up and reached to run his finger over Zayn's collarbone. He was nestled with his torso in Zayn's lap

"They're okay. Healing up nicely."

"...why the question mark? After 'Friday'?" Harry asked, only noticing the little punctuation point.

"Well, you know how you explained it, like you couldn't wait for Friday?"

"Yea."

"So I just turned it into a question. Like 'is it Friday yet?'" Zayn chuckled. He thought it was quite silly but he quickly grew attached to the small piece of art on him.

He likes Harry.... He wants to say that he loves Harry, but...

Harry laughed. Not mockingly at Zayn, but with endearment. He thought it was one of the nicest things someone could have done for him. "Zayn, you're lovely. You really are." He sat up so now he could bury his face in Zayn's neck and breathe in the cologne that he liked so much. He brushed his lips against his skin and Zayn let his eyes slowly close. The irritation he felt from watching the poorly made horror movie slowly seeping away.

Harry twisted his body so that he was now straddling Zayn and leaving little love bites on his neck. Next, he moves to his jaw, his chin, his cheek, he kisses Zayn's eyelids, the tip of his nose and, finally his lips. "Thank you for the date." He whispers and Zayn's grip tightens slightly around Harry's thighs.

"Is it over already?" Zayn whispers back and rubs his hands up and down.

"No. I just wanted to say thank you right now." Harry smiles down, Zayn's face safely in his hands. "...Make love to me?" Harry's heart dropped into his stomach and then his stomach proceeded to do back flips after the sentence left his lips.

Zayn looks up at Harry and completely blocks everything else out. Harry looks so incredibly soft, vulnerable, loving and sweet. His cheeks are a rosy hue and his lips slightly damp with his saliva as he licked them throughout the night. "Here or?" Anyone else wouldn't have heard Zayn ask but to Harry, it was as loud as he wanted because Zayn wanted to make love to him.

"Here." Harry didn't want to create any space between the two of them and was impatient. "Here's fine." He nodded and Zayn nodded with him, making sure that he wanted this here - on a couch. He wasn't sure if it took away from the romance of all of this, but with the way Harry was looking right now, he would make love to him wherever he wanted.

Zayn nudges Harry's lips with his nose and Harry in turn grins, baring his teeth and kisses Zayn slowly, letting their tongues massage one another. Harry slides his hands under Zayn's shirt and let his hand rest on his abs while Zayn slides his hands under Harry's and felt his lower back muscles tighten and relax as Harry slowly started to grind on Zayn.

In one swift moment Zayn had dipped Harry down onto the couch - which was thankfully accommodating to both of their long bodies. Harry gasps at the sudden movement and Zayn moves down to kiss his neck. He pulls Harry's shirt over his head and straddles him, taking in his body and face. Harry's eyes are hazy and heavy lidded with lust. The scenes coming from the TV casting shadows and highlights on his body, making him all the more alluring to Zayn.

He leans down to kiss his cheek and Harry took the opportunity to grab at the hem of Zayn's shirt and pull it over his head, letting it fall to the floor and join his own. Next to go was their pants until finally, they had each other right where they wanted.

Zayn brought Harry's leg up to sit on his hip before he slowly glided into him. Harry clenched his jaw and arched his head into the armrest as Zayn bites and sucks on a sweet spot on his neck. "Yes." Harry breathed out, his face twisting with pleasure. "Make me feel good." His hand goes to the back of Zayn's neck and rakes down his spine, feeling the gentle thrusts of his hips.

Small strands of hair start to stick to his forehead as sweat collects all over his face and body. Zayn's starts feeling incredibly lightheaded, not that fainting type, no, lightheaded because right now, in this moment, he was so happy. He felt so good in so many ways.

He felt Harry's hand on his cheek, pulling him to lift his face to Harry's, trying to kiss him but ending up exchanging an array of moans and curses. "I'm gonna cum. Zayn, I'm gonna cum. Fuck!" Harry felt like he was about to explode. His toes curled and pushed against the end of the couch hard enough that it would hurt if he was in the right state of mind.

"Cum for me." Zayn encourage his approaching high. "Show me how good I make you feel." Harry groans and pulls his bottom lip between his teeth, biting down on it hard. "Let me hear how good I make you feel." Zayn whispers against Harry's cheek and he releases his lip from his teeth to let out his satisfied moans and hot cum shoot between their bodies.

Harry arches his back and Zayn, taking advantage of the space between his skin and the couch slung an arm under him to lift Harry up in his arms so that they were both sitting upright as he continues to fuck him. Harry had one arm on the backrest and the other wrapped around Zayn's shoulders. He felt like that pleasure would soon overtake him and if Zayn let go of him he would crumble into a million little pieces.

"Shit." He breathed out and struggled to get a grip as he now started to ride Zayn a little faster. With Zayn's dick brushing against Harry's prostate again and again and, Harry's sensitive and softening cock being rubbed against their bodies, he grew whiny as everything started to become too much for him.

"Again. Cum again." Zayn pinches his hips, making Harry squirm and Zayn roll his eyes from his own pleasure that he was experiencing. Harry jerks forward before his entire body shakes and Zayn bites into his shoulder as he reaches his own climax.

All that Harry could hear in the moment was his blood rushing around his body.

Zayn runs his hands up and down his back, making sure that he's okay, while he tries to steady his own ragged breathing.

"Oh my God, Zayn." Harry presses his lips to Zayn's shoulders, repeating unclear words.

"Shower?" Zayn suggested with a sated chuckle.

"In a bit. I can't feel my legs that well." Harry said making Zayn laugh. Harry laughed too at what must have been some of the best sex he's ever had. "Happy Valentines Day." Harry pressed his cheek against Zayn's and Zayn hugged him back tightly.

"Happy Valentines Day, Harry."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmao... you guys, whoever's reading this, like i just realised that this is one of my worst books lmao like no one would hate you if you stopped reading because yikes


	33. Chapter 33

"Fuck. It's colder than usual."

"Zayn. We live in the UK." Harry quipped with his signature crooked smirk and teased Zayn with his eyes.

"I said than usual." Zayn fought his own smile that tugged on his lips.

"Come here then." Harry said taking Zayn's hands - which were icy to the touch in his own. He brought them up to his lips to blow his warm breath on them before he could place them against his chest.

Zayn, who was watching Harry heat his hands up, was about to tell him not to worry, just as Harry softly kissed his knuckles.

"Better?" Harry murmured and Zayn nodded.

The pair were sitting in Zayn's car, in the parking lot at Harry's place.

"Thank you." He said and pulled Harry in for one last kiss before he could leave. "Oh, by the way.. the match this weekend?"

"Yea?" Harry sat back in his seat, eyes fixed on Zayn as he watched the joy dance in his eyes.

"My family's coming down to watch and...well...I was going to tell them you know, come out to them."

Bless Zayn's heart. His eyes, voice and smile showed so much happiness yet his knee bounced nervously and the hand that held Harry's had grown clamy and trembled slightly.

"Aw babe, yea?" Harry smiled and leaned forward again.

"Yea.. and with Don wantimg to meet you too, it's a pretty eventful weekend." Zayn said, and coughed out a nervous laugh which made him then bow his head in embarrassment.

"Hey," Harry tilted his head up. "I'm excited for you, for everything. Be excited with me too. I love giddy Zayn." Harry whispered and kissed him, both of them smiling like fools into the kiss. "You're sure right?" Harry asked once they had pulled away. "About the timing?"

"Yea. Yea...I'm gonna do it on Saturday, so after the match and before they head home if things do end up going sour." He answered and pressed his lips together in a tight line.

"Okay." Harry had too, grown serious. "We're all here for you okay. Me, Doniya, Liam, all of us. You'll always have us, Zayn." Harry assured him and gave his knuckles one final kiss which made his smile return.

*

Doniya: so like...you got the tat for him?

Zayn: kind of, for him and me, yea

Doniya: oh

Zayn: what, do you not approve? Lol

Doniya: no, it's not that, I mean it's your body and you've always done whatever you want with it lol..it's just that it's like a big commitment to have

Zayn: well, like I said, he's important to me

Doniya: I'm not saying that things aren't going to work out or jinx anything but like, would you be okay with it on your body if you and Harry break up?

Zayn: yea

Zayn: coz the tattoo will remind me of the memories. They're good memories. He made me happy in those times so yea..I can look at it and remember the good times

Doniya: ☺☺☺☺ as long as there's that then I'm happy for you ❤

Zayn: thanks Don

Zayn: hey I'm super excited to you all of you and mum and dad :)

Ah. There was her baby brother that she missed so much. Soft and vulnerable Zayn, letting his guard down.

Doniya smiled at her phone and quickly typed a reply about how excited she was to watch him play in his upcoming match. Like Harry, she understood just how much soccer meant to Zayn and loved what it did to him.

***

"Hey man."

Zayn stopped lacing up his soccer boots and looked up.

"Oh hey, Niall. What's up, mate?"

"Not much. You ready for the match on Friday?" He asked with excitement rushing through his veins.

He was a likeable character since he was so easy to talk to and get along with. No one could really fault or have a problem with someone like Niall.

"Yea." Zayn answered him. "What about you?" He smiled down at his soccer boots once he stood up.

"Fuck yea!" He bounced on his heels and Zayn chuckled at his infectious enthusiasm. He was just about to tell Niall that he would see him out on the field when Niall continued to speak. "So, nice Valentines Day?" He asked and gave Zayn a crooked smile and nodded his head towards the light hickeys peaking out of his shirt.

"Mm." Zayn wagged his eyebrows and teased before he offered Niall a fist bump on his way out. He stopped when his phone buzzed in his hand. The small smile Niall had put on his face upon mentioning his love bites slowly dropped until it was no more.

Doniya: hey .. so it's just going to be me and Waliyha this weekend

Doniya: mum dad and Saf aren't going to be able to make it. I'm sorry Zee

Zayn's heart dropped upon reading the message. He typed and then retyped and then retyped again.

"Hey, you alright there, mate?" Niall asked.

"Yea I'm fine." Zayn answered him in a much flatter time then just minutes ago.

Zayn: what's their excuse this time?

Zayn: why doesn't Safaa want to come along?

Zayn: you know, never mind. I don't fucking care

Zayn: don't waste a trip by coming down for me. It's fine really.

Zayn was quick to turn his phone on silent and lock it, not wanting to see if it's been read or if he was about to get a reply. He walked past the lockers and shot his hand out to punch one of them which added a small dent to it and, gave Niall a heart attack as he dropped his shoe and looked on in worry as Zayn walked away.


	34. Chapter 34

Harry had his earphones in which blasted 'Starman' by David Bowie as he decided to take the stairs up to the apartment, instead of the elevator, to get his body nice and warm.

He bopped to the beat of the song just as the guitar solo started and he reached his door. Once he opened the door, he was still far too entranced in the music and in his own world to notice that he was unknowingly giving Gemma and Louis a dance performance. It was only when he lifted his head and caught their eyes that he almost had a heart attack and slipped back into the closed door. "Jesus!" He breathed out and took out his earphones before he clumsily wrapped them around his hand and shoved the into his pocket.

"Hey, Beyoncé." Gemma greeted him with amusement thick on her voice.

Louis sat next to her on the couch - not too close (well not anymore), with his arm resting on the backrest. He rubbed his lips with his forefinger and stifled a laugh while he greeted Harry too.

Harry's lips turned down in disgust at the sight of his sister and his horny best friend. - _Ick._ It's not like they were doing anything that would make all of them awkward. Gemma had the new Allure magazine on her lap, reading an article about some new all green diet that she'd probably give a shot just for the hell of it and, Louis was just sitting relaxed beside her side with a foot resting on the edge of their mini coffee table... but they're still so super gross to poor Harry.

"See Zayn put you in a good mood." Louis joked playfully. "Didn't think we'd see you today."

"Yea." He grumbled and went to the fridge, feeling a bit peckish.

"Oh come on, Haz. At least we're not hiding stuff from you anymore." Gemma said and Harry stilled.

He closed the fridge and let out a heavy sigh which Gemma and Louis to look at each other.

"Mate?" Louis called.

"It's not you guys. Well yea - it's weird as hell to see." _And super cliché,_ but Harry wanted that. He wanted to show Zayn off to people and introduce him to friends and family as his boyfriend. Harry's eye caught Louis' arm now draped over Gemma's shoulder, his thumb absent-mindedly stroked it lovingly. If Harry had to admit it, he was jealous of their relationship. He wanted both him and Zayn to be relaxed around everyone and not fly apart if their front door had to be opened, unannounced.

"Aw, Haz." Gemma said sympathetically. "Come here," She outstretched her arm to beckon Harry who had come over and forced himself to sit between the pair with a box of oreos.

"You massive child." Louis said to Harry who had a smug grin to give to his best friend.

***

"CAN YOU PASS THE FUCKING BALL, MALIK?" Shawn screamed from across him.

Unfortunately for both of them, they were put on the same team for this practice match, and although it wasn't the real thing, they had to take it seriously in preparation for their upcoming match.

"HERE, YOU FUCKING PRICK!" Shawn swore, getting tired of Zayn blatantly ignoring him.

Not caring about scoring the goal anymore, Zayn passed the ball to Shawn. Right into his face. He knew good and well what he was about to do as soon as he had Shawn's fave lined up with the ball and didn't care if it was as wrong thing to do.

The force of the ball immediately sent Shawn flat on his back with blood streaming down his nose. The pain quickly wore away once he howled on the ground for a second before he sprung back up and headed straight for Zayn who showed no sign of backing off. If Shawn wanted to talk big, he had better back it up now because Zayn was getting fed up.

"Pretty fucking brave compared to the little fuck you used to be, hmm?" Shawn said, getting right up in Zayn's face and Zayn smiled just to mock him.

"Go fuck yourself. You're not good enough to even be on this field." Zayn spat.

"You little fucking twink-" Shawn didn't get to finish (if he even was) as Zayn just shut him up for good by headbutting, sending him tumbling to the ground for a second time, only this time he did not manage to get up.

"JESUS." Another teammate shouted and pulled Zayn, who was seeing red, away from an unconscious Shawn.

"Malik!" Coach Anderson's gruff voice was just enough to temporarily pull Zayn out of his rage.

"What?!" He snapped, teeth bared and veins protruding.

"Off the field now. You're not playing the match on Friday."

Choruses of 'what' echoed around Zayn. His teammates needed him for this match. It was like the wind had been knocked out of Zayn's chest as soon as his coach told him that he wouldn't be able to play.

"Sort out that temper of yours and whatever the hell is going on between you and Shawn." He said and nodded towards Shawn, who was only just regaining consciousness.

This was all going to shit. The entire weekend had completely fallen apart in a matter of days. Zayn ran his hand through his hair, pulling off his hairband in the process and silently trudged off the field. Right now, he needed a drink - or several to ease his nerves because it was all growing too much for him to handle all at once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm not sure if tw*nk is an offensive slur to anyone??? or at all, but if it is, then i really do apologise for my ignorance and if it offends anyone


	35. Chapter 35

"You know who's back in town?"

"Who?"

"Remember that Shawn Lennard?"

Liam stopped walking along Zayn and turned to face him. His expression not pleased at all. "Yea?"

"Well...he's on the team and I was dumb enough to not take any fucking notice." Zayn kickcked at a pebble and watched it bounce further and further away from him and Liam.

"He say anything?" Liam, who goes into full older brother mode asked and Zayn's throat tightened. He's always been like that with Zayn since he saw that he came from a family surrounded by women. Zayn always followed his dad's lead and felt that he always needed to be the one to take care of and look after everyone and never felt that he was allowed to have his guard down - until Liam came around and offered a shoulder to lean on when it was needed.

"Nah - well he's still a prick. No surprise there ... Just trying to get under my skin like usual, but that's not going to happen. I'm not that person anymore." Zayn lied straight through his teeth about what had happened at the last soccer practice he attended.

Not only was he ashamed of what happened but he also didn't really want to speak about it because it upset him so much.. So, as usual, he bottled things up again. Wind picked up speed around the friends and sent Zayn's untied hair into a frenzy around his face.

He suddenly felt like crying. Just completely breaking down and just giving up on things.

"Hey?"

"Hmm?" Zayn's eyes quickly snapped back to Liam's.

"What's up with you?" Liam frowned.

"I don't know... I think I'm getting the flu or something." Zayn shrugged. "Uh, I'm gonna head home. See ya around, mate."

"...Okay? See you." Liam watched Zayn walk away before he turned on his heel and headed to work.

***

Harry: is it awful that I laughed? 

Harry chuckled at the punny meme he had just sent Zayn

Harry: my sense of humour can't be that bad lol

Harry: zayn where are you? Are you alright?

Harry: is it nerves? Are you nervous for tomorrow?

Zayn stared at his phone and reread the messages over and over again, wanting to tell Harry to just buzz off and leave him alone.

Zayn: I'm not feeling well. I'm not playing in the match. Doctor said I shouldn't

Harry: what do you mean?? What happened?

Zayn: I'm sick

Harry: with? :(

Zayn: like a stomach bug or something

Harry: babe no :( how did that happen?

Zayn: I don't know harry. You're asking so many questions, I just want to sleep.

Harry: oh..I'm sorry. Just wanted to know if you were alright because we normally speak everyday

_Goddamit, Zayn._

Zayn: I know. And I'm sorry. I'm just not feeling right

Harry: do you want me to come over?

Zayn: I don't want you to get sick too

Harry: I'll risk it?

Zayn: it's really fine

Zayn: I'll just sleep it off

Harry: please just talk to me and tell me what's wrong

Zayn: I did?

Harry: you're taking not playing in the match in Friday this well? Either you're not zayn, don't care about soccer anymore or

Harry: ..is it about your parent coming down?

Zayn: oh no :) don't need to worry about that at all :)

Zayn: Doniya told me that they can't make it coz life is so hectic on their side

Harry: zayn, I'm sorry. let me come over, please?

Zayn sat on the edge of his bed and wiped his tears away. He had placed his phone beside him while he got all of his emotions out. His ringtone temporarily halted his tears and he saw Harry's face light up his screen.

"Yea?"

_"I'm sorry ... I'm coming over okay?"_

"Harry, I don't need anyone, okay. Just let me rest and we can hang out this weekend."

 _"Okay, well, I need you right now and can't wait for this weekend...so I'm coming over."_ Harry whispered sadly to Zayn and the pair stayed silent for a while before Harry hung up first and got up to go and grab a jacket and his keys.

*

"Zayn?" Harry knocked on his front door and called out. "Open up! My nipple are going to freeze and fall off - all four of them!"

Zayn opened the door and saw Harry smiling lightly at his own joke. "Hi." He greeted and didn't let Zayn reply since he lurched forward to pull him into a nice warm hug.

Zayn breathed in Harry's scent and let his eyes shut. Slowly he wrapped his arms around Harry's lean frame and pulled him close.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry about your parents and the match." Harry mumbled and pressed his cheek against Zayn's. After Zayn remained silent, Harry pulled away and pressed multiple kisses to his cheek. He soon made his way to his lips and and then to the other cheek.

"Harry," Zayn managed to just get out a chuckle as Harry peppered his face with care. He found himself hugging him again, tighter this time as his lips quivered slightly. Harry let his fingertips dig into Zayn's shoulder and his mouth dropped open.

"Zayn, I love you."


	36. Chapter 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning (?) for mild mentions of bullying

Harry clenched his jaw.

_Shit_   
_Shit_   
_Shit_   
_Shit_

Zayn hadn't said it back. He hadn't said anything actually, he just stood frozen in place, as if he was glued to Harry, whose heart was beating like a drum. He pulled away just far enough so that he could cup Zayn's shocked face.

"I love you. I love you so much, Zayn." He poured his heart out and stroked Zayn's cheeks with his thumbs.

Zayn, who's mouth was slightly hanging open, shook his head slowly before his movements were cut off by Harry's kiss.

He's scared to hear Zayn say anything at the moment.

Their kiss moved from frantic, frazzled and clumsy to a slower pace that showed they were more sure of themselves, and, as if the switch had been turned on in Zayn, he grasped Harry's hips and held onto him as he finally kissed back.

"I love you." Harry whispered in between kisses. He nipped at Zayn's lips, rubbed their noses together and kissed his cheeks. He gripped onto the nape of Zayn's neck and let his other hand lay on Zayn's chest, above his heart. After a few more soft, wet kisses, Harry finally opened his worry filled eyes.

"I got into a fight with a teammate...I fucked up and got myself benched, Harry." Zayn told him and looked at the ground, upset and ashamed.

"Zayn, baby. W-"

"I just... He said some stuff okay. And it's not just anybody! I went to school with him and he's just always been such a fucking prick!" Zayn rushed out his rambles haphazardly. He dropped his hands from Harry's hips and took two steps back. "This guy was one of the ringleaders of kids who would always make fun of me for everything. Shawn, that's his name. He just always made me feel like shit for everything. If I cried; I was a girl, if I told on him; I was weak and pathetic - he just completely got into my head about the lot and now he's back and it's happening again." Zayn could feel his pulse thumping in his ears. "I didn't know it was him until days ago, I was so fucking blind - I just," He squeezed his eyes shut, the words he was desperately grasping for, were unavailable.

"Zayn," Harry's heart ached at hearing about how Zayn was treated. He was only a child, he was innocent, still growing and learning about things and did not deserve what he was put through.

"You know, I was so ashamed to go to a fucking therapist in the first place and when I do," He coughed out a laugh through his tight throat and shook his head. "The fucking arrogant therapist was just like, 'oh so this this and this is what's wrong with you and did you actually know that girls are', what? What the fuck did he say? 'Girls are more susceptible to borderline personality disorder' like, so what the fucking hell should I do? He just fucking took me back to my shit time in school and I'm so fucking sick of it!" Zayn yelled the last part and in a fit of rage, punched a hope in his wall.

"ZAYN!" Harry yelled and ran towards him, totally take aback by Zayn's anger.

"Get off!" Zayn shrugged him off. His breathing now shaky. "You should go." He said to Harry and covered his eyes with his hand.

"Zayn, no. I'm worried.. I don't like seeing you like this."

He hadn't dealt with his past properly and Harry could see that, and now with everything piling up on his shoulders, it was just too much for his mind to handle.

"What do you want then, Harry? There's nothing you can do. This is all my shit that I have to deal with and sort out. You're just," Zayn struggled for the word. "There."

"You're just saying that." Harry whispered and slowly and, tentatively walked towards Zayn. He let his fingertips be the first thing to touch Zayn's hand and when Zayn didn't move away, he allowed himself to gently grab and hold onto his hand. "I'm with you, Zayn. I'm here. I promised you that." He cupped his face and tried to turn it to make him look at him bit Zayn would not budge his rigid jaw and neck.

"What about a bath?" Harry proposed the idea. He decided to drop everything and try to get Zayn to relax and calm down before he really hurt himself. Zayn frowned. Not expecting that, but rather twenty questions from Harry. "Sound good?" Harry grabbed his other hand so that he now held both of them. "We can just relax and talk about other things like, what's your favourite dog?"

"You think I like dogs?" Zayn asked glumly.

Harry's eyes went wide. "Yea, everyone loves dogs. Nice try though." He laughed.

"Those," Harry pulled Zayn towards his bathroom as he told Harry about his favourite breed of dog. "big fluffy ones from China or wherever. They have this curled up tail." The anger had fallen from Zayn's voice which made him now sound more.. empty.

"Chow Chows?" Harry smiled and peered over his shoulder.

"Yea. Those..." Zayn smiled then let it fall again. "We had one as a kid..."

Harry nodded and began to fill up the bathtub with bubble bath and water. "Boy or girl?"

"Girl. Sheeba." Zayn remembered his childhood pet.

"You know I had a hamster and it always bit me." He quickly recounted his own childhood pet. "One day it bit Gemma's cheek." He couldn't help the laughs that spilt from his lips. "It was scary but funny because I warned her about the damn thing but she called me a peanut brain and decided to cuddle it anyway."

The soft smile was back on Zayn's face. After Harry's laughter died down he saw that the tub was filled to the right level and closed the open taps. He turned around and bit his lip thoughtfully. "Come on, get your kit off." He said to Zayn and lifted his shirt over his head which led to both of them undressing each other before they both got into the warm soothing water.


	37. Chapter 37

Harry and Zayn must have spent well over an hour in the tub, just laying together, watching their skin begin to adapt to the water and start to wrinkle up. Unfortunately they had both forgotten to grab some towels from Zayn's cupboard before getting in and Harry had only just realised that. Zayn had his head resting on Harry's chest, looking up at his pastel light green bathroom ceiling.

"Zayn," Harry whispered, as if he had fallen asleep. "Let me go get some towels." He gently pushed at Zayn's shoulders so that he moved forward a bit and off of Harry.

Once Harry had left him alone, Zayn felt...numb. For the first time he had felt unhappy with Harry around - it wasn't his fault. Harry was doing everything in his will to try and make him feel better. He was still his sweet, caring and patient self, but it just felt like nothing to Zayn today. He slid down the tub, eyes still fixed on the ceiling as he submerged himself under water.

The 'sloshing' sound of water had finally turned off all of Zayn's thoughts until his mind finally went as empty as he currently felt. He held his breath and let the back of his head touch the bottom of the tub. The foam of the bubble bath had all dissolved and left the water slightly murky, yet still just transparent enough so that Zayn could stare up at this distorted, wavy ceiling.

Harry in the meantime had found not only the towels he went looking for, but a bottle of whiskey on Zayn's side table, and it was only a quater of the way full. His dissatisfied eye stayed fixed on it, as if it would vanish into thin air if he stared hard enough.

"Thanks." Zayn startled him when he spoke and pulled the spare towel from his hand, first using it to wipe his face and dry his hair before he wrapped it around his waist.

"Did you drink all of that?" Harry asked and nodded his head towards the bottle.

"Huh? Oh. Yea. You can have some if you want -"

"I don't damn want any." Harry said rather sternly. "You should throw it out."

"I paid for it. So I'll drink it." Zayn said simply while pulling out an old tracksuit and some underwear so he could get dressed.

Harry shook his head and decided to let Zayn's drinking habits go for now. "Why don't you just go and talk to your coach and explain to him what happened -"

"He's not you. He doesn't care about what happened before, he cares that I lost my shit and hurt another one of my teammates." Once Zayn had pulled his hoodie over his head he felt like he had a decision to make. "What if you and I just aren't meant to be?"

Harry was half way done with pulling his shirt over his head when all of his muscles tensed up. "All because of one scuffle?"

"All because of shit that's been going wrong." Zayn said softly and went to sit on the edge of his bed, nearer to where Harry stood. "It just feels it's not going to happen."

"I have been so patient with you." Harry said and dropped to his knees so that he was in front of Zayn. "I understand that this whole thing is hard and you're struggling to deal with it, but I'm asking you not to push me away Zayn. This whole thing is what you make out of it - not, the universe or small signs that are saying that we shouldn't be together."

"...Maybe we just need some space apart for awhile."

"And what good would that do, hm? Tell me." Harry ran his hand through Zayn's damp hair.

"I don't know, Harry, just to figure all of this out and get it all back to normal. I'm not saying that this is because of you. It's me, and I know that it sounds cliché, but I need to work on myself and just..." Zayn shook his head, lost for words at the moment.

Did Zayn not hear Harry when he said that he loved him? Was that it?

Harry was lost for words himself. He got up from his crouched position and sat next to Zayn on the bed. "Why won't you let me love you, Zayn?" He asked just barely above a whisper. His eyes glued to the white bedsheet. Making patterns out of the creases beneath his body.

Zayn shook his head and Harry saw it from his peripheral vision. "That's not really answering my question." He said more to himself than to Zayn, and at that moment, all Zayn wanted to do was get up and leave - but he also wanted to stay with Harry, give into him.. let him be loved and love in return.

"I just .... can't." Zayn said in a tone that matched Harry's. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be." Harry whispered and finally looked at Zayn again.

It hurt him. But he wouldn't stop trying to show Zayn the love that he felt from and for him, whether he would accept it or not, Harry wouldn't give up.

Suddenly Zayn thought he knew the answer to what was happening.

 _But how could someone as beautiful, as gentle, as compassionate as Harry, ever love someone like me? How could someone so perfect love me? How could anyone love me when I can't even love myself. I'm no good for him. He deserves someone better in life. He's probably GOING to find someone else anyway and leave you in the end..so, why not let him? Why drag him down into the dirt with you?_  
_What's easier to do than to love? Something you know all too well? Hate. Hate him. Push him away. Make him hate you and you'll be free, Zayn._

"You should go...before it gets late."

Harry turned to look at Zayn. His face hard and unreadable.

"Please. I just want to be alone for awhile."


	38. Chapter 38

"Man, Zayn really fucked up at practice." Niall said said as he picked up his slice of pizza.

"What do you mean?" Liam frowned and Niall moved the cheesy goodness away from his mouth again so that he could speak.

"Got into it with a mate, Shawn -"

"What?" Liam's eyes narrowed at the revelation. "Shit." Liam immediately got out his phone and texted Zayn.

***

Zayn hadn't listened to Harry and gone to coach Anderson to speak to him about what had happened between him and Shawn. Match day came and went, Doniya visited her rather dull and lifeless brother - alone. She had told Waliyha that he wasn't in the best head space right now, and their younger sister hadn't given it a second question. So, Doniya had left again, and now; now it was almost the end of February.

Zayn's face looked sunken. He had dark circles under his eyes, dry skin and greasy hair. Not only was his normally pristine appearance off, but so was his personality, and everyone started to notice.

Harry worried about him but was glad that he made the effort to reply to just some of his messages when he had asked him if he was well or if he needed anything.

*

"...Hey mate...you okay?" Niall asked Zayn as he took off his soccer boots.

"Yea. I'm fine." Zayn lied. His playing was off, he wouldn't communicate to his teammates - he just didn't put in a hundred percent like he always would and now coach Anderson was wondering if perhaps he had made a mistake by scouting Zayn.

"You've been so...distant lately..you sure you're alright?"

"Niall, I said I'm fine. I've just been really tired and out of it lately, okay?" He said in a flat voice.

Niall nodded and was about to let it go but suddenly remembered something and moved a little closer to Zayn. "Is this about Harry? Because when I went through my breakup with ....."

Time froze for Zayn as soon as he had heard Harry's name.

Zayn's hand was around Niall's throat in an instance. "What did you say?" He asked and shoved him into the nearest locker he could find.

"Wait, I was just -" Niall struggled against Zayn's vice grip. "I thought you and Harry were together -"

"And how the fuck did you come to that conclusion?"

Niall squeezed his eyes shut and tried to pry Zayn's hand off of him but was no match for his brute strength at the moment.

"I saw you guys outside the pub one night..."

Zayn's angry features slowly turned to worry and shock.

"...and you guys kissed - I just saw you and Harry hang out a lot, I'm sorr-"

"Did you fucking tell anyone?" Zayn asked in a dangerous, heated whisper.

"I mean, the only person I told was Shawn. But he's your friend and he said he worried -"

"What friend?!"

"He said that he went to school with you when you guys were little! Zayn I didn't know, I'm sorry!"

Shawn had gone on lying about being a worried friend of Zayn's and gotten information about him to use against him. He had taken advantage of Niall's caring manner and played him like a damn fiddle.

"We're all just worried about you, Zee." Niall said not knowing that the only person Shawn cared about was himself. Zayn wanted to lash out, but he told himself to stop and think.

"What else did you tell him?" He asked and smoothed his hair back with both of his hands.

"That he's always been worried because of stuff you went through..."

"We've never gotten along, Niall. He put me through hell."

"Zayn..I'm so sorry, I didn't know. I -" Niall furrowed his brows and said.

"You were just trying to help. I get it. But I wish you didn't." Zayn said shaking his head.

*

"You know, it all makes sense now why your scrawny ass left such a fit bird like GiGi." Zayn heard an all too familiar voice from behind him as he made his way to his car in the parking lot.

Oh God, Niall. You really did tell him a lot.

"What the fuck do you want with me, you fucking prick?!" Zayn spun around to face Shawn.

"I don't want you and your little fucking...'thing' you have going on with some guy to fuck up our team and have all of us be the laughing stock of the academy!"

"Not that it's any of your damn business but you have nothing to worry about because nothing is going on with me and anyone." Shawn stepped forward, ready for Zayn if he had to try anything this time and stood his ground, making no attempt to hide his homophobia. "All you need to worry about is your stroke of luck that got you on this damn team. Now stay out of my business and stay out of my way or so help me God, I will make your life a living hell."

"Physical assault already got you a warning, Zayn, so you had better be _very_ careful with what you say to me." Shawn said arrogantly and stared at Zayn who fought with all of his might not to send a flying right hand right into Shawn's jaw. Instead, he promptly turned on his heel and made his way to his car like he did before his attention was caught. He needs to focus on himself and get back to what he was because that's what drove him to he the greatest and that's what made him the best. He knew what he needed to do and before he could start his car, sent an important message.

Zayn: Can we patch things up? Call me.


	39. Chapter 39

Harry's graduation was one of the things had too, come and gone - much like Zayn in his life. He had sent numerous messages, reminding him of the day and then a few more on his big day. Three people were ahead of Harry as he waited for his name to be called. He scanned the large audience to try and see if he could find Zayn. He saw many of his friends' parents, boyfriends, girlfriends - even caught his own family.

But no Zayn.

Gemma could see the hurt in her brother's eyes but forced the smile to stay on her face for encouragement. She blew him a kiss right before his name could be announced and gave him a thumbs up as he walked up the ramp and towards the stage. Harry offered Gemma a gracious smile and got on with things as he made his way to accept his degree.

***

"Couldn't stay away, hmm?"

Zayn looked down at his scuffed up trainers. "No."

"It's okay, baby. Come here." GiGi cooed and wrapped her arms around Zayn's neck. His own arms wrapped themselves around her slender waist but he still found himself paying more attention to his shoes.

"Hey," She tilted his chin up and stared into his hazel eyes. The look she gave Zayn scared him because it was as if she could read his thoughts. "It's okay." She said softly and stroked his cheekbone with her thumb. "Everything's going to be okay now that we're back together. You're gonna sort yourself out and be the best again, okay?"

"I just ...."

"Shh. Stop, Zayn, it's okay. I get it. You're sorry, it's okay though. You don't need to worry because you've got me back." GiGi pressed her soft lips to Zayn and he willed his brain to enjoy it - it was a nice kiss, and it felt nice to be touched like this after a while..but no matter how hard he tried he just couldn't. "I love you." She said once she pulled away and pressed her forehead against his.

".. I love you too." He whispered and smiled a bit.

***

The sound of waves creeping up to the shore, so close to touching Harry's bare feet, set his mind at ease. All he can focus on is the white foam, how the bubbles disappear just as fast as they appear.

He picks his head up and looks out into the water. Zayn's there, standing waist deep in the ocean. "Harry!" He beams as soon as he spots Harry and yells over mother nature's sounds of water and seagulls. Harry squints and waves at him, watching him trot out of the water. "Hi! You came." Zayn says, the smile refusing to leave his face. He still sounds so far away even though he's standing right in front of him.

Harry's just about to say something but Zayn cuts him off by giving him a tight hug. The saltwater on his body immediately soaks through Harry's white cotton shirt. Zayn's so cold to touch, almost freezing, but he doesn't look it one bit.

The contrasting sensations of the hot sun beating down on his back and Zayn's cold body against his front has him feeling odd and he wants to let go of Zayn so that he can face the sun.

"You came." Zayn repeats himself, and this time, it's the only thing that Harry hears.

_**Wake up.** _

Harry forced his eyes to shoot open. He's lying on his side, facing his window. Dammit he's forgotten to close the curtains again and it looks like their neighbours are throwing one hell of a party judging from the neon green and pink lights that dance on his wooden floor, lighting up the small section of his dark room.

Harry can hear ringing in his ears. He doesn't know if he's hearing music, random bird calls or having auditory hallucinations. He turns on his back and that's when the shrill sound of someone's car alarm pierces his ears and really startles him, making his heart jump. Now he's fully awake but trying to convince himself to just shut his eyes and he'll be back to sleep in no time.

_Sleep, Harry. It's probably super late._

He wanted to check the time but that would just give him an excuse to look at one of Zayn's social media accounts or text him, and he wants to do none of that because he's still hurt over the fact that not only had Zayn not showed up to his graduation, but he hasn't been returning his messages or calls.

All Harry wants to do is have a good cry and talk about what's on his mind, but he's been doing that a lot lately and he feels that both Gemma and Louis are probably sick of hearing about him go on and on about Zayn.

I wonder if Lou's awake...maybe I could bribe him with some coffee and kahlúa ...but then Gemma could be here and ugh I don't need to see that in my life, thanks.

He's heard the constant sounds of Gemma either sneaking out or, Louis sneaking in after being at her place.

_The love sick twits. It's sickening, honestly. I should just go to whatever damn party is happening._

But he doesn't. Instead he stays in the same position, staring at the mesmerising night lights. Harry's always been so busy taking care of other people and worrying about them, if they're okay, if they're happy and satisfied that he's neglected and forgotten how to care for himself and that's what he wants right now. Somebody to love him and tell him that he's been doing a good job so far and that everything is going to be okay in the end.


	40. Chapter 40

Harry was sitting on the bonnet/hood of his car right outside Zayn's apartment building in full view for everyone to see. His leg bounced nervously as he waited for Zayn to finally show up. Minutes later, he had driven right past Harry, not registering whose car that was until he drove past and slammed on the brakes. He parked his car haphazardly in whatever free space he found and got out of it, slamming the door.

Harry tilted his head up, just enough to look at Zayn who was power walking towards him.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" Zayn asked him. There was no malice or anger in his voice, but he was on edge.

"Oh, you know who I am? Nice. Good."

"Excuse me?" Zayn placed his hands on his hips while Harry stayed in place on his car, his hands balled up in fists in his jacket pockets.

"What is it then? Forgot how to use a phone? Schedule too busy? Because I thought you took a soccer ball to the fucking head and got amnesia."

"Christ sake, Harry -"

"No, Zayn! Don't fucking try. Are you just cutting me out of your life like this?! Literally acting like you don't know who I am? Huh?!"

"Lower your voi-"

"FUCK IF I WILL." Harry jumped off the car and stood opposite Zayn. "WHAT?! Scared that someone will find out about us?" He yelled and threw his arms up.

Right now passerby's didn't care too much about Zayn and Harry's argument and, Harry had not been vindictive enough to even think about outing him like that, but he was mad. He was furious.

"I don't have time, Harry. You're acting a fool."

Harry laughed at that. "Oh, yea. Sure I am."

"You know what, it's good." Zayn frowned.

"Is it??" Harry asked, faux excited.

"Yea. It's nice to actually see you get some other kind of emotion up in you other than -"

"Up IN ME? UP IN ME?? You fuck, you were in my veins!" Harry walked around in a small circle, trying to get back to his cool and calm self. "The last time we had spoken properly, you said that you wanted to be alone for awhile. Is it still awhile?"

Zayn shrugged which angered Harry even more.

"You don't know? Okay. Was it me saying 'I love you', huh? Did it scare you on top of everything else that was going on? I'm not sorry for it. It's the truth and it still is." And that's why Harry was so upset. Zayn had shut him out in the cold like an old dog that no longer performed tricks or was seen as adorable, yet Harry's heart still had a massive place reserved just for Zayn in it. He wanted to hate him but he just couldn't.

"... I've just...moved on already ...I'm sorry, mate."

**Mate.**

Harry stood, a bit dumbfounded.

"Gi and I patched things up again so,"

"What?" Harry took a step back from Zayn.

"... We're going out tonight so ...I better go and get ready. Uhm, good luck with everything, yea?"

Harry couldn't speak. He couldn't understand. He just stood there as Zayn slowly backed away.

"Fuck you!" Harry said to no one in particular because by the time he had snapped out of his daze, Zayn had hopped back into his car and driven to the underground parking.

*

Zayn watched the water glide off of his body. He had been doing so for about the past half hour -

Half hour, shit.

His date.

"Uhm, hey, sorry, I'm coming. I - promise." Zayn spoke into his phone and tried to simultaneously dry and dress himself. "I'm nearly done, okay? Don't leave. Sorry, babe."

*

Thankfully, GiGi was not upset, even better for Zayn. He gazed at her from across the table and bit his lip anxiously. He her lips move but did not hear a word of what she was saying. "Marry me?" He blurted and GiGi stopped, her eyes wide with confusion.

"Wha-"

"Marry me." Zayn repeated and she leaped out of her chair, pulling on his hand so that he stood too.

"Yes! Yesyesyes, a million times yes!"

***

"He called me 'mate'. Mate. Like a fucking lad. Like what we had was nothing...and he just went back to ex so fast..."

"Oh God, Hazza. Look, I'm sorry." Gemma got up and went over to where Harry was sitting to give him a comforting cuddle. "Listen, I know it sucks..and it's going to hurt for a while..but you're going to meet other people, thus isn't the end of things."

Harry bit his lip and stared off into space. Gemma was about to ask him if he had heard a word that she had said but he took in a breath and was about to speak.

"You think that tattoo he got was like..a jinx? It jinxed our relationship? ... I mean I though that he was okay with everything and I ... I thought I helped him out ..?"

"It's not like he got your name on him, babe... And it's not like you were meant to fix him, Haz. Only he knows how to help himself."

"Might as well have. Was in my handwriting..he just traced over it." Harry said and chose to nit reply to the second half of the sentence.

Gemma looked at her brother with strained features. There's no way she, or anyone would get through to him about Zayn right now.. But she could try and make him feel better the best way she knew how, so she got out her phone and called someone. "Sarah? Hi, listen, my brother is coming in tomorrow -"

Harry's head shot towards her. "What are you doing, stop it!" Harry whispered furiously but Gemma stuck out her long leg to shove him away from her.

"For a full day with you guys, whatever he wants. Yes, just put it all on my name. Alright. Harry, yea, that's it. Okay, cheers!"

"I can't believe you." Harry fussed like a child.

"Oh shut up. A nice spa day will do you some good."

"This is bullshit."

***

_This is heaven._

Harry laid on his stomach in the warm spa room currently getting a full body Swedish massage. Gemma was so right about this. This is what he needed, seeing as he had never had a massage before. When his masseuse got to his feet, pressing on his sole, his body betrayed him and let out a loud laugh."Oh God, I'm so sorry." He said lifting his head up from the hole in the table.

The woman smiled and shook her head reassuringly. "It's alright to laugh."

Harry smiled to himself and put his head back down, she was right. It _was_ alright to laugh.


	41. Chapter 41

_Three months later_

Zayn trained harder than he ever had before, to get into the best shape he had ever been in and it certainly was not going unnoticed.

"Zee?" Niall jogged up to Zayn after a particularly rough practice. He panted and took a deep breath as soon as he had caught up to Zayn, but he wasn't in the mood so Niall had to, again, jog up to him. "Hey, really good game. You're kicking our arses out there."

"Thanks." Zayn kept his eyes forward and took a long gulp of water from his bottle.

"Hey, I -"

"I told you not to worry about or speak about it ever again. Drop it."

"Zayn, I am sorry. I just want you to know that I still care and hope that we're still friends."

"We're still friends." Zayn said, but said it as if for the sake of shutting Niall up. "See you tomorrow."

"I -" Niall was about to apologise yet again but Zayn stopped him.

"Stop! Listen, we.are.fine." Zayn said gripping onto his duffel bag strap for dear life.

Niall's nervous eye darted everywhere but Zayn's face and landed on his clenched hand that was close to his chest. "You're getting married? Holy shit, congratulations. When?"

Zayn's nostrils flared in anger and confusion until he realised that Niall had spotted his gold band.

"In a couple of weeks."

"To uhm..to -"

"To GiGi, yes." Zayn tried not to snap at him. "So there's your official invite, wouldn't invite you just for the sake of it. Right?"

"...Right, yea. Right. Alright, uhm, congrats again." He said awkwardly and scratched the back of his head. "I'll see you around, then."

This entire situation concerning the 'love triangle' was a complete mess and mostly everyone close to Zayn and Harry could see that but couldn't say anything about it, so instead they trudged around them on eggshells letting whatever was going to happen, happen.

"Malik!" Zayn rolled his eyes when he heard someone call his name from behind him.

_Dammit I just want to go home._

"Yea coach?" He turned around.

"Scouts have been watching you lately,"

_Fuck._

"Specifically from Manchester United."

Zayn almost dropped his bag.

"Now, you almost blew your shot with that little stunt you pulled, but for some odd reason they persisted and kept eyes on you.. And you've done well, improved on your attitude as well as your skills. Now, you know it's not easy to get a spot on their academy, but they want to offer you a trial run and see how it goes."

This time, Zayn did drop his bag. His hands went to rest on his head in disbelief. "Are you having a laugh?"

"Does it look like it, lad?" Coach Anderson laughed and gave him a rather firm pat on the back. "Do not mess this up for yourself, Zayn. You're brilliant. It's what you've wanted now go and prove your worth to them, okay?"

"I promise I will - I mean," Zayn pinched the bridge of his nose. "Show them my worth, not blow the shot -" Zayn rambled and picked up his bag. "Thank you. Thanks coach." He must have said 'thanks' about a millions times before coach Anderson practically had to walk him to his car and shove him in it.

This is it. What he longed for since he was young and it was suddenly right in arms reach.

***

"I think I'm going to move out."

Louis was busy sitting on the lounge floor scribbling down some points for his thesis when Harry spoke. His pen jerked awkwardly making him mess up the last word in the sentence once Harry spoke. "Why?" He asked and looked up to Harry who was on the couch.

"Think I should just start fresh with everything." Plus there were a lot of memories here. He swears that he could still smell Zayn on his sheets no matter how many times he had washed them, could still see him gazing out of his window at the cars passing by below them. There was just too much Zayn and not enough of himself. "Look at it this way, Gemma could either move in, you go move in with her? Whatever you guys want." Harry shrugged.

"I don't want that yet. I'm happy with the way things are you know? ... Don't wanna rush it or anything." Louis said and pulled a displeased face.

"Well don't go making your face like that." Harry laughed at him. "Think you don't like her anymore."

"No, no. It's not that. I do." He clicked his pen. "...I'll probably just get a smaller place."

"Lou, I'm sorry -"

"It's alright, Haz. There's nothing to be sorry about. It's not like we would've been roommates for life anyway." He said with a crooked smile. "Besides I understand it must be hard with...you know who and stuff..so yea."

"Yea. You can say his name you know, it's alright." Harry pouted slightly and smiled showing that he was okay with it.

Neither of them had said that this was a breakup, but just like they knew they had entered a relationship with each other without declaring it one, both Zayn and Harry knew that whatever they had had come to its untimely end.

"You know," Louis pulled his knees up to his chest. "I should have hit him harder."

That made Harry smile and then mock glare at Louis. "No Lou. You know how I feel about violence."

"Have you looked around for a new place yet?" Louis asked.

"Kind off.. Uhm, remember I told you about that prep school that said they'd get back to me on the position? Well, they called and looks like I'm going to be their new school counsellor."

"Aw, mate. That's great! Congrats, man."

"Thanks." Harry chuckled. "So yea, I'll look for a place closer to the school and see how everything goes."

"Well, I hope. When do you start?"

"In two months."

"Well, you know that you can stay here for as long as you need."

"Thanks, Lou. I know."

But he wouldn't. Harry searched high and low for a one bedroom apartment that he could afford and when he finally found one, he jumped at the opportunity to take it and had moved out of his shared apartment with Louis in under a month.

_This is good. More time to focus on you. Just you. Be selfish for once, Harry, because sometimes that's what you need to do just for a short while._


	42. Chapter 42

"Are you sure, Zayn?" Liam asked Zayn as he did up his bow tie for him.

"Are you sure you haven't asked that question enough already?" Zayn quipped but Liam ignored him and pressed his lips together in a tight line which showed his annoyance with his best friend.

"Just saying. Haven't been engaged for that long."

"But I've known her a long time, Liam."

"You're -"

"Zayn," Zayn's father walked into their room with a wide smile on his face. "I am so proud of you, son." Liam took a step back once he made sure Zayn looked like a solid ten.

"Thanks, dad." Zayn smiled to his father who cupped his face and pressed a loving and proud kiss to his forehead.

"I'll leave you guys alone -"

"Nonsense, Liam! You're family, stay." Zayn's dad, who seemed to be the only one who truly looked genuinely excited for this wedding said. "I've just been to see GiGi and she looks stunning - bit of a nervous wreck but it'll all be fine." He said with a light chuckle and dusted some fluff off of Zayn's shoulder.

Zayn nodded and took in a deep breath before he turned to face the full length mirror to take in his appearance. "Okay, let's do this then." He straightened his bow tie one last time and gave his father and best man each, a look before he led the way the the alter.

There was no time stopping moment once he saw his future wife at the beginning of the aisle, and if she was honest, GiGi didn't feel anything once she saw Zayn either. No tears, no butterflies, no fireworks.

"You look beautiful." Zayn said to her as soon as they had joined hands at the altar. With that, he was being completely honest. GiGi looked beautiful, like an angel really.

Zayn could feel her hands trembling ever so slightly in his and, for the first time in his life, saw that she was really nervous. Doniya, who was one of the bridesmaids wouldn't look at Zayn. She wouldn't look at anyone really and kept her eyes fixed on the small bouquet of flowers that she held in her hands.

It looked like the fairytale wedding that almost every little girl would dream about for years and years to come. Flowers littered the hall, soft hues of pinks and creams set the tone perfectly and fit well with the theme of love and happiness, a picturesque bride and groom with the perfect white lace dress and pristine tuxedo. But at what cost would the aesthetics pay off without a happy heart or mind?

"Do you take Zayn to be your husband?" The old priest had asked with such a kind-hearted and, genuine smile.

GiGi smiled at Zayn and nodded. "Yes, I do."

Zayn felt like he had just swallowed a cup of boiling water. His entire throat and chest ablaze.

This was it.

***

_Two years later,/em >_

_Zayn Malik._

_Mention the name around any die hard soccer fan and they'll tell you that he's the one to watch at the moment. One of Manchester United's most treasured, youngest players that's showing the world that he's here for a reason._

__"If he's this good now and he's only in his twenties, imagine how great he'll be in a few years?"_ _

__"I just really want to see him at the FIFA World Cup. I think he'll do us all so proud."_ _

__"My little sister loves him - and soccer - so much. He's been such an inspiration to her. He's great. A great role model."_ _

_He was surrounded by everything that millions of people wished they had; money, a beautiful wife who loved him, a luxurious car and home - yes it was nice. Very nice. He was comfortable with his materialistic things. But the thing was, he couldn't really forget about a person like Harry, even if he had gone for lengths of time with not seeing or hearing about him. His personality and charisma got Zayn right from the minute he had met him. It sparked an interest in him which in turn made him yearn for Harry more and more._

_So, two years later, Zayn found himself in the prime of his life and career - or at least, that's what he'd always tell himself when unexplained bouts of depression wild randomly hit him - whether it was when he quickly popped into the shop to buy some milk or went to the cinema to watch the movie he'd been itching to see._

_"Zayn." GiGi walked towards him. Her new, gold, Louboutin's echoed throughout the passage and soon the lounge as she neared Zayn._

_He hadn't reply to her with words but simply leaned forward on the couch and looked up at her only to be met with a pregnancy stick that she held in her outstretched hand._

_A frown formed on Zayn's face as he took the stick, looked at it and saw that the two vertical lines signified a positive pregnancy result._

_"I'm pregnant." GiGi told him as she handed him the box that it had come in, so that he could see the truth for himself. He felt mixed emotions in that moment. He was excited and scared. A child - his child._

_Finally he looked up at GiGi's solemn expression and stood up. "Are you happy?" What an odd thing he found himself asking in a soft voice._

_"I don't know. It's not like we had planned this... I don't know if I'm ready. Are you?" She answered and, asked him honestly._

_"... Yea, I guess."_

_Their dialogue could not have been more awkward for an onlooker to watch. Tension was thick all around them - not just now, but all the time, tension just followed them everywhere and right now, it had become extremely heightened._

_"I think that we need this. For us, for this," 'This' being their broken and dead marriage. GiGi awkwardly held at his free hand and Zayn looked at the tiny confirmation stick._

_He needed a drink to steady his nerves. He was going to be a father and he didn't know how to process that. A million thoughts and questions flashed through his mind._

___How am I going to cope?_  
_What exactly do I have to do?_  
_Can I even do this?_  
_I've never even changed a diaper before._  
_How do you find a good enough nanny around here?_  
_Will I be a good father?_

_He drowned all of that out with some whiskey and quickly poured himself another glass which he chose to slowly sip on. Once the alcohol slowly started to have its calming affect on Zayn that he so greatly desired, he found his thought pattern changing._

__Maybe this will bring us closer. This is what I needed, a genuine happy family._  
_Maybe I will be a good father._ _


	43. Chapter 43

As Zayn had moved on with his life, it was only natural and normal that Harry would too. Work was great - he had really gotten into the swing of things at the primary school. He loved the kids and they loved him, and, he loved his job even more. He loved helping these kids realise their potential, their worth and, to overcome their struggles.

"Harry, love, why don't you come and spend the weekend here?" His mum asked over the phone.

"Uhm, I might pop in for a while later, mum. No promises."

"Alright, well, Gem's home as well so I thought that it could have been a nice family weekend -"

"Please can you not put me on a guilt trip," Harry took off his glasses and massaged under his eyes. "Not right now, I've got a lot on my plate."

"I'm not! Just putting it out there, Harry." She chuckled.

"Alright, yea. I've got a date -"

"OH! -"

"So I'll try and come visit tomorrow."

"No worries my angel, you enjoy yourself!"

Harry laughed to himself at how quickly his mother's attitude had changed once she heard the word 'date'. "Alright, love you. Bye."

Unfortunately, he hadn't found much luck in his personal life as he had in his professional one. Sure, he had been on a few blind dates and they were... interesting. Most of the guys wanted nothing more then to just go straight to sex - especially once they had found out that someone like Harry was their date. Poor Harry on the other hand wanted something serious (not that he would mind a quick romp once in a while).

The next morning he tried to force his dry and heavy lidded eyes to open to try and figure out where he was. Last night he was more reckless than usual and went home with a guy whose name he didn't even manage to get.

Blinking a few times was of no help, so he forced out a yawn to get some tears in his eyes and, once his vision was back to normal he noticed the heavily tattooed arm bent at an awkward angle on his stomach. "Fuck." Harry whispered and gently picked up the possessive hand to place gently on the bed.

"It was a good one." Harry's mystery man slurred once Harry thought that he was home safe and would silently sneak out of bed.

He quickly grabbed his underwear to cover himself up and grinned awkwardly. "Sorry. Uhm, I'm Harry."

"Jesse." The man rubbed his face and moved from his stomach to his side so that he could now face a very frazzled Harry. "And don't be." He grinned tiredly.

"I should go." Harry said and looked around for his clothes and shoes.

"Wait! Wait, you really don't have to." Jesse quickly sat up then, tried to play it cool. "I mean...it's only, uh...it's only eight...and a Sunday so.. you know,"

Translation: let's stay and fuck a few more times.

Well, that's what Harry made out of it anyways - honestly, why not? Jesse was absolutely gorgeous. His tan, flawless skin, sharp bone structure and, impeccable physique sealed the deal and Harry let his t-shirt fall from his hands before he could crawl back on his hands and knees onto the bed.

_23:25_

After an eventful day, Harry had decided that he would in fact go home to spend at least the Sunday with his family.

As he snuck into the house, he reminisced of his high school days, how him and Gemma would hide the spare front door key somewhere - either under the potplant or in the long abandoned birdhouse.

Harry softly shut the door and released the handle inch by inch so as to not disturb the still of the night, but someone was already awake and made themselves known to Harry. He heard desperate - almost confused cries come from the kitchen.

"...Gem?" Harry spoke softly once he recognised the voice. Her thin frame was slightly hunched over the sink. Moonlight filtered through the window to shed light on half of her tear stained face. Gemma spoke to someone in a furious and hushed tone which was far too quick for Harry to understand but he did pick up one word. 'Louis'.

Gemma turned slightly and let out another strangled sob once her eyes landed in him as she tried to suppress her emotions so that she wouldn't wake up her mum and Robin. "I'll call you tomorrow." She said and cut the call with no 'goodbye'.

"That bastard." Harry mumbled under his breath and cursed Louis' name to hell and back. He turned on the light and gingerly walked to Gemma. "Gem, I'm sorry." He said and pulled her into his chest - only to have her push him away.

"No. No, it's not that." She said in a shaky breath and dismissed Harry's thoughts that the couple had broken up.

"What? What on earth's happened then." Harry frowned deeply. "I heard you say his name."

"Uh -" She stared at the floor and stuck out her hand half-heartedly as if trying to grasp the words in front of her. "I'm pregnant." She barely whispered before fresh tears burned her eyes and spilled over onto her cheeks.

"Wh- are you sure?" Harry was so shocked his tone had dropped to Gemma's almost mute level.

She nodded and cupped her hands over her mouth to stifle yet another sob. "Oh God, Harry, you can't tell Louis, you can't!" She spoke quickly and clutched at his red sweater.

"Gemma -"

"I, I can't lose him. I don't -"

"Gemma. Please. Just stop and think. Okay, it's fine, it's Louis.... and if you don't, I will. He's my best friend."

"I know that, Harry, but I just don't think that I -"

"So what? Are you going to get rid of it, Gemma, not -"

"I'm scared, Harry! I'm not ready for any of this! I don't know how to be a mother!"

"Oh my God." Harry ran a hand through his silky hair. "You have to tell Louis, Gemma. Now. He has a right to know."

Gemma knew that he was right but the shock of finding out and confirming her fears of indeed being pregnant had gotten the best of her. She had stopped crying now. The tip of her nose and eyes matched Harry's red clothing.

"Come here, Gem." He said and pulled her into his arms.

The siblings both stayed silent for a while until Gemma pulled away slightly. "That's not your cologne."

"I see your super pregnancy powers have already kicked in." Harry joked, causing Gemma to shove him away and lean against the sink.

"Piss off." She huffed and sighed. "I just wanna go back to how things were, like when we were bloody idiots sneaking in after midnight." She laughed and said, as if reading Harry's earlier thoughts.

He laughed and made a grab for her hand. "It's going to be fine, Gem. I'll be with you all the way, alright? I promise."


	44. Chapter 44

After the first month, Zayn and GiGi went to the hospital for an emergency checkup after GiGi had randomly started spotting.

_"Zayn, this isn't normal -"_

_"Are you in pain or anything?"_

_"No, no - it's just light cramps, but we need to go, now. I'm scared."_

_"Get in the car, babe."_

He hadn't felt a fear like this since - well, he couldn't remember.

"What's happening?" GiGi anxiously asked the nurse who was busy with the ultrasound.

The nurse frowned and stayed silent, her eyes glued to the monitor. "Let me go and get the doctor for you -"

"She asked a question." Zayn said with an irritated frown of his own.

"Sir, let me go and get Doctor Brown -"

"Can you just fucking do your job and tell us?!"

"Zayn," GiGi tried to calm him and placed her hand over his. When he looked down all of his anger had dissapated upon seeing the silent tears flow down her face. His features softened and he sat down again beside her and held her hand back. The nurse took the moment of calm to rush out to go and get the doctor before Zayn could bite her head off again.

Zayn brought GiGi's hand to his lips and gently kissed her knuckles. "It's okay. Don't cry. It's going to be fine." He said trying to convince both himself and her.

As soon as Doctor Brown entered the room both Zayn and GiGi's heads snapped towards him. He had greeted them and immediately turned his attention to the monitor. The room was tense with the couple drowning in silence.

Doctor Brown released a deep sigh and finally turned to them. "I'm very sorry, folks."

GiGi's face immediately twisted with pain and sorrow as the news she didn't want was confirmed. Tears had welled up in Zayn's eyes too but he sat still. No emotion left in him for another ourburst. "Uhm, how -?" His voice cracked when he tried to finish his sentence, but just couldn't.

"Miscarriages in the first trimester are actually more common than we realise, it's just that many people don't talk about it. It's normally just a problem with the chromosomes which makes it difficult for the foetus to develop properly and it just unfortunately doesn't." Doctor Brown said sympathetically. "It's not your fault, Mrs Malik, and you will be able to try again in a few weeks."

"Zayn, I'm sorry." She forced out.

"GiGi, it's okay." Zayn's whispered back.

"I know that these things can be difficult, so again I'm very sorry. Do you have anymore questions?" Both Zayn and GiGi shook their heads 'no' at the doctor. "I'll give you guys some time then." Doctor Brown said with a curt nod before he left.

That night Zayn and GiGi fell asleep in each others arms with real, genuine emotion as they tried to comfort each other from the pain that they had felt. GiGi could not stop apologising and Zayn, who felt that this could have partially been his fault, couldn't stop apologising in his mind either.

***

Harry had just stepped out on his lunch break to head over to the nearest deli and get something to eat. Ever since that weekend when Gemma confided in him about her pregnancy, he'd been anxiously waiting for her to tell Louis and, ever since that fateful weekend, he had not heard from Louis or his sister at all.

As Harry was deciding on what he felt like getting, he turned ever so slightly and out of the corner of his eye saw a black figure run past the shop window.

He knew that sprint anywhere.

After he had abandoned his prior thoughts about lunch, he rushed out and ran after Louis.

"THE FUCK?!" Louis ripped out his earphones and was just about to take a swing at the person who grabbed his elbow when he saw that it was Harry. "Jesus! You scared me to death!" Louis said and rested his hands on his knees.

"Sorry, I'm sorry, ah - long time no see." Harry said, trying to catch his own breath.

"Yea, you too." Louis straightened and nodded and gave Harry a strange look.

_Oh God._

"What the hell is up with you and your sister?"

"Ay?"

"You're acting weird. She's distant, not returning calls, or when she does, she's snapping at me... and you're ...? You're chasing me down a street. What's going on?" Louis asked with a confused face.

"Gemma'spregnant." Harry blurted. His green eyes wide and wild.

_**Oh God.** _

Louis' on the other hand was just as big, but filled with shock. "What.." His voice sounded as if he had just gotten the wind knocked out of him and not because of his run.

"Oh fuck. Fuck! Louis you can't say I told you because she's coming to tell you herself - I just... it's not the first time," Harry shook his head and rubbed his creased forehead.

"What?" Louis' eyebrows came together and he had never looked more lost in his life.

Harry grabbed his arm again and pulled him to sit down on a nearby bench. "Ah ..I've never mentioned it because it was a really messed up situation... See, she fell pregnant a few years back, and, she freaked and went to the clinic and got an abortion... without telling her boyfriend at the time...without telling mum or anyone.. just totally handling it by herself and, it was just ugly when he found out what she had done."

Louis felt like his heart was in someone's palm and they kept squeezing and squeezing and squeezing. "...Did he," Louis tongue felt like it was cramping up. He massaged his jaw and cheeks with his hand before he tried to speak again. "What did he do, what happened with them?"

Harry shook his head as the memories of what happened that day flashed through his mind. "...Uh, my mum, mum was home and she heard all this fucking noise going on downstairs, him and Gemma yelling and shit being thrown and falling.. so she called the cops. It just ended messily."

"I'm sorry." Louis said after a while of trying to find the right words to say. He felt his stomach twist and turn at the thought of anyone hurting Gemma so he could imagine how Harry must have felt right now.

Harry shook his head at Louis' apology. "Don't be sorry.. I'm sorry that I doubted that you wouldn't be good enough for my sister. Look, if things don't work out -"

"Harry,"

Harry held up a hand and squeezed his eyes shut. "If things - this, anything whatever -" He rambled now with his legs shaking slightly. "Please just don't hurt her, Louis. Just, sort it out quickly and move on."

Louis' mouth hung open slightly and he stared at his grey trainers. "Yea, I promise." He finally answered while picking at his thumbnail. "Well, where is she? Did she say when she would tell me?"

"I don't know," Harry took out his phone to message her. "All I told her was to tell you as soon as possible and that was about a week or so ago."

*

Gemma's foot tapped nervously against the cold, dull grey/green tiles of the clinic she was at. It's as if that foot wanted to just run away from this checkup.

She bit the skin off of the side of her thumb and then picked and pulled at it until it went too far and she started to see blood. "Ow! Fuck." She looked down to see what she had done and quickly shoved her thumb into her mouth to try and ease the pain. She was so consumed by her own thoughts that she hadn't realised the woman sitting next to her was watching her fidgety and anxious behaviour.

After shifting for about the fortieth time in the last fifteen minutes, the woman spoke to Gemma. "Are you alright?"

At first Gemma did not respond - or look at her because she didn't even know that she was being spoken to until she felt a pair of eyes on her. "Oh? Me. Uh, yea. I'm fine." She shrugged and stilled her shaky foot.

"Are you sure, because it looks like you're about to pass out?"

Gemma laughed and pulled on Louis' beanie that she had taken to wear. She wanted to pull it all the way down, over her entire body and just disappear.

God it smelt so good, just like him.

She ripped the black beanie off, sending her hair into a tizz because of the static that was created. "I'm pregnant." She said, not caring to fix her hair and looked nervously at the woman. Oh God. She was gorgeous. Just looking at her made Gemma feel even worse than she already did and caused her to sit up properly and smooth her hair down.

"I just- I can't keep it." The words spilled out of her as the woman was about to congratulate her.

"... What do you mean you can't keep it? ... Are you going to get rid of it?" She frowned and asked instead.

She was just about to explode on Gemma about how wrong and awful it was to do such a thing, but she didn't know the girl, she didn't know what circumstances she faced. She had no idea what her back story was concerning the pregnancy, her home life or the man that had done this and so, she realised that it wasn't her place to yell at her just because of the feelings she had concerning her own loss. So she took a breath and collected herself, rephrasing what she was going to say. "Uhm.. I know it's not my place. But I've just lost my child,"

Gemma's head turned towards her and she gave her a sympathetic look.

"I'm not trying to sway your mind -" a bit of a lie. "But, just really think this through...you could just be acting on your nerves."

"I'm so sorry." Gemma choked out just as the woman was instructed by the receptionist that it was her turn to see the doctor. She offered Gemma a small smile and got up to head towards the doctors room, and before disappearing into it, gave Gemma one last look.

Gemma leaned forward and thought about what this woman had said, her hands suddenly grew freezing and clamy. A buzz from her pocket pulled her out of her thoughts and she pulled out her phone to see Harry's name at the top of her notifications.

Harry: Gemma, where are you?


	45. Chapter 45

"Haz?"

"Gem, where are you?" Harry asked again.

"I'm at the clinic,"

He shot up, completely disregarding Louis who was watching his every move. "What?"

"I'm, I'm sorry. I was just going for a checkup to see how far along I was but, I'm leaving. I'm not going to get rid of it. I'm going to go to Louis' place now to tell him, okay? Uh, please call me later?"

He sat back down with relief washing over him. "I will, I promise." After ending the call he looked at Louis and then checked the time before he looked back at his best friend. "Go home, now."

*

Louis quickly showered once he got home and had almost scrubbed his skin raw from the nervousness he felt. Once done, he paced his room, and thought about how thus scenario would play out. What's going to happen to him and Gemma - their baby, t-  
He dropped when three knocks interrupted his train of thought and ran to the door. "Hiya!"

_Casual, Louis. Be casual. Cas-u-al_

"... You know, don't you?" Gemma asked after she took in Louis' anxious self.

"Pff, I -" His smile fell and he decided to just come clean. "Yea. Yea, uh, I was with Harry when you called him."

Gemma was a bit surprised but decided not to say anything about it. "Can I come in?" She asked while she played with her fingers.

"Of course." Louis said and moved aside for her. "Gem... I'm not upset with you or anything." He said gently once he saw what a nervous wreck she looked.

"... Just what did you and Harry speak about?" She frowned and Louis bowed his head. "... So, he told you about ..."

"Gemma,"

"No, no. It's fine, I mean - he's your best friend and, it is Harry after all."

"Gem," He walked forward and held out his hand to her so that he could lead them to sit on the couch. "What happened? How did everything spiral like that?"

"God," She exhaled heavily. "I was young, Louis. I was only nineteen and James' pull out game was worse than his flirting game, I just had really bad taste back then." She said the last part more to herself than to Louis and he pursed his lips to try and not laugh. "But I was just selfish really." She confided softly. "I had my whole life ahead of me and I didn't want to give it up to look after a kid - I was practically a kid myself...I know you probably think I'm some heartless -"

"No, I understand that you were scared. I understand if you're scared again, but I want you to know that I'll support whatever decision you want to make."

And with that Gemma saw nothing but love and honesty in Louis' eyes. "Louis, I love you. So much, I really do." She moved closer towards him and held both his hands in her lap. "And I want you to make the decision with me, this is your child too."

He doesn't know why hearing the words come straight from Gemma make the situation finally seem so real, as if Harry had simply joked around with him earlier on. "If you're ready and happy to keep it, then I promise to stick with you because I really love you too, more than anything." And he already loved this baby.

For the first time in a while, Gemma finally felt at ease. She leaned and Louis mirrored her posture, both relaxing against the back rest. "You know, I thought you were on the pill, that's why I never really bothered with condoms."

"I was on it." She turned her head to look at him again.

"But then -"

"99% effective. No guarantee that it'll always work." Gemma shrugged and Louis pouted slightly. He never thought that that would ever be a possibility.

"So now we've got to tell our families about this little surprise."

"Yea. Fun." Gemma said sarcastically.

*

"You're keeping it then?!" Harry grinned from ear to ear.

"Yea -"

"OH, I'M SO HAPPY!" He beamed. "You can call him little Harry junior."

"Ha!" Gemma laughed and rolled her eyes. "Not even if it is a boy."

"Mummy is already being so mean to your uncle Haz." Harry cooed to Gemma's stomach.

"More like uncle knob-head." She mumbled, making Louis laugh.

"Hey -" Harry whined but couldn't fight the smile that made its way into his face.

This was nice. It warmed his heart to see how happy Gemma and Louis were with each other after all these years, even with a little one on the way. Yes, they were unsure about how'd they do as parents, but their love for each other refused to waver.

...

Over on Zayn's side, things couldn't be more different. To avoid facing his emotions he drank until he felt numb.

After he had finished almost half of the remainder of whiskey, he got up off the couch and walked to the kitchen to throw the empty bottle away. On his way, on the dining table, were brand new parenting books that he had ordered, untouched and wrapped in the plastic casing. It was as if they mocked Zayn - taunted him about what had happened.

In a fit of rage he grabbed the books and threw it as hard as he could. He flung some of the pulled out chairs out if his way, the wood crashing and immediately breaking once hitting the floor.

"Zayn!" GiGi rushed down the staircase after hearing the commotion. "What are you doing?!"

Zayn ignored her, heading towards the keyrack to grab his car keys.

"Zayn." GiGi tried to get his attention again, following him as he stomped towards the front door.

"Don't!" He spun around once he felt her hand on his bicep. He grabbed her face in his free hand as a warning to just let him go. "Don't." He repeated and she let her grip loosen, letting him walk out.

It must have been almost eleven o' clock at night when Zayn decided to get into his sports car and drive - anywhere that just wasn't here.

He didn't know how long he was driving for, but found himself approaching the countryside. The countryside where everything was safe and calm, with not a worry or care. Being in his drunken stupor and seeing the vast amounts of fresh green grass with no buildings in sight for miles made him feel like he was in another world. The feeling made him to want to start all over in a place where no one knew him and he knew of no one and nothing... maybe Harry if he would give him a second chance.

Zayn was so wrapped in his fairytale daydream that he hadn't noticed that he was swerving in between lanes. It wasn't until bright lights flickered furiously from in front of him that he realised he was not in the lane he should have been in. He swerved to the left, unable to regain control of his car because of the high speed that he was travelling at, and hit a pothole, sending the car in the air. It had summersaulted twice until it came to a stop when it crashed into a wooden post.

Zayn was slumped upside down in his seat, his head and neck pressed awkward against the roof of the car. He lifted his right hand, searching sluggishly for the door handle but was unable to find the strength to do so. He could smell blood but didn't know where it was coming from. He hated the metallic smell. It always made his stomach churn.

A shrill beeping noise of the car rang in Zayn's ears bring the last thing that he heard before he let his eyes rest for a few minutes.


	46. Chapter 46

'Summer of '69' blared through Harry's kitchen as he fixed himself a cup of tea and danced around to the old classic. The sun shone through his window and hit him perfectly on his back, warming up his bones even more so than his joy did.

_"Now Jonathan with your sports,"_

_"Thanks Carol. First up, some rather unfortunate news, Man. United player, Zayn Malik was involved in a car accident last night. Officials at the scene claim that Malik was indeed intoxicated well over the limit and swerved to avoid an oncoming vehicle, crashing into a lamppost. He has since been rushed to hospital and said to be in a 'stable' condition. More to follow later on at the five o' clock news. Liverpool is set to play...."_

Harry was busy stirring his cup of tea but his hand stilled as soon as he had heard Zayn's name. His entire body stiffened as soon as the news announcer had mentioned the accident.

Had he heard correctly?

_... Zayn.Malik?_

He picked up his phone and looked at it like it was a foreign object, but in all honesty, it was just that to Harry in the moment. Shock had completely taken over him and he had forgotten how to work his phone. He stared at it, his hands trembled as he swiped, not knowing what he was doing. He looked through all of his apps over and over again.

 _What was this?_ What was he doing?

Finally, he found the icon that showed all of his contacts and this time he slowly scrolled through the names, as if he had forgotten everyone there too, and had to remind himself of who he knew. He scrolled and felt his breath grow shorter and shorter, the radio in the background suddenly so deafening to him that he had to press all the buttons at once to turn it off.

Finally he found the name that he needed. Liam.

After the contact was selected, he pressed the ice cold screen to his flaming skin. Tears welled up in his eyes as the ringing persisted. He cut the call and tried again.

"Shit. Liam, no." Harry tried calling him yet again, his heart now full on racing in his chest. Liam was his only link to Zayn and he was unavailable.

He crouched down on the floor and cupped his hands over his mouth.

_Harry, it's okay. They said that he's stable. He's alive._

He stood up again, gripping at the back of the chair and squeezed his eyes shut, forcing the tears back.

_06:55_

_Shit._

Late. Late, he was going to be late.

Abandoning his tea, he grabbed whatever he needed for work and rushed out of his apartment. There was an eleven year old child that he needed to see first thing that morning who was experiencing severe anxiety from trying to manage her workload, athletics and, home life and he just couldn't cancel the same day, just mere minutes before.

Harry had jammed and turned his car key into the ignition so hard, if he was a little more forceful he would have broken the key clean off. Suddenly his phone rang which made him let go of his keys and grab at it like someone was about to steal it.

"Liam??" He answered, not caring to check the screen.

"... Harry, are you alright?" It was a teacher from the prep school.

"Yes. Yes," He cleared his throat. "Sorry..."

She spoke to Harry, asking him if he could help her compile some questioner for a Life Orientation lesson. Harry agreed, not even knowing what to, cut the call and made his way to school.

*

"Harry, I honestly feel like you're not even listening. You're just like everyone else I try to talk to, really. My parents, friends. Just forget it."

"What? - Wait! Lana, wait." Harry quickly got up when he realised that his young client had left her seat, ready to leave the classroom they were using. "Lana, please come and sit back down." He pleaded and luckily for him, the young girl had listened to him.

"It looks like you need someone to talk to just as bad." She said in a flat tone with her brown eyes moved from his green ones to her scuffed up black school shoes.

Harry felt embarrassed at how unprofessional he currently was. He took off his glasses and placed Lana's file aside. "I apologise. Uhm, I'm just..." not in the right frame of mind. "Had a lot on my mind today, but that's no excuse." He forced a smile and grabbed his glasses again and let them sit on his nose.

Lana gave him a blank look and he could see that she was still frustrated with him. "You know, we can reschedule for another time. You can't help me with my issues when you're thinking about other things." She said tiredly.

"Are you sure? We could -"

"I'm sure. I've got to go to maths anyway."

Harry was already getting his diary out to make a new appointment for next week when she stood up.

"Alright, I apologise again, Lana."

"Don't sweat it, yea? If it gets worse I'll come see you during one of the breaks." She sighed, grabbed her backpack and left the room.

Harry leaned forward to rest his elbows on his knees and covered his face with his hands. He must have looked at the clock on the wall for the hundredth time, just waiting until he could get out of here.

*

After school had ended, Harry sat in his car in the school parking lot. He didn't want to go back home just yet, he needed to get into contact with Liam or one of Zayn's friends to make sure that he was okay.

"Louis?"

"Hey man, what's up?"

Harry frowned and picked at his steering wheel. "Zayn's been in an accident." There went his temperature spiking up again as the words left his lips.

".. So you heard?" Louis said in a small voice.

"You heard too? Why haven't you said anything?! I've been worried sick!"

"I'm sorry, Harry! We haven't spoken about him in however long it's been so I didn't really know how you'd feel about this??"

"I feel sick about it. Things may have not ended on a great note between us but I really just want to make sure that he's okay." Harry said and Louis had heard his voice shake on the other end. "I've tried calling Liam but he's not answering, I even tried damn searching for what hospital he's in on Google, looking like a right old crazed fan, but found nothing."

"Alright just calm down,"

But how could Harry be calm when he saw what was left of Zayn's sports car. It was as if a giant had crushed a little tin can and left it on the side of the road.

"It's okay, Harry. He's going to be okay. We'll just keep trying Liam - Niall too."

"Yea, okay." Harry breathed out morosely before he started his car.

Upon getting back to his eerily silent home, he grabbed his untouched and ice cold tea and dumped it down the drain. He was unable to eat or drink anything, feeling like a lump of lead had already been dropped into his stomach. It was only the next morning that Louis' searching and badgering of others had paid off and he was able to text Harry the name of the hospital that Zayn was taken to and Harry wasted no time to call in to work, claiming personal problems for his unexpected absence so that he could finally go to Zayn.


	47. Chapter 47

"Let me in! I am a friend of his!" Harry must have been arguing for at least half an hour with the security guard about trying to gain entrance to Zayn's ward.

"Sir, there's no ,em>'Harry Styles' on the list. You are not permitted to enter." The big, buff man said, going over the clipboard for the tenth time in hopes that Harry would get the hint and just give up. "See," he turned the clipboard towards Harry who simply waved the piece of paper out of his face.

"Listen, where's Liam or -"

Doniya was busy walking back towards Zayn's ward when she heard the commotion and thinking that it was another one of Zayn's diehard fans, she was just about to step in when she caught Harry's side profile. Suddenly she remembered the picture Zayn had showed her and realised just who was standing in front of her.

"Harry?"

Harry stopped arguing and turned towards the direction he heard his name in.

He nodded at her and she stuck out her hand. "Doniya."

Harry took her hand in his, but couldn't shake it, he just stared for a while until the sorrow kicked in and he pulled her into a hug. "I'm so sorry." He said with his cheek pressed tightly against hers.

Doniya hugged him back, just as securely and chose not to say anything for a minute. "This isn't the way I wanted to meet you." She finally said after pulling away and letting security know that it was alright for Harry to come and go as he pleased.

"I - Neither did I." Harry shook his head, his hands still holding onto her upper arms supportively. "...How is he?" He finally asked the dreaded question.

Doniya bit the corner of her bottom lip to keep herself together. "Not good." She whimpered as her eyes turned glossy again.

Harry's lips quivered. "What -" He cleared his throat so that he sounded less like a mouse and more like himself. "What happened?"

"He just.. lost it. Completely lost his mind. It finally got too much for him to handle and he just came undone. Trashed his house, got into the car and..." She turned her head away and wiped at her tears.

Harry remembered Zayn's vicious temper and just how bad things could get when he was in that state of mind.

"Uhm... He... GiGi was pregnant but they lost the baby." Doniya continued to explain.

Harry feels ice cold. He doesn't know if it's because he's particularly fond of kids or if it's got to do with the feelings that he held for Zayn, probably a mixture of both that makes his chest tighten and ache.

"She was only a month along, but it really hit the both of them hard. GiGi had tried to call him countless times after he left but -" She shrugged. "The truck driver was the one that called the accident in. If it wasn't for him..." She shook her head and Harry understood that Zayn probably wouldn't be here today if the truck driver hadn't called for help. She took a breath to recollect herself and let Harry know the damage that the accident had on Zayn. "He didn't have his seat belt on so, right now, he's in a medically induced coma just to protect his brain from swelling. Uhm, the right side of his body," Doniya motioned towards her right side as she spoke. "Is completely shattered. His leg is broken in, three places, his arm, collarbone." She swallowed thickly.

A single silent tear slid down Harry's cheek. To hear of what happened - to imagine Zayn in that sort of pain. It just broke his heart. His glasses had started to fog up from the tears that kept collecting in his eyes so he took them off to wipe the fog away and opted to hook them onto his shirt instead of putting them back on. "Can I see him?"

"... GiGi's with him at the moment...

"Oh, t-"

"Let me take her out to get a cup coffee so you can see him in private."

Harry swallowed the lump in his throat. Meeting Zayn's girl- wife, was inevitable in this type of situation. So he nodded and followed her into the room. The sight was what you'd expect. A scared and anxious wife watching over her hurt, unresponsive husband rest.

"Hey," Doniya greeted, walking in first with Harry trailing behind her. "This is Harry,"

"... Hi. Yea, I remember you..." GiGi said tiredly. A heavy set of bags under her eyes after getting no sleep for over twenty-four hours now.

"Hi, again." Harry smiled weakly and bowed his head.

She stood up and tucked a strand of her blonde hair behind her ear.

"Wanna go get some coffee?" Doniya asked.

"I was just going to say." GiGi said as she pulled down on her white sweater sleeves and crossed her arms. Harry honestly did feel awful for her, she looked the way he was currently feeling ... probably because she felt the exact same way. This was her husband, and she only just had to come to terms with losing a child.

"Be back in a bit." Doniya whispered to Harry and rubbed his arm gently before both her and GiGi left him alone with Zayn.

After all this time Harry and Zayn were finally alone together. The steady beep of the heart monitor urged Harry to pick up his suddenly very heavy feet. He choked out a cry but quickly covered his mouth with his hand as soon as he laid eyes on Zayn.

The right side of his face cut up and bruised. He had a long cut from his ear down to the top of his lip and, another shorter one splitting his eyebrow in half. Under his eye was an ugly mixture of blue and purple and it was slightly swollen. With his free hand, he gently placed it on Zayn's hand. "Zayn, I'm so sorry." Harry forced his words out through his tears. "I'm so sorry this happened." Harry's hand moved from Zayn's own to his chest, neck and finally, cheek. He found himself wanting to bend down to softly press his lips to his forehead to offer some sort of comfort.

Just then the door opened and Harry almost fell onto his back because of the speed of which he lurched and pulled his arm away.

"Harry?"

It was Liam.

"Hi," Harry wiped his cheeks, once again, and greeted Liam.

"Hey. Uh," Liam moved forward to hug him tightly. "...Nice to see you again."

"You as well." Harry said and they both shared a look at Zayn. "I tried to call you when I heard about ... this."

"You did? God, I'm sorry. I've totally just forgotten about my phone." Liam said, feeling his jean pockets to see that he really had left it... well, somewhere. Liam looked just as worried as everyone else did. No one really knew how bad things were until the doctors would get back to them after running tests and examining Zayn.

The upside of things, the medically induced coma should last for roughly around two weeks.. the bad news, no one knew what state Zayn would be in once he would wake up, leaving them all to now hope and pray for the best.


	48. Chapter 48

_Two and a half weeks later_

Zayn felt like a couple of pairs of hands were smothering him. They were pinching his nostrils shut, a hand clamped over his mouth and one with a tight grip on his throat.

"Zayn, Zayn! It's okay. Wake up."

He struggled to speak, struggled to breathe, struggled to move and then felt the pain. It coursed through his body, starting from his toes and travelling right up to his spine, over and over again. Getting more severe each time. When his vision cleared he realised that people were hovering over him, pressing something against his nose and mouth were nurses with a mask that fed him oxygen to wake him up.

He tried to raise his arms, moaning in pain when he realised that he couldn't.

"Relax, Zayn. It's okay." The woman on the left said.

"Breathe." The other on the right instructed him.

He turned his head away from the oxygen mask that he was furiously wanting to fight just seconds ago.

"Zayn? Can you speak for us? How are you feeling?"

Tears pricked at the corners of his eyes as he looked at the side of the room.

_What the hell is this?_

"Mum?"

"Your mum's outside, Zayn. Dad, sisters. All of your family and friends. You were in quite a nasty car accident."

He groaned sluggishly.

Soon, there was another voice that walked in and greeted him. "Zayn, how are you? Can you answer a few questions for me?"

Zayn turned his head back up, focusing on the ceiling.

"Do you remember the accident?"

All the Zayn could remember was a pair of bright lights and then a loud crash. "No." He rasped, his mouth so incredibly dry.

"Can you tell me where you're from, Zayn?"

He took an abnormally long pause. ".... Bradford."

"That's right, can you tell me things about yourself."

"I just want to sleep." He grumbled, wanting to shut all of the pain off.

"We just want to know a few things to make sure that you're alright, then you can get right back to resting. How old are you, Zayn?"

"...twenty...six?"

"Do you remember your family? What are their names?"

Zayn remembered. He remembered everything, there was nothing wrong with his memories, but he was slow and cautious concerning his answers.

"Bring his family in." The doctor said to one of the nurses who went to open the door.

He couldn't explain the relief he had felt when he saw his parents and sisters, suddenly feeling like a child again.

"Oh God, Zayn." His mother was already in tears of joy this time, happy to see him awake above everything else.

"You asshole, I thought you had died." Doniya whispered when she hugged him, being as gentle as she could. The scolding actually made Zayn feel a bit better and he managed to smile.

Zayn then turned to GiGi who was standing next to him.

"I'm sorry."

"Shh, don't. Not now. It's okay, you're okay and that's all that matters right now." She silenced him not wanting him to be more stressed than he probably already was. "Get some rest." She pushed his hair out of his face and stroked his uninjured cheek.

"Zee," Doniya sat on the edge of his bed and focused on her hands in her lap.

"Yea?"

"Some friends are going to come and see you too... They were here earlier on." Zayn expected that because of the close friends that he had, he found nothing out of the ordinary but stayed silent when he noticed how tentative his sisters' tone and body language was.

"Liam .... _and Harry._ "

"...Oh."

Doniya watched him try to keep a neutral expression, but saw in his eyes that he was shocked upon the mention of Harry's name. He had  
thought that he'd never see him again and, as much as he had wanted to ask Doniya more about him he couldn't, not with his spouse right next to him, holding his hand. He nodded and decided to focus on the other people in the room his doctor who was one of them. Zayn watched him scribble down some notes before he walked forward, standing at the foot of the bed. "So how long will I be in here for?"

"Well, your tibia was crushed against the car door as soon as you came into contact with the pole. Fractured patella and hip bone, so that should take three to six months to completely heal up."

_Jesus._

"Your clavicle should heal in about four to eight weeks and about the same for your arm about six to eight weeks. Now," he clicked his pen and held it next to Zayn's foot. "Can you feel this?" Zayn jerked his leg back and groaned in pain as the rest if his body moved slightly from the force.

"Christ. Yes I felt it." Zayn said wiggling his toes, wanting the ticklish sensation gone.

The doctor chuckled and apologised before dragging his pen along Zayn's right foot. "Zayn?" He frowned slightly. "Did you feel that?" He asked, repeating his actions and Zayn's entire leg stayed still. He tried to sit up to see just where the doctor would touch him and realised that his right leg was completely numb compared to the rest of his body.

"Do it again?" Zayn asked and when the doctor did, he shook his head.

There was no sensation at all and right now, he was screaming to himself to move his leg in the slightest bit, but he couldn't no matter how much he forced it.

"What - why can't he move his leg?" His mother, Trisha asked.

"It could be a generalised paralysis - can you move both arms?"

"Yes," Zayn nodded, growing more and more worried by the minutes.

"It's called monoplegia. It's the paralysis of a single arm or leg."

"How bad is it, it's only temporary, right? I mean it's one leg...?" Zayn asked a little frantically.

"... We need to do tests on your spine to find out the severity of it.."

_No. No no no no. This would mean the end of everything._

The end of what Zayn worked so hard for, for so long.


	49. Chapter 49

Zayn couldn't get any sleep that night because of all the worry on his mind. When dawn broke he eagerly waited for his nurse to come and check up on him until his first visitors could arrive - specifically, until Harry would arrive.

"Good morning, Zayn!"

"Morning, Pippa."

"And, how are we doing today?" The bubbly nurse asked as she opened the curtains and window to let in some fresh air.

"I'm alright." He answered with a slight pout. "How're you?"

"I'm well, thanks." She smiled at Zayn and then checked his drip. "How's the leg?"

He shook his head no, signalling that it hadn't improved. "My arm's really itchy though." He said eyeing his cast and wiggling his exposed fingers.

"Oh yea, those casts are a real pain when you have an itch. Uhm, I'll bring you a pencil or straw do you can use that to scratch it when I bring you breakfast in, yea?"

"Thanks." He nodded and tried to use his good arm to try and lift his body up higher.

"Zayn, wait, let me. Please, ask for help when you need it. That's what I'm here for."

Zayn clenched his jaw. He had learnt from a young age to be independent and do things for himself, so it was a bit of a struggle for him to put his pride aside and ask for someone else's help concerning basically everything that he took for granted just a few weeks ago.

*

"Is Harry still coming?"

"Yea, I actually spoke to him early this morning to talk about when would be easier for him to come and see you... alone, you know?"

"You can stay, Don, I -"

"I just want you and Harry to sort out...whatever you both have going on. He obviously still cares about you to make an effort to drive about an hour pretty often to come and see you. You owe him some alone time, Zayn."

_Don't put me on a guilt trip. Please._

"He's a lovely guy, Zayn. I really like him."

Zayn stayed silent and kept his eyes focused on the front of the room - and as the saying goes, speak of the devil and he shall appear, three soft knocks sounded from door, gaining the Malik siblings' attention.

It would be cliché to say that when Zayn saw Harry again it was like the first time they had met, because the first time that he had seen Harry, he wanted to fulfil his own needs of lust that he felt towards him. This time, Zayn felt relief and joy when he saw Harry. He had missed the kind, soft, green eyes with light creases at the corners caused by his ever present greeting smile. He really felt his heart flutter at the sight of him.

Soft bird chirps from outside were interrupted by harsh sound of chair legs scrapping against floor tiles and Zayn was inevitably pulled out of his longing gaze. "Hey, Harry. I'm just going to go stretch my legs. I'll see you guys in a bit." Doniya said to both Harry and Zayn before quickly exiting.

Harry held the door open for her and once let go of the handle, immediately felt how sweaty his palm was. He turned around and wiped his hand on his jeans before swapping the flowers he had brought to that same hand. They were bright yellow sunflowers. A nice and welcoming contrast to the dull grey floor and white walls that Zayn was surrounded by.

He silently grabbed a spare glass, placed the flowers in it and poured some water in before taking Doniya's seat next to Zayn. "Hi." Harry smiled and it was like Zayn had woken up from a dream as soon as he opened his mouth.

Zayn's jaw opened and closed a few times before he was finally able to spit out a simple 'hello'. He could smell Harry's cologne. A clean fresh scent and maybe a mix of mild flowers - not sweet but simply just refreshing. Zayn couldn't quite get the description right but he loved it, it was so Harry.

"How are you?" Harry leaned forward slightly to rest his arm on the bed.

"... Irritated." Zayn raised his eyebrows and laughed, making Harry grin with him. "Can't really do anything for myself." He shrugged. "How are you?" He asked with his tone immediately softening.

"Relieved. Happy." Harry let out a single laugh and then lowered his head. "I thought you had died, Zayn." He said as soon as his smile fell.

"... Join the club." Zayn tried to make light of the situation but Harry was still visibly upset. "I'm sorry." Zayn whispered and both him and Harry knew that that apology was not just for making a silly joke. The boys shared a silent look with Harry already forgiving Zayn for just up and leaving his life so abruptly.

"I just want you to be okay again." Harry finally said.

"... I don't know if I will be.. Uhm, I don't have any feeling in my right leg."

Harry gazed at Zayn's leg.

"And I don't know if it's temporary or permanent. It's -"

"But your spine, how's your spine?" Harry worried.

"It's fine. All the major things, head, spine, whatever is okay."

"Then you'll be okay, Zayn." Harry tried to assure, even though he didn't know if that was the truth or not. Perhaps he was also trying to make himself feel better by saying what he said.

Zayn shook his head and finally broke down. "I've gone and messed everything up, Harry. I was so stupid - so selfish and the fact that it had to take an accident to happen to open my eyes, I just -" He shook his head and Harry let his fingers move closer to Zayn's, just to have their fingertips touch.

Harry tried to fight back his own tears as he spoke. " _You're_ going to be okay, Zayn. We're all going to be there with you, okay? You're such a strong person I know that this isn't going to get the best of you." Nothing had changed with Harry always choosing to see the best in Zayn. "You're going to get physiotherapy and whatever else you fancy sports stars get," Zayn laughed at that. "And you're going to be back on the field in no time, okay? You're a fighter, Zayn. You've proved that to yourself and us so many times." Harry said giving his hand a bit of an encouraging squeeze. He chose to focus on the here and now, abandoning thoughts that he and Zayn could rekindle anything of what they had, because honestly it wasn't very likely that they would, to Harry. A lot of time had passed and things had changed so he decided to just be the best of friends that he could be for Zayn.


	50. Chapter 50

"How did things with Harry go?" Doniya eagerly asked.

Zayn lifted and dropped his good hand. "I think we're friends?"

"Just friends?"

"What do you want me to do, Don? Drop to my knees as soon as I see him? - Not that I could _anyway._ "

She scoffed at how blunt he was. "Zayn, God. You know that's not what I mean. I just thought that you'd talk about what happened before -"

"No." Zayn shook his head. "None of that. He just wants to focus on present day things."

"You ..." Doniya's voice died down when their younger sister, Waliyha skipped into the room and hopped onto Zayn's bed.

"Hello," She greeted cheerily, tapping away on her phone.

"What are you doing?" Doniya asked her.

"Posting on snapchat. Wanna be on it?"

"No." Doniya and Zayn said at the same time, leaving Waliyha to pout at her phone by herself.

"Why you guys so quiet?" Waliyha asked them when the grew silent.

"Got nothing else to say." Doniya shrugged and Waliyha laughed - either at them or her phone, no one was sure.

"Liam's going to be here soon."

"Are you trying to get rid of me?" She asked Doniya with an amused smile.

"I'm just saying, you like him, you know?"

"Oh yea, he's so fit - I just,"

"No." Zayn stopped her admiration for his best friend. "Just. No. He's way too old for you."

"And? He can be my daddy." She said making both her and Doniya laugh.

"I will beat you with half my working body, don't you dare try me." Zayn said, trying incredibly hard to keep a straight face.

"Okay brother bear, you hobble along and try." Waliyha laughed again before she settled back onto his bed, a satisfied and easy smile on her face and her attention once again fixed on her phone. Waliyha had no filter. What you saw was what you got. She would always say what was on her mind, being incredibly honest all the time. It got Zayn reflecting.

He sat in silence thinking about his life. The yellow blur of flowers, trying desperately to vie for his attention. "I need to talk to mum and dad." He finally said and Doniya looked from him to Waliyha before she shrugged and mouthed 'for what?'

"About Harry." Zayn said aloud and Doniya again looked at her sister, who couldn't be bothered by what the topic of conversation was. Doniya opened her mouth to speak but Zayn beat her to it. "I need to tell them I'm gay."

Waliyha finally looked up from her phone, but did not appear shocked or confused by the announcement, but her perfectly sculpted arched brows certainly showed great interest.

"I can't keep living like this. It's going to make me sick. Physically, emotionally, mentally - I'm just going to head in a downward spiral and take everyone I care about down with me."

"... Aren't you actually bi if you and Gi-" Waliyha began to ask.

"No. No I don't like her, not like that, anyway."

"Why didn't you tell anyone, Zayn?" Waliyha asked with a tilt of her head.

Doniya shrunk in her chair and Waliyha figured it out. "Oh. So you have, just not all of us. Why?" She brought her knees to her chest and finally put her phone down.

"I was scared." He says, as if Waliyha had asked him a rhetorical question.

"Of what? .... Of us?" She laughed. "How, wh- Zayn that's honestly the dumbest shit I've ever heard. You were scared to tell us about how you feel and who you are when we've always shown how much we care about you."

"Oh please, you all -"

"No, listen to me. Shut up for once in your life and just listen. Do you know how much mum and dad have sacrificed for us, for you?"

"I've put them through enough in their life, I didn't -"

"You what? Oh my God. You -" Waliyha was lost for words. "You idiot. Everything they've done has all been for us, Zayn. How can you think that you've been some sort of burden? Jesus, mum got a job on weekends just to help with your soccer career, move you all the way out here and out of little Bradford -"

"Yea and how in love are they with GiGi??"

"Because you told and, showed us that you were into her! And she is nice. They were happy because they believed that you were. Holy shit, if you'd just open your damn eyes and see that. That's why they could hardly make it to your soccer matches. Work came first so that we could have a better life, things only eased up when you got onto Man-U."

Zayn looked at Doniya, wondering why on earth she wouldn't confide in him about the money problems his family had gone through. "Doniya?" He called, wanting her attention.

"I just didn't want to stress you out more than you already were, concerning those things, Zayn." She said, avoiding eye contact with him.

"Zayn, yea. Okay, realistically they might be shocked by you liking guys but," Waliyha shrugged. "So what? You're their son. They want the best for you and they'll support you no matter what - we all will."

Zayn clenched down hard on his jaw, fighting back tears. He was just about to hold his arm out to hug her when she jumped off the bed. "Wait, where are you going??"

"Oh please. Your 'favourite' sister is here to keep you company." Waliyha teased with a smile. ".... Besides Liam's here so I'm going to say 'hi'."

"Wait!" Zayn frowned but it was too late.

"I think that's what you've need to hear a long time now, Zayn." Doniya said, making him turn towards her. "You're not a burden, not because of anything that you've gone through or that's happened."


	51. Chapter 51

Talking to his parents made Zayn feel like a weight was lifted off of his chest and he could finally breathe. Yes, it was hard for Zayn to finally open up and yes, his parents were shocked but true to Waliyha's word, they said that they would still support him one-hundred percent. His dad was a bit tougher to come around to accept that this is who Zayn really was than his mother was, but with time and speaking to his son more and more about it, he understood that it changed nothing about Zayn and nothing about their relationship.

"What does this mean for you and Harry?" Liam asked.

"What about, GiGi?" Doniya asked in a small voice.

"... I can't just go back to Harry and expect him to just push things aside and pick up where we left off. For all I know, he could have moved on ages ago." And the fact that Harry's visits weren't as frequent as Zayn would have liked, didn't seem to help his thoughts. As for GiGi. He knew that that would be a harder talk to have than the one he had jusy with his parents.

"Let me stay when you speak to her, Zayn. It's not going to be easy." Doniya pleaded.

"I just really don't think you should. She's going to - I don't know. I don't know how she's going to handle things."

***

_How do I handle this?_  
_How do I start, what do I say -_

"Hey,"

"Pippa. Hi." Zayn swore that he must have looked like he had just run a marathon because of the beads of sweat that had collected on his forehead.

"Are you alright?" She pressed the back of her palm to his clamy forehead and grew worried.

"I'm fine, I'm fine. I just - had a really bad dream. Woke up before you could come in." He lied.

"...okay, well here," She poured him a glass of water and urged him to drink it before she took his blood pressure and made sure that he was telling the truth about being okay. "These are beautiful." She said looking at the sunflowers - or at least they were when Harry had brought them in. They had now dried and wilted, with most of the petals having fallen off. "Let me just clean this up."

"Wait! ... Wait, you don't have to do that." Zayn didn't want to have the flowers get thrown out.

"Oh, no don't worry. I'll just leave them here for you and throw out the water." Like she said, she thought that even in their frail and wilted form, they were still beautiful.

Zayn gave her a small smile as a thank you.

"You've been doing well, yea? Pretty soon you'll be back up and ready to start physio." A nervous itch shot from his foot up to his head at the mention of physio.

Moments later, GiGi walked in. Ahe pressed a kiss to Zayn's cheek before she sat down. "How are you feeling?"

"Good. Better each day.. I can't wait to get out of here." He said, forcing a smile.

GiGi's face stayed neutral. Their relationship hadn't improved, nor had it worsened.

"I, uh... I haven't been honest with you.." Zayn said, looking at his light blue sheets.

"Concerning?"

"Me. Haven't been honest about myself to you or anyone really. I ..."

"What, Zayn?" She pushed gently, wanting to know what he was struggling to get out.

"We aren't going to work. Ever. No matter what we do. We're not meant to work." He said, finally looking into her eyes.

"... Are you really starting this again?" She asked softly.

"GiGi I'm serious. You're not happy with me. We're just forcing this to work, and for what? Because it's how it's supposed to be? The model and the sports star -"

"I love you."

"And I love you, but we don't love each other the way a husband and wife should."

Confusion was etched on GiGi's face.

"Please, I just want us to be happy."

"And I don't make you happy?" She frowned.

"... Not in the way I want... No."

"So then tell me in what way you want, tell me what you want me to do, I'll change, I'll try, I'll -"

"It's not you! Please -"

"Please don't give me that 'it's not you its me' bullshit, Zayn, it's the oldest -"

"But it is me! It's all got to do with me!"

"This is a two-way thing, it doesn't just all fall onto -"

"I'm gay!" Zayn's confession ended their shouting match and GiGi sat back in her chair, tears streaming down her shocked face.

"What?"

"I like men. I always have, since I can remember, God. I just tried to block it out."

"You. You're gay." She repeated him and nodded slowly but Zayn didn't know of it had sunk in properly or not.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I put you through this, I never meant for you to get hurt and I just..."

She wiped her tears and sat up straight. "So, you were willing to live your entire life a lie?"

Zayn nodded.

"I wished you'd told me sooner." She sniffed and folded her arms over her chest.

"I'm sorry." He apologised again. He couldn't read her. Was she angry, sad, did she secretly know?

"God," She covered her eyes with a hand and bowed her head.

Was she laughing?

"I feel so stupid now thinking about how I used to tease you and Liam, saying that you guys should just get married because of how close the two of you are."

Zayn chuckled too.

"... Did you...ever,"

"What? Liam? No. No, no."

"Right! Right, I'm sorry. That was stereotyping, I'm sorry." She rubbed her forehead, apologising.

"...Have you been with a guy?" GiGi asked, her curiosity getting the better of her, making Zayn laugh nervously. "No. You know what, you don't have to talk about it. I'm sorry about all of these questions."

"No, it's fine. Uhm, well, yea I have. With Harry -"

_Oh God, no._

That last part wasn't meant to come out, but it just did like word vomit.

GiGi frowned and did a double take, rewinding what Zayn said and playing it again.

"Harry? As in Harry, Harry?"

_**Oh.God.** _

"So ... wait, did you cheat on me?!" She asked narrowing her eyes and raising her voice.

".... GiGi, I never meant for it to happen when it did and hurt -"

Zayn stopped when her hand connected with his cheek - luckily it was his left side, free of stitches.

"You fucking bastard! Temptation was too much for you, wasn't it?"

Zayn squeezed his eyes closed and kept his mouth shut. Honestly, he felt like the slap was long overdue on his part.

"With someone we know, _right_ under my nose." GiGi pulled off her wedding ring and threw it at his chest. "You'll have the divorce papers as soon as your arm is healed up, you prick."


	52. Chapter 52

Life comes at you fast.

Staying stagnant for five months leaves no surprise that one would be bound to lose their muscle and fitness level that they've worked hard to build up. Looking down, Zayn could immediately tell that that had happened to him. His legs were now thinner and he could feel how weak his arms were, even though the one had completely healed up perfectly.

"You wanna try and take a step forward?"

Perspiration dotted Zayn's forehead and upper lip. He struggled immensely to hold up his body on the parallel walking bars. He merely adjusted his hand and felt himself slipping. "I can't." He shook his head and felt his nurse hold onto his waist.

"I've got you, Zayn. Nothing's going to happen. Just try, please." Anyone would understand her frustration, especially when Zayn hadn't been willing to attempt to move his body yet remain upset about its condition.

"Alison, just forget it, I can't."

She moved from behind Zayn to now come and stand in front of him. "Listen, you need to start by helping yourself because no one else will be able to do this for you, okay? Now all that I'm asking for you is to try one step." She said in a gentle yet firm voice.

Zayn exhaled a shaky breath and first moved his arms, then his good leg. Before, when those light tingled pulsed through his right leg, signalling sensation, he cried. He was over the moon. He could feel his leg again - of course that's when the pain set in too, but he didn't care. He was going to walk again.

"You're doing well, Zayn." Alison said moving backwards as Zayn crept forward, inch by inch. But it was all too much weight for him to handle and he falls for what must have been the millionth time and like time and time again, he wants to call this session quits.

"Are you okay?"

He snatched his hand away from Alison's caring hand, annoyed and fed. "I'm fine."

She stood up from her crouched position, next to Zayn, having patience as to when he wants to offer her his hand so that she can help him up on his feet again.

"I'm never going to be the same again."

"Zayn, come on."

"I'm serious." He could feel it in his body. His mind... Everything had changed and he knew it.

"Come on, on three." Alison pushed aside his negativity and offered her hand, which Zayn did actually accept.

"Zayn, if you won't try for yourself, will your try for all those kids who still look up to you no matter what? To them you are their everything."

_She just couldn't resist using that line._

*

After his 55 minute session, Zayn grabbed his crutches and headed outside. In the parking lot was Liam and Harry kicking around a soccer ball to each other.

"Stop kicking it so hard." Harry said, slightly winded because he's had to run after the ball which he unfortunately let roll down a hill.

"Try stopping the ball this time." Liam laughed and kicked it softly towards Harry. "Keep your eye on the ball." And Harry did, however his Chelsea boots were not meant to help him with any fast movements and as soon as he juts his left foot out, his right slips, heading away from him and he's flat on his backside in ten seconds.

"Oh... Oh my God, are you okay?" Liam ran over to ask Harry who hadn't gotten up yet.

"I think... I think I've ripped my jeans." He pants and Liam cannot contain his laughter. Harry's let's out an exhausted laugh and touches his inner thigh, feeling the new hole in his pants.

He stares at the light blue, cloudless sky. The corners of his eyes pooling with tears because of how bright it is out today.

"Oh man, I better get on both my feet soon before Harry takes my place."

Liam and Harry both turn to look at Zayn.

"Hey, cripple." Liam greets before helping Harry up off the dusty ground.

Zayn gives him the finger and walks towards his friends. "You okay?" He asks Harry, slight humour filtering through his voice and Harry doesn't want know if he wants to smack the smirk off of his face, or mirror it.

"Just peachy." He smiles back and dusts the back of his pants with his hands. "Coming for that jersey of yours." Harry jokes back.

"Oh, yea? Well I'll be waiting."

Liam clears his throat and rubs the back of his neck, feeling like a candle holder between the pair. Zayn licks his lips and in that moment, wonders if it would be clichéd to call this relationship 'complicated'. He had told Harry about him abound GiGi the same day he felt the diamond on her ring hit his sternum... But Harry hadn't made a move and gave no hints that he wanted to.

"Let's get going, yea?" Liam clapped his hands together as if snapping Harry and Zayn back to earth and out of their little 'zarry' world.

***

"Harry?"

"Mm?" Harry spun around, eyebrows raised, bottom lip between his teeth.

"Can we do dinner, sometime?" Zayn asked before Harry could speed off into his apartment. Liam was in the car, occupying himself with some music after he basically chewed off Zayn's ear about going after Harry before it was too late. Zayn was panting for the second time that day and not just because he had to walk as fast as he could on crutches but because he felt like his heart was in his throat.

"One, don't run in your state." Harry scolded as he walked closer to Zayn. "And two, I'm feeling like Italian, so, pick you up at eight?" He smiled and yet again, gave nothing away. _Was he being friendly and taking pity on Zayn or -_

"Great. That's great. See you then." Zayn smiled, baring his teeth and Harry walked him back to Liam's car, a small smile on his face.


	53. Chapter 53

_Looks, glances, whispers, gossiping -_

"Zayn." Harry's deep and soothing voice grasps a hold of Zayn. His face is riddled with concern. "What is it?" He asks with his hands folded in his lap.

Zayn scratches his eyebrow with his thumb and turns his head to look at the people sitting comfortably at their tables, dressed in their fancy clothes, eating their fancy food and drinking their fancy drinks. Harry's eyes trace that deep scar that will forever decorate Zayn's skin. It must be a shade or two lighter than Zayn's beautiful toffee coloured skin. Sometimes he would find Zayn letting his fingers travel along his cheek, gently feeling the journey of its path.

"Your drinks." The spirited waitress pulls both men out of their thoughts as she places their ordered drinks down. "Ready to order?" She asks with a smile.

"Can we have five more minutes please?" Harry asks and after she nods, him and Zayn are left alone again. "Do you want to leave?" He asks and, Zayn is conflicted. He wants to go out and do normal things with Harry yet he also holds onto the fear of being scrutinised under society's ever watching eyes.

"No. No, I just..."

"You look uncomfortable." And Harry knows that it's not a physical pain.

"... It just feels like they're all watching us...talking about us."

Harry looks around, following Zayn's gaze. People were bound to look, he's a famous sports star who was just in a ugly accident and an even uglier divorce. The media have already labelled him as a washed up wonder who's killed his career because he can't control his alcohol intake. "You think that they're talking about us what, being together?"

Zayn nods his head and keeps his eyes fixed on the white crockery.

"But we're just _mates_...?"

He looks up at Harry with parted lips wondering if he had heard right.

"I mean, is it so wrong that ... a couple of _friends_ are having dinner together? Other people do it all the time." Harry's mouth suddenly felt like the desert once he was done. He grabs his water finishing half of it before he places it back down.

Zayn had suddenly lost his appetite. "Let's just get out of here then." He says in a sullen tone before getting out his wallet and placing a £50 note on the table.

The ride to Zayn's place is agonisingly silent. Harry's got one hand on the steering wheel and strokes his bottom lip with his free finger, deep in thought.

"Please come in?"

"I shouldn't." Harry says, making no move to get out of his car once they had arrived at Zayn's house.

" _Please_ , Harry?" Zayn begs and Harry knows that just with one look at Zayn, there's no way that he can refuse.

It's awfully lonely to live in a mansion by yourself. Sometimes it scares Zayn, other times it just makes him dejected. Harry's face is stern as he opens his door to get out and then to come over to help Zayn out.. But Zayn shows that he's more than able to do it himself and climbs out so that he can lead the way for Harry.

Zayn's house is so lovely, Harry can't help but marvel at the interior.

"Can I get you anything to drink; tea, coffee?"

"Uhm," Harry scratches the back of his head. Nothing. Just let me rather go. "Tea. Please. Do you need me to help you?" He offers but Zayn shakes his head.

"You know, my leg doesn't feel as bad as my hip." Zayn says, trying to make small talk.

"You sound like my granddad." Harry leans on the marble counter and laughs

"I feel like it." Zayn smiles.

While they wait for the water to boil, Harry just _knows_ that Zayn's going to say something.

"Harry...-"

"Zayn, just leave it."

But he can't. He knows that he can't, not again. He made his way over to Harry to cup his cheek. "I'm sorry." He whispers and brings his face close to rub his nose against Harry's.

"Don't." Harry exhaled, but let's Zayn give him a slow Eskimo kiss. "I'll be in your life as a friend or not be in it at all." He says, opening his eyes to look at Zayn.

"I don't want you as just a friend -"

" _Don't_ do this to me again, Zayn. My heart can't afford to break again." Harry shakes his head by a fraction with his eyes showing just how much pain he had to come to terms with.

Zayn blinks, letting the tears spill over and Harry can't help his hand travelling up to caress his cheek and wipe the tear away with his thumb. "Harry I love you. I always have." Zayn finally confesses and Harry's face crumples before he coughs out a sob. "I'm sorry I'm like this. I'm sorry I've treated you so horribly."

Harry's squeezing at Zayn's suit jacket so tightly, his knuckles are a stark contrast to the navy blue colour.

"I'm sorry I'm so scared of everyone and what they think and say. I'm sorry." Zayn presses wet kisses to Harry's face to show how sorry he is before his body can't handle anymore of the emotion and he slides down to the floor.

"Zayn, Zayn." Harry bends down to sit on his knees. "Hey, come here." He cradles Zayn in his arms. "Shhhhhh." He rocks him back and forth whilst stroking his back.

Zayn felt broken in this moment.

"Look at me." Harry whispers and forces his head up. He wipes away at his wet cheeks only to have them become damp again from a fresh set of tears. "We're _going_ to face discrimination. It's going to happen because people don't like people who are different to them. They don't like that sort of unfamiliarity of things." Harry spoke softly and calmly, his tears having subsided. "It sucks. I know it does because we're not doing anything wrong. We aren't different to them and we can't let those people win, Zayn. Their words are fear and you **can't** let fear win. They won't ever silence your voice because that's what let's them in, the silence we stay in. There's so many people that will always love and support you no matter what you look like or who you decide to love." Zayn's crying has somewhat eased and he gazes at Harry with glossy eyes as he speaks. " **I** will _always_ love and support you, Zayn.. You are so strong and courageous. Just look at how much you've already conquered. You've been honest with yourself, your parents... Zayn you're -"

"Can I just stop you," Zayn interrupts and Harry's jaw falls slightly in bewilderment. "You're always lifting me up and telling me how beautiful and great and strong and just - everything I am. Harry you are amazing .. Honestly if it weren't for you and my family..you especially for being there for me when I was away from her and hadn't told anyone else, I really don't think I'd be here today." Zayn had **finally** let himself feel the love that Harry had to offer and come to terms with his own love that he had for him. "I may be your 'Friday' but you - you are all of my hours in a day, a week, the entire year. No one would have put up with me like you have..." Zayn takes both of Harry's hands in his own to kiss his knuckles, ignoring the pain that was beginning to shoot up his leg and hip. "You're sitting on the floor crying with me when you could be off with anyone you want..." Harry let out an exasperated laugh. "Let me make things right?"


	54. Chapter 54

_One year later_

Zayn straightens his tie in the mirror and steps back to give himself one last look over. His grey suit hugs his lean body perfectly. He grabs his cane so that he could shift his weight evenly to both feet without toppling over.  
Zayn's hip had yet to completely heal and doctors were sceptic if it would ever be back to normal ever again, so he had to use a cane to walk - and you had better believe that the grandpa jokes were mighty plentiful ever since. He smiles softly to himself remembering how Waliyha asked if she'd need to buy him black hair dye for his birthday present incase he was to go grey next.

_Breathe, Zayn. You can do this._

Tonight, Zayn was a special guest speaker at the Best FIFA Football Awards where the best of the best would be honoured with trophies. For him, just being invited and asked to speak about his journey at the ceremony was an honour for him.

As soon as his name is called, all eyes are on Zayn as he make his way up to the podium to make his speech. As he walks up the stairs the buttons of collar felt like it was getting tighter and tighter. All of his teammates - from the academy and Manchester United, coaches, friends and family's eyes were on Zayn. And there, in the middle of the fourth row, sitting next to Doniya, was Harry, giving him a soft and encouraging smile. He gives Zayn a nod of his head, his eyes remain ever so warm and welcoming.

Harry had always been brave for Zayn and it made him feel better. Now Zayn knew that he had to be brave for himself.

He takes out the piece of paper from his inner jacket pocket, places it on the podium and smooths it out.

_Oh God, now's not the time to not recognise your own handwriting._

"Good evening ladies and gentlemen. It is such an honour to be speaking ...."

"So far, so good." Doniya whispered to Harry about two minutes into Zayn's speech. Harry nods, having complete faith in Zayn.

"The past year and a half has been the most challenging time for me both physically and mentally. I was told that I may never play on the field ever again." Zayn pauses. "And that honestly scared me. I didn't know how to react, how to process and deal with news like that because this is my life... But a person very close to my heart once told me that we can't let fear win." He had locked eyes with Harry that exact moment to show his gratitude. "That was a year ago and ever since then I have decided to make changes and turn my life around. I have been sober for eight months now,"

The crowd applauds his great achievement. He had acknowledged that one of his forms of escapism was alcohol. The drug had nearly killed him and would often turn him into an angry, ugly monster that would then become a sad secluded being. So he cut it out of his life for good.

"Thank you. It's hard being in the spotlight and having your every move followed and written about, but I've realise that if I want to remain on this career path, then I must learn to accept and live with it accordingly. I am a voice for many people. Young girls and boys all over the world, and I want to be a strong and courageous voice ... But I cannot do that unless I am honest with not only myself but with the people around me,"

Harry's heart was beating just as fast as Zayn's right now, their two hearts almost in-sync with each other.

"So, today I want to come forward and say that I am gay."

A few people had gasp like Zayn has just revealed himself to be an alien life-form. Some think he's pulling their leg, others haven't been paying attention and think they've heard wrong while the rest stay neutral and wait for him to continue.

"I was scared to admit it; to myself, my family," He shrugs and leans on the podium and for the first time that night, Harry notices that he has visibly relaxed. "I was scared to be discriminated against. To be stereotyped. To be told that a soccer player cannot be gay. They have to be manly - or some might say that I suddenly can't play the game because I am too soft. But I am the same person that I always was, the only thing that has changed is that I am honest with myself."

At that moment a man stands up. Zayn stared him down and found it to be Shawn who looked less than impressed. He buttons his jacket and makes his way out of his row and down the aisle.

"I will be a voice for those who are scared,"

Zayn speaks confidently as Shawn and a few other men follow him out.

"I will show them that it is normal to love whomever you wish to love, regardless of gender, race or religion. I want people to understand what they are saying and realise that no matter how big or small the prejudice, discrimination or stereotype is, that it affects people."

Doing something like this was risky, many would even call it stupid since Zayn's contract could be torn up in a minute. He had thought all of that over and decided that he would indeed risk it.

"And I will **never** let fear have a hold on me again because love is love and love will _always_ win. Thank you."

Harry releases a breath that he didn't even realise he was holding until he felt his lungs burn when he exhales. The crowd claps. They applaud Zayn. His speech, his courage. They stand and applaud him. Harry's one of them. This had all been Zayn's decision to do. Harry had no say in anything - well, except helping with the speech here and there.

' _I love you_.' He mouths to Zayn who blows him a small kiss and reciprocates the words back to Harry.

Yes. Zayn would face backlash, widespread hate and so on, but he would also receive love and support from the people who mattered most. He would learn to understand that no one could make him feel inferior unless he was to allow it and most importantly, he would finally be happy and comfortable with who he was.


	55. Epilogue

"Dad? .... **Dad**?"

"Yes?" Zayn shouted from his room. The shirt he was busy folding was thrown into his bag before he left his room to see what it was that his daughter needed. "Yes, Evalia?" Zayn asked once he was downstairs. He looked around to see an empty living room. "Eva-"

"I'm in the study!" She shouted again.

"What are you up to, busy body?" Zayn laughed once he was walked to the study.

"I was looking for some coloured paper, I remember I saw some the last time I was in here. I was doing a project and printed stuff out." Zayn saw her scratching around in one of the draws. "And then I found this, ow!" She stands up, knocking her funny bone on the handle of the chair on her way up.

She's clutching something in her hand but Zayn's more worried about her minor injury.

"Oh, jeez. You okay?" He asks, bending slightly.

"Yea. Stupid chair." She rubbed her elbow and then pulled the plastic bag she had found in the draw out from under her arm. "What's this?"

Zayn took it out if her hand to inspect. Thick creases decorated his forehead. "... Sunflowers... From your papa when I was in hospital a while back." He says and handed them back to her with a smile on his face.

"Your accident?" Evalia asked and Zayn nods. She pressed the dried flowers through its plastic bag. "... Can I have them for a home project?"

"Of course you can." Zayn said and smoothed a hand over her dark brown, almost black hair. She smiled up at Zayn, grabbed whatever arts and crafts she needs and told Zayn about her art lesson that she loved last week before she went to sit at the spacious dining table so rhat she could work at.

*

"Knock, knock!"

The sound of excited and eager clatter of claws against the wooden floors could be heard as a blur of heavy black fur slipped and slid to the door.

"Benny, don't run or you'll fall again!" Evalia said from her seat, but her dog refused to listen to her, happiness overtaking all of his senses.

"Hello muppet, what's holding your attention so much that Benny comes to greet me first?" Harry walked in and asked his daughter. He poked her in the hip after he pressed a kiss to the top of her head when she took too long to answer him.

"Papa, stop!"

"What have you got there?" He picked up the eight year old to sit her on his lap after taking her seat.

His face fell when he spotted the broken, creased and discoloured sunflowers strewn across black paper.

"Daddy said you gave them to him when he was in hospital long ago?"

"I did." Harry said softly.

_I can't believe he kept them. <.em>_

_"Last week Mrs Golding made us press flowers and stick them to paper. So I thought I could do the same with these." She said excitedly and hugged Harry's side._

_"Can I help?" He asked after he found his voice again._

_"Yes!" Evalia answered him excitedly._

_Benny, with his thick and luscious fur comes over to sit at Harry's feet. His purple tongue sticking out. "Hello, mister." Harry spoke to the young Chow Chow. "Where's dad?" He turned to Evalia and asked her._

_"Packing."_

_"Oh." Harry screwed up his mouth._

_"I know." Evalia's tone and expression matched his own._

_"He'll be back soon, love."_

_"Mm." She hummed and focused on her artwork. "Just miss him especially when he plays soccer on weekends."_

_Harry kissed the top of her head and arranged the flowers on the piece of paper so Evalia can stick them down. "Hey, I forgot to mention, uncle Lou and aunt Gem are going to be coming over in a bit."_

_She gasped and turned to Harry and he knows that she's excited to have a playmate, their son, Aaron come around._

_A few minutes later the doorbell rang._

_"I'll get it." Zayn said as he made his way downstairs. "Oh, hello." He greeted Harry once he laid eyes on him._

_"Hi," Harry tilted his head up to peck Zayn._

_"Look at this." The flower art holds his attention more than the doorbell he's just heard._

_"Can't believe you kept them." Harry said with a whimsical look._

_Zayn bends in between his husband and child to give both of them a kiss on the cheek. "I love you guys." Benny, feeling left out, jumped onto Harry's chair and wagged his tail. "And I love you too, Benny." Zayn laughed._

_Harry was left with their dog after Zayn left with Evalia to greet Gemma, Louis and Aaron._

_" _Gosh, Gemma you look like you're ready to pop._ " He heard Zayn in the distance._

_" _I feel like it._ " She groaned about baby number two._

_" _Looking like my beautiful little blueberry toda- **ow!** _" And there's Louis.___

___A single petal was left to be stuck down, which Harry took upon himself to do so that the picture was finally completed. "Come on, Benny." He said to the faithful dog after he stands._ _ _

___The next time that Zayn walks by, he has to stop and look at the finished piece. Smiling down at the five sunflowers, he decides that it's one of the most beautiful pieces of art he's ever seen and makes a mental note to get it framed, it represents him and his family perfectly._ _ _


End file.
